Because Jen Doesn't Think I'm Weird Enough ...

.... and I 'didn't nail the landing'!



What?



In High School, I was a gymnast. Lettered in gymnastics. Weird, I know - team / individual sports ... me ... performing in front of people.

Was I fine?

No, pretty much I was terrified ALL THE TIME. I was what was called an 'all rounder' - I competed in all 4 events: 'floor exercise', 'uneven parallel bars', 'balance beam' and the ever exciting ... 'vault'. In each of these - you eventually have to finish ... whether it was just flipping over the vault or some long, involved, complicated floor routine - there was a finish.

And ... WAS THERE A FINISH! Always the same - (except sometimes at the end of the floor routine) - you can picture it in your head (you've seen it) - some short little thing, standing there with both feet on the floor (important), total, disgusting sway back, arms flung up and out to the sides. Showing that yes, judge - I am in control, I am not going to fall - I STUCK THAT LANDING something good. Oh, and a big smile - don't forget to smile - points off for that.

So - lets take the uneven parallel bars (an oxymoron RIGHT THERE) - at the end, you usually (I usually) swung a 360 around the top bar, release at JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT, do an aerial in the air, extend your legs ... and just pray the ground is coming up to meet you. Gently ... slowly ... kindly ... your feet touch down, you bend your knees a little bit, then straighten - OVER straighten to the sway back, throw your hands back, smile - and there you have it - YOU JUST NAILED THE LANDING. As opposed to falling on your butt - an often occurrence.

Was I good? Hell no!!! Being terrified of breaking your back during a complicated move on the balance beam is not a good formula for 'good'. Oh! I was good ONCE! For reasons we won't go into here, my doctor had me on straight codeine - yes STRAIGHT CODEINE - they used to do things like that ... and I was, well, sort of high ... and FEARLESS! Not a care in the world, no fear of falling, no real pain as I slammed into that parallel bar, rolled on that balance beam - things were great! I was smiling! I was on top of the world! I NAILED ALL MY LANDINGS!!! And I took: "First Place - All Round" that competition - the one and only time I did ...

So - what the hell does gymnastics have to do with Jen thinking I'm insane? Well, I just wrote all that up there for no apparent reason - so there's that, but:

I DIDN'T NAIL THE LANDING on my photos of Charlie in the car. They were crap, I had fallen on my butt and didn't even try to recover. It was bugging me - so I went out again and took more ...

.... because, yes - I am that disturbed:




My feet are firmly on the floor, my arms are flung back ...










.... and I am smiling ....