She's Here ...

Well, I made it. Can't say it was my most favorite trip, but I am here now and that is what is important. It was one of those 14 hour bronco rides and because of my illness and my nervousness that I would develop another bout of fluid in my lungs at 8000 feet, the doctor had prescribed (along with medication to decrease the chance of getting fluid in my lungs) Valium. Yes - Valium. And I took it thinking things were going to be all sunbeams, roses and unicorns - but instead a very bumpy ride and I still CARED - I thought the Valium would east the fear of death, the uncomfortablness of it all, you know - just make me think it was hysterically funny. It didn't.

The flight was one of those, you know, where the plane falls so many feet you feel like you are plummeting and there are little screams and 'Ohs' muttered throughout the plane - except after 10 hours of it, pretty much no one was saying much of anything! And of course - as I mentioned in my first trip over here - the seat belt sign stayed off the entire time and we were free to lurch about the cabin. My second time over here the ride was smooth - so I don't know what gives - I guess just the weather over the ocean at the time.

I had mentioned to Gary that it always made me nervous that had something happened to the plane - there is really nothing between here and LA except Hawaii. In his wisdom and effort in some way to make me feel better (?) he mentioned: "You realize this is the flight in "Lost", right? They are flying from Australia to LA - crash land on some unknown deserted island - so, see - there are places out there!" Somehow that didn't make me feel any better about if disaster strikes.

One new thing on this trip was LIGHT! We leave at 11 something in the evening and arrive at 6:00am and pretty much it is dark the entire flight and people try their best to just pretend it is night time and sleep - or for us insomniacs (as I wander / lurch about the plane I can see them) we surf their in flight movies, TV shows, Documentaries, etc. But my last two flights have been arriving during the winter when it was still dark out at 6:00am, but no so this time:

It was actually very pretty and this beat up window doesn't give it justice, but it's all I had.

Got here after the longest wait for baggage I have ever experienced (NONE OF IT MINE - please refer to my "Do I look like a FedEx truck" for explanation), then standing in the longest baggage checkout queue - Australia has some hefty import restrictions. The baggage checkout queue did the winding back and forth thing, then ran around 3 different baggage carousels - it was nuts. Finally, after playing with the 'Taxi Driver From Hell' I arrived, and fell flat in bed. Didn't wake up until Gary got home from work. Stayed up with him, went to bed with him and slept the entire night - so I must have needed the sleep.

Since I have not done anything yet - I don't have any photos, but Gary mentioned that he had taken a panoramic set of shots one beautiful morning and could I make it into a panoramic photo. It turned out so well, I thought that I would include it:

Have a few other events to mention but decided to pace myself. Being the third time here - I am sure I will be short on material!

And Shes Off ...

In just a few hours I begin the process of getting myself to Australia again. This time with a bit of trepidation since my visit to the ER in Utah had doctors siting high altitude or plane flights as the cause for my pulmonary edema / pneumonia. I am on medication for altitude sickness just in case and it is making me feel funky! I pulled up the side effects and sure enough - that tingling in my fingers and my toes is completely normal. Also completely normal is that carbonated beverages taste different - booh! Don't spoil my Route 44!

So ... things will be fine and in a day or so I will be letting myself into Gary's beautiful apartment.

Lots of worries I am leaving behind which I think will dog me while I am gone, but will try to keep it under control. And a new season in Brisbane: Spring to experience. Don't know if things will be different enough to inundate y'all with new photos of the same thing ... just ... springy. Will have to wait and see.

This trip might be a little more sedate - see if I can get over what ever befell me while in Idaho / Wyoming. I envision leisurely morning walks, reading in the afternoon on the balcony and spending the evening with Gary.

What could be better?

Our Little Capitalist

So ... every Sunday I get Jessie and we talk to daddy. It is his Monday morning and he calls before he heads to work.

Now, talking to Jessie on the phone can be difficult - she has an arsenal of about 3 questions and repeats them over and over again - so we have learned to ask her the questions if we want to have any sort of conversation that does not resemble something from a Dr. Seuss book.

Gary was on a roll this morning - bursting with questions. He asked her about her friends, some other things and Jessie asked if she had workshop today for the 8th time. To divert her - instead of answering, again, "No, it is Sunday - you have workshop tomorrow" (workshop is her work) he asked:

"Jessie, what do you do at workshop?"

And she answered (verbatim):

"Make money"


Yeah, that's my girl ...

More Precious Than Gold ...

Insomniacs Word Art

Wow, it made me smile!

(Apologies if you are not LDS - this probably will not make a lick of sense)

Someone posted this on facebook and it made me laugh. He might not be the greatest singer in the world, but still ... It might not be as funny if you haven't heard the original song, but still ... it's funny:



Some of the words are hard to hear so here are the lyrics:


Hey there Delilah, what’s it like at BYU?
I’m just a quarter mile away, but feel so far away from you,
But that will do,
Cuz two years from now I’ll be with you,
I know that’s true.

Hey there Delilah, don’t you worry about the distance,
Few more months and I can call you both on Mother’s D ay and Christmas.
Close your eyes,
Then just think of suits and ties,
But not other guys.

Cuz, you said you’d wait for me,
O, you said you’d wait for me,
O, I’m at the MTC,
O, I’m at the MTC, at the MTC.

Now have some patience and don’t think of dating Conner,
Cuz two more years you may be done with school,
But I’ll return with honor.
I can’t wait,
Just two more years till our next date,
It will be great.

O when you told me I was the love of your life,
And I just held you close and kissed you just like I’ll kiss my wife.
We can goodbye,
And I gave you my favorite tie,
There’s no need to cry.

Cuz, you said you’d wait for me,
O, you said you’d wait for me,
O, I’m at the MTC,
O, I’m at the MTC, at the MTC.

There were RMs who made fun of me and said you’ll never wait for me,
To them I say ‘oh ye, of little faith.’
Cuz we’ve been dating for two months and I think that that’s long enough,
To know someone enough to feel this way.
I carry your picture with me and talk about you constantly,
I’m driving my companion insane,
And you’re to blame.

Woke up this morning, checked the mail right at dawn,
And just believe me girl how shocked I was to read those words,
“Dear John, I think we’re through,
I meet a guy better than you,
Go ahead and cry if you want to,
Sincerely Delilah, missing you,
P.S. we’re through.”

O, you didn’t wait for me,
O, you didn’t wait for me,
O, you didn’t wait for me,
O, and I’m only at the MTC, at the MTC…

Google

I am a spy - I will admit it. I like to see who is reading my blog. I don't feel it needs to be password protected since I have my boundaries of what I will and won't blog about but I do like to see who is visiting.

So ... I watch.

I can see how someone gets on my blog, not necessarily who they are. Although, when one IP address pops up every now and again and is based in San Antonio - I will make the leap that it is Ryan. Same for other locales. I can see if someone googled my name to get in. I can see the phrase they googled.

And the all time number one thing that is googled if you take my name out of the equation is something that will 'hit' my blog entry:

"I do Stupid Things in the Middle of the Night"

This dumbfounds me and makes me sad for all those out there googling for stupid things to do in the middle of the night - however they word it. And, oh my, what a surprise when they click on the link to my blog and get a preface to the post below it. It must not be enticing enough, not a one has then clicked on 'The Beginning of the End' and I am glad. Since it was highly personal, I thought it would be there, and then scroll off, never to be revisited. But week after week someone googles 'stupid things to do in the middle of the night' or some other phrase and comes very close to something that was borderline unblogable (the only reason it was 'blogable' is that years had passed and I felt like I needed to post it - don't know why).

But who googles 'stupid things to do in the middle of the night'? It makes me sad. I am sorry for them since it seems desperate, maybe a teenager having fun, but feels more like desperation.

I wonder what other things are googled by sad, lonely, desperate people?

A Day in the Life ...

She sat down at the table, a table for six, but only her – alone. She wasn’t really even hungry, but knew she needed to eat. She had been sick and didn’t want a relapse.

She wondered how she found herself in this situation. One minute she had a family, chaos, disorganization and the next: quiet, alone, no one to talk to, take care of, bawl out for some trivial act. What happened?

It didn’t come on quickly – a few months, but it seemed like a blink of an eye and everyone was gone.

What is she supposed to do? Who is she going to take care of? Tell how her day went? Who?

Gone. Everyone gone.

She gets ready for bed. Quiet, lonely, unfamiliar. She checks the locks, twice – the alarm has been going off … just because, and it makes her jumpy.

She tries to sleep – in that big, beautiful bed, but that familiar lump on the other side and that quiet, soothing breathing is not there. Quiet … too quiet to sleep. So she lays there and tries. She needs sleep or she will get sick and she can’t get sick.

She sighs, and tells herself to buck up, it is only for a little while. She can do it. She is strong enough. People go through so much worse – why is she being a baby? She can do it.

Maybe?

Not maybe – YES – she can do it, and she is going to do it well ….

Do I Seem a bit ... Bitter? Grumpy? Petulant?

Friday Morning

Friday Afternoon

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

'Nuff said ...

Have I Mentioned I Like Flowers?

Update

Since people have asked and I have been trying to get rest and my mom will kill me with the phone off the hook and no update:

The ER called and said that my right lung was clear but that the left had something called 'atelectasis' and I would need to do a follow up in 4 - 6 months. I Wiki'ed the word and it comes back as 'a medical condition in which the lungs are not fully inflated' or collapsed lung. I am thinking mine is just partial since I am breathing and my O2 sats have to be better than they were - I can get out a sentence without gasping.

They also said they saw, man, I forget ... swelling, something, inflammation ... something with my gall bladder - so I am going back in tomorrow for an ultrasound.

I only had one question for them: regular ultra sound or something that involved tortuous devices, IV's, copper penny stew and what not - she said just regular.

I am such a wimp!

And nothing to worry about - that is the good part. (My own interpretation, not theirs - since I need some good news today ... trouble in my 'unblogable' trenches ...)

Arrrrgggghhh!!!

Seriously ... Wiki it!

The Up Side To Being Ill ...

... you are reminded how lucky you are to have such wonderful friends.

Thanks for all the concern, kind words, well wishes and ... flowers!!

Just When You Think it is Safe to Get Out of Bed ...

6:45 - Up, dress, 5 minutes surfing (gotta have my fix)
7:00 - Head to the doctors office (the ER said to follow up with my doc)

I had turned down Garys offer to take me since I was feeling well and didn't want to squander any more of his sawdust snorting time. And, anyways, how long could it take? A few hours at least - so left him home sleeping. It was a pretty drive on the Westpark tollway onto 59. I don't recommend taking photos while driving - but it was so pretty!

Got into my doctor and she said she wanted her own CAT Scan - I should have guessed that ... they always do...

Head downstairs to the ER (obligatory crossed foot photo for Laura):

While there, 2 nurses try to hit a vein in my already bruised and battered arms and failed, and failed and, well, failed.

The CAT machine was actually at another ER and I told them that I would have them draw labs and start the IV their just to get away from the evil nurses that apparently had only worked on oranges before me. I refused their transportation - I could drive there all by myself thank you very much. Got in my car and SERIOUSLY contemplated driving home.

Was a good girl - went to the other ER, demanded their best phlebotomist, shoved my arms in their faces and after a few "Oh, my!"s they quickly got a woman I would name my child after ... if I wasn't totally and completely done naming children ...

She put on a blood pressure cuff instead of a tourniquet and poked and prodded and poked and prodded and after 1/2 hour declared she was ready. In goes the 20 gauge needle and my arm exploded blood. She hit it on the first try! And it was a mighty gusher! She got the blood she needed for labs then inserted the IV - seriously fast becoming my most least favorite thing to do on this planet ...

(And if Kristie can post videos of popping a monster zit, NO ONE should be squeamish of my IV I'm very proud of it:)

Got an X-ray, because you just can't be irradiated enough in one week, I guess, then on to the CAT Scan and the lovely iodine chaser that leaves my veins on fire, my body feeling warm and covered in my own urine and a lovely bug, weed and copper penny stew taste in my mouth.

To add insult to injury, my doctor ordered that I then be given a liter or two of saline or glucose or what ever the hell was in the bag they told me would take about 1 1/2 hours to empty - and leave you freezing since I believe they refrigerate them right up until they pour it into your veins. They said people with pneumonia were often dehydrated and it was precautionary. I offered to drink a liter of water in front of them, but no go - hooked up to a bag of cold ... something and played with Facebook on my phone.

ER number 2 shot of the feet - was feeling creative ... and bored:

Soooo, that was my day so far - WONDERFUL. Makes you just want to swear off doctors all together the evil, tortuous bastards ... (mine is a very nice lady, but that sounded better and I was thinking of someone else).


Gary, yet again, wins the prize for productivity. While I was out trying my best to get BOTH arms to look like I am the most inept junkie in the city, Gary worked on his end tables (two for us, two for Ryan):

I find his clamping 'habit' funny - so I threw in a photo - I should count one day how many he has. As he always says "One can never have too many clamps..."

Sorry - I sound like a whiny butt - BECAUSE I AM A WHINY BUTT! Doctors ... can't seem to keep away from them - but I am going to give it a good try for a while ...

Apparently I Am a 5 Year Old

I don't think I have slept this much since I was in kindergarten! I get out of bed and do one thing, start breathing heavy and think gosh, I think it's time for a nap - and off to bed I go! Embarrassing. Things are 100% better than they were, but apparently I am sleeping through this.

Gary, on the other hand is being much more productive. He went grocery shopping after getting me home from the airport and Charlie home from the kennel yesterday and then started working on his projects in 'his shop'. His latest project is another set of end tables and they are going to be beautiful. Here is the base finished:

I especially like the 'bull-nose' sticking out at the top that will peek out after the top is on and the shape he has made the legs. They, as per everything else he has made, are most definitely keepers.

The Vacation that Suddenly .... Wasn't

Well, the wedding I posted about earlier took up the entire day Saturday. Our our plan (Gary and I) was to drop Ryan off at the airport on Sunday morning at 5:00am (7:00 am flight) and then drive into Yellowstone to take photos. Gary was kind enough to take Ryan the 1/2 hour to Idaho Falls airport from Rexburg while I got a bit more sleep and started packing - I was not feeling very well (I know - I sound like a broken record ...). We headed to Yellowstone and were gifted with a beautiful day:

Took a ton of photos, but my all time favorite was this gal (a guy told me it was a female 2 year old bald eagle and that as early in the morning that is was, she was not going anywhere if I walked up close to the perch she was on - so while everyone used there telephoto lenses and glared at me, I walked right on up to this pretty lady and snapped away):

In keeping with annoying the other visitors in the park an old gentleman in a car yelled at me that I "was getting too close" which was probably also true - but buffalo seem so serene ... until you piss them off:

We were both beat and it was too early to check into our hotel in West Yellowstone so we did the unthinkable - we drove to a picnic spot - pulled over, lay down and napped! A clue things were not going very well at all ... I suppose.

On the way out of the part to check into our hotel, we stumbled onto a herd of Elk - the male was very spectacular looking and fierce - this is with my telephoto lens:

Soooo ... I am not feeling well, we head off to bed. At 3:00am I wake up unable to breathe and was convinced that I was having a heart attack. I decided that if I lay still enough that it felt kind of ok and that I would go back to sleep and see if I was alive in the morning - I don't know why I was not as panicked then as I was later - probably lack of oxygen.

Morning came and I was a bit worse. We had a flight at 3:00pm and we were in the podunk town of West Yellowstone - not really a town, just a jumble of hotels and snow mobile rentals. Gary packed everything up while I panted - literally shallow quick breaths since I could not take a deep breath. I felt EXACTLY like when I was in High School and was diagnosed with Pleurisy (an infection around the lining of your lungs). Gary came back and got me and got me in the back seat of the car ... and we started to drive.

We hit Rexburg and he asked me if I wanted to find the hospital, I said no. We hit Idaho Falls and he asked again - again I said no. We then had all the way to Ogden, Utah before we hit anything of a big city. Gary's brother and sister-in-law live there and we called his sister-in-law, Jill, and asked her to set up a doctors appointment for me. Arrived at their home, got the address and away we went - while cancelling our flight and rescheduling for the next morning.

Got to the doctors and in the understatement of the year the nurse said "So you are not feeling very well, huh?". I couldn't even answer her because I had not enough air to get words out. The doctor came in and put on a pulse oxcipitor on my finger to determine the percent I was saturating oxygen - she thought it was broken and got another. Must have not been all that well since the next thing I know she is calling an ambulance and and asking what hospital we want to go to? We had no idea and picked. She then got me on oxygen with those annoying cannula's stuck up my nose blowing - lovely, wonderful, 100% oxygen into me. Next thing I hear is sirens which lead me to believe that not much in the way of excitement happens in Ogden, Utah. Two, yes, two vehicles show up - as in it might be an anthrax scare and not just one very sick lady.

The cutest crew of .. what are they called? Got me on the gurney, tried to start an IV in the moving vehicle which I knew was going to be the funnest part of this whole ride. He apologized profusely when it didn't work (after I had told him it was not going to work - the vein was going to roll ...) but he was so adorable, I had to forgive him. The other cutie got one started, but it was not working well and infiltrated. So much for both the backs of my hand and we were not even to the hospital yet.

Side note: as Gary followed the ambulance to the hospital he got a very strong sense of Dejavu and called Jill and asked if that was the hospital where his mother had died. She said no, it was where Jessie was born - 21 years ago and had been called St. Benedict's at the time not Ogden Regional Hospital. So - this was my second ride in an ambulance to this hospital - once from the doctors office and once, very pregnant and very scared from Logan, Utah where they explained that they did not have a Level 3 ICU for babies - the sickest of babies and we needed to go somewhere where they did. For the life of me, I did not recognize it - even as we were driving away ...

Got to the hospital and they started to do the funnest things! As is what they do in the ER. I was scared, still concerned that I was having a heart attack and hoping it was pleurisy - that seemed at least non-life threatening. The were concerned with the air travel and high altitude that I had a blood clot in my lung. The very excellent nurse found a deep vein at my elbow on the side of my arm and, although it hurt like no other IV or drawn blood I have ever had (very deep) she hit it on the first dig and took vials and vials of blood before inserting the IV line so it provided a dual purpose. I thanked her profusely for being so good - I couldn't even see the vein she shot for, it was that deep under the skin.

The lab results started coming back. Clotting was within normal range but not in the good normal range. The enzyme they check for for large muscle damage (heart attack) was the same. The sent me to have a CAT scan with contrast (they take photos, then insert stuff that feels like fire into your IV and makes you, incredibly and completely makes you feel like you peed your pants - they have to tell you in advance that you actually will feel like this, but will not have peed your pants. It is also uncomfortable everywhere else it is coursing through your body, but peeing you pants is the end all of humiliation so they warn you). I was then supposed to hold my breath for about 30 seconds while they scanned my lungs and I could not do it - having not enough oxygen stores to get away with that.

Told them I was sorry and back to my ER room. They drew more blood. Last of the elbows ... And we waited for the results. They came back and took me to another CAT machine that was much faster and I got to feel fire in my veins and feel liked I peed my pants yet again - but just for a 5 second scan. Why they didn't take me there the first time is beyond me - they knew I couldn't breathe.

So the doctor comes in. The enzyme test has to be taken twice (thus the second blood draw) and it looked good. I was overwhelmed with relief that I had not had a heart attack - since it felt like someone was sitting on my chest and more painful than anything I have ever experienced - I was very nervous that it was going to be it. He said that they had ruled out pleurisy out since there was no infection around the lining of my lungs - based on the CAT scan ... but - the CAT scan did show I had pneumonia. WHAT? I have had pneumonia before - it generally involves a cold (OK, I had a tiny one) and coughing - lots of painful coughing - nary a cough in sight? What gives? They said that I just had crap in my lungs and that was causing the painful breathing (the lungs were sticking together (eeeew) and maybe the high altitudes had caused it - it all seemed confusing - but OK, pneumonia - painful pneumonia and they started me on antibiotics and said I needed to stay over night because even on oxygen I was not saturating as well as they liked.

I told them no - I wanted to go home, and anyway - home was at sea level and I would be getting more oxygen. The doctor said if I could keep my sats above 90 he would let me leave that night ... so painful huffing and puffing ensued for a few hours while they watched...

Took a few pictures while we waited for the IV antibiotics to finish up and breathe, breathe, breathe:

Lookie!!! I am at 94 (Gary took this photo and if you look close you can see me in the bed and my doctor discussing things with me reflected in the monitor):

Got to leave that night with the promise I would come back if things went south.

All I wanted to do was get on a plane and come home. That next morning Gary (who was such a wonderful guy through all this) asked me if I needed to go back. I was not breathing well and the broncho dialiator they sent me home with was not helping - but I told him - going back to the ER and have them play pin cushion with me vs home to sea level? Just get me on that plane ...

So we are home. I collapsed in bed for 24 hours while Gary took care of everything (he is even off shopping now and getting lunch) and thought I would get up - blog about my super fun time in Utah and then go collapse in bed again.

The breathing is coming along - I can get deeper breaths before the pain starts so not panting and I can speak without stopping for a breath with every word - so improvement!

Later ...

My Niece

A question in my last post prompted a new post - after the reception. They asked how I was related to the happy couple. Ashley, the bride is Gary's sisters daughter (and for all you die hard readers - Gary's sisters name is Cherri who leave comments - always full of wit and wisdom).

Ashley also reads and leave comments. She looked radiant today and very happy. A little bit of her personality showing up here:

Congratulations Ashley and Nate! Here's hoping that your adventure / travels / journey to forever is as wonderful as mine has been so far ...

Howdy from Rexburg

Left Houston in miserable weather:


Flew above it and things were looking better:



Flew through Colorado, I think:



And over the Rockies - landing in Salt Lake City.

Hooked up with Gary (nice) and drove up to Rexburg, Idaho were the wedding would be. Picked up Ryan in Idaho Falls (long painful story on why he flew into Idaho Falls and we flew into SLC and much longer, painful story actually getting Ryan on the plane and to Idaho - just barely made it - so won't go into it).

Between wedding and reception, relatives didn't have anywhere to go - so we all bunched up in our two hotel rooms and enjoyed visiting:

Took a lot of photos waiting for groom and bride to arrive outside. Took lots of photos of flowers. This is my favorite one:

Bride and Groom

Well - need to get back to visiting relatives ...

Off to Yellowstone tomorrow.

Do I Look Like a FedEx Truck?

Don't answer that.

I don't know what it is about travelling and hooking up with my significant others somewhere else that has me schlepping piles of stuff that is not mine with me on my trip - but never fails ... apparently: I deliver.

Our suitcase situation is interesting - we keep taking stuff to Australia and then not needing the suitcase on the way back - so just leaving them there. Thus my selection of suitcases for my trip up to Utah / Idaho this weekend is more limited than usual. I know that if I went into our ginormous garage attic that I would find more suitcases ... somewhere, but that would just be too much effort on my part - and, well, it's dark ... and creepy ... and the corners are full of shadows and I am quite sure things lurking, waiting to jump out on me ... so I am left with exactly two options. This puppy:

or a smaller one that's actually a carry on. Not a problem - it is only 4 days ... but when you start talking about a wedding and a quick day trip into Yellowstone to take photos, you are talking about very differing wardrobes. Plus - wedding - ugh - makeup, hair dryer, the works - stuff I rarely use much less stick in a suitcase and take with me anywhere.

Still - doable. Then the requests / orders start pouring in. A coat for Gary (very bulky), a travelling iron, and his American cell phone (fair enough) and Ryan: ordered a book bag - bulky - and after doing the laundry I found a bunch of his socks, so they go in also.

Now things are looking not so good. Two winter weight coats take a significant bite out of my space. I start throwing things in (my flight is at 9:00 am so need to get up, quickly shower and go). And for the first time in my life I seriously had to lay down on the suitcase to get it to shut.

So there it sits - and I am afraid it is going to explode ...

And here's the thing ... I just realized that I have to retrieve something from said suitcase to use before leaving in the morning - not another option.

This is not good ... not good at all. It is looking like a trip to that dark, cavernous, maybe bat filled attic is in my very near future ...

Jessie

My blogging follows a very predictable pattern:

I'm OK - I blog maybe once a day, maybe more if I am hyper and have things to say.
I'm not feeling well - I still blog, maybe miss a day while I am in bed and generally rant and whine a lot.
I'm in deep shit (depressed, unstable, sick and have crawled into a cave) - I don't blog.

Gary has figured this out and told me I had to blog today. Even gave me a subject. I am sure that is going to make every thing all better ...

Actually - not doing too bad today. Thought it was funny / cute / anecdotal when my brain was stuck on Australia time ... until I couldn't fix it. Then it just became weird / scary / not a good thing. Wasn't getting much sleep since I was up for my day and for Gary's day - and me sleep deprived, sick and alone - well it is not a very pretty recipe for good mental health.

So - today I went to Jessie's 1 year placement review. It was nice. Gary and I had discussed whether Richmond State School was the best place for Jessie which sent me into a horrifying spiral of Jessie panic attacks that I seriously couldn't get under control - but today helped. And I got my answer - Jessie is, completely, without a doubt in the best place for Jessie right now.

She has as they called it 'thrived' (very clinical term and I am using it in a broader sense) there and everyone has fallen in love with her. I have had some concerns because her program we set up last year was not being followed, but that has been worked out.

Currently what is in place is that she will live at the San Jacinto Residence while on a waiting list for a cottage on the grounds. She will continue to spend her days at 'workshop' where she learns skills for work and gets paid. As for the rest of the time.

Three times a week she will get money and go shopping.
Every Wednesday at 6:00 pm she will call me at home or in Australia (depending where I am - will be 9:00am the next day in Australia so the time works well).
One time a week she will go swimming.
One time a week she will work with / ride the horses at the stable.
One time a week she will work in animal therapy - with the puppies and dogs.
One time a week she will go to choir practice.
Once a month she will go out to eat.
Once a month she will go out to get her hair cut.
There were other things but I forget - these were the main ones.

We will continue to get her every Sunday that we are in town and I know Linda will get her on the Sundays that I cannot and she is able to.

I was curious a couple of weeks ago and when I went to get Jessie I asked if she was happy. Both the staff I was asking immediately said yes. She seems to be very comfortable there, thrilled to interact with the staff and the other residents. She likes her room and her photos that she can carry around and show people. She likes to color. But mostly she likes to interact with others. Which is great ... and the reason I can't - as much as I yearn to sometimes - bring her home. She has no one to interact with here. Charlie and I just don't cut it as enough interaction. So even though I am scared to death because I don't know how my daughters day goes, and I so badly wish I knew - she is happier where she is - and that is the ONLY thing that is important. Not how I feel, not how anyone feels - just how Jessie feels. And to her - she is happy living and working with her peers. She has moved beyond home and family and branched out - grown this year in every way possible - except for her weight (which she has lost 50 lbs).

So I will worry, and now that Ryan is gone I realize that his day is pretty much a black hole to me too - so this is not as unusual as I thought.

I am truly an empty nester and need to find myself now that I am in this new phase of my life.

Guess Who Came Home For His Birthday

And he brought his laundry ...

But he brought fudge from Buc-eys so I guess it evens out.

'Cause I've Got Nothing ...

A Flower Kind of Day

I was headed to lunch with two dear friends for a much needed sanity check and it so happened to be one of their birthdays next Tuesday - so:

Birthday Flowers:

Flowers on the table at the restaurant:

Birthday gal surprised the two remaining lunch attendees by having bouquets for them ... just because:

From her yard:

One thrown in from my 'flower frenzy' HEB purchase - just 'cause it was so darn cute ...

Brain Mush

In my last post I mentioned that my brain seems to be stuck on Brisbane Time. A few thought that odd (as do I) but thinking back on the past 4 days ... that I am functioning at all seems to be impressive. I went 3 days with no sleep. NONE. Spent yesterday laying in bed hoping that I would doze off - but just set a record for myself in laying in bed for over 24 hours - hardly blinking. Yeah - I can't believe I just confessed that I lay in bed for that long - but .... SLEEP! It was going to come - I was sure of it!

I am not sure what is up. Empty house, getting back on my feet after being so ill, or just the joy of being me ... Whatever it is, I am hoping that it goes away soon.

Had my Doc call in some of my horse tablet sleeping pills to see if I could break this cycle of ... whatever and picked them up early this morning. Took one and lay down with the comforting feeling that all would be well when I woke up 8 hours later. Only it was 2 hours later. Wide awake. Staring at the walls. Sighed, gave up on sleep and got up.

Sleep eludes me ... for no reason. Maybe I just don't need it - but having my head tracking Brisbane time and my body clearly not in Brisbane tells me that, maybe, just maybe I need a titch of sleep.

I have my sights set on tonight!

It could happen ...

The Tuesday that Was Wednesday,

the Wednesday that was Thursday, and so forth ...

Can you be in two places at once? Neither can I - but my brain lately has been giving it a good try. I don't know if it is sleep deprivation or what, but if you ask me what time it is ... this second my brain will IMMEDIATELY spit out 5:50 Wednesday morning! No? Well, yeah, for Gary and I don't know why my mind has been tracking his time and not my own - it is clearly light outside and some guy is mowing a lawn so logic tells me that it is not ten minutes to 6:00 but in my mind it seems perfectly logical.

My new goal for the week is to try to stay in the here and now!

Photo for the day because my Irises are getting pretty:

Gotta go ...

it's about time to get up ...