Before Jessie left to live at Richmond State School – my life was very defined for me. I bathed her, helped her with her toileting, dressed her, fed her, kept her out of the food, did laundry, cleaned the house, cleaned up hundreds of Jessie bloody noses …. You know the usual ‘mom’ stuff. Now that she is gone: things just stay clean (not a drop of blood in 2 months!!), laundry loads are about 1/3 the size, I run the dishwasher every 2nd or 3rd day, we can’t get through a loaf of bread without it going bad, we need about half the milk – it’s like a small family moved out.
Each morning, Gary got up at 5:00 and got Ryan up. My alarm went off a few minutes before 6:00 and I made Ryan leave if he was still ‘napping’, then got Jessie ready for school, fed and on the bus. Then the other parts of the day started until she was back at 2:15.
Now that I can sleep in, I can’t stay in bed past 7:00 – it just seems wrong and I can’t sleep anyway. The house is clean, the laundry has been done, half full dishwasher, there is food in the fridge … rotting. And I sit and wonder what I want to be now that I have grown up … professional blogger is apparently out, so … what? It is weird to feel …. useless.
Go back to work? No, last time I did that I got very ill and had to quit (that CFIDS and the gift of arthritis I got when I had Lyme Disease). And the part of my brain that contained the Computer Science degree and Math minor was apparently written over with parrot conversations, imaginary pets, conversations with the dog and the names of all Jessie’s dolls and stuffed animals, so I pretty much qualify to be a Wal-Mart greeter.
Sigh, I will figure it out. Later. Gotta pack for a cruise in 5 days….
Busy … Gotta go…..
3 comments:
I love your blog! So feel free to stop by my house anytime---I always have dishes that need washing and clean clothes to fold!
Or come to my house. Even with just the two of us at home, I have projects waiting to be done that keep waiting. You could scan in all the pictures "common" to all of us we took from mom's house. Or you could check the 100+ floppies for any valuable content that I inherited from dad. Or, you could research Gary's swedish line to see how we tie into the names we brought back from Sweden. Or, you could organize the boxes of my kids things from gradeschool on up, or . . .
I bet your local high school would kill to know that you could possibly sub for math classes. I can't find a sub that knows math unless I get the strange guy who brings in his kayak and shows his medal he won in some kayaking competition in his younger days. And then the math is a little strange too. Then you wouldn't have to kick puppies, you would have sophomores and junior and seniors to take your angst out on!
Yeah, I'm gonna go hide in my room now until I get to go on a cruise...
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