It has been 9 months to the day since that horrible day when I dropped you off at Richmond State School. I remember I was so scared! I remember thinking that mentally you were only three years old - what mother drops off a 3 year old at a new home? But then I remember I told myself that you were 20 years old and what mother does not let her 20 year old move out and learn to live on their own? It was hard for me to look at the 20 year old in you and not the 3 year old. Lately, I have seen a lot more of the 20 year old!
I remember you seemed so resigned to the situation and I didn't know what to do with that. I thought you would cry, or be excited, but you were something all together different - you just seemed ... sad. That was the worst part, I had not planned for quiet resignation I was not prepared for you to be sad, and you were never sad - this was an emotion that was rare for you. I don't think I have been that nervous about you since you had open-heart surgery - and you were just a baby then! It is a good thing that the sadness was just fleeting.
Nine months, and nine months of changes. Mom has learned a ton of new things she can do with her computer and to photos - having nothing but time now that you are gone. She is tentatively stretching her wings, still not sure if she can fly or not, but getting there. Ryan is graduating and heading to College - we are busy looking for apartments. And Dad? Well, Dad does not live here anymore! He lives in Australia - the land of kangaroos and koalas. I go visit him often so I won't miss him so much, and he will also be home soon - so you won't miss him so much. Not the best way to live, but Daddy gets to build a city - a whole city in a place called Papau New Guinea. A city with roads, and bridges, and water treatment plants - a new fun experience for him - so we are happy he gets to do it. And he probably would not have been able to do it if you lived here - it would have been very hard for me and he probably would have turned down the job. So you becoming independent and living on your own is helping us expand and grow ourselves - thank you for that.
Nine months, and you? You are a different person! You have lost weight, become more independent and everyone in your dorm loves you! Mommy is so very proud of you - you have exceeded my expectations at every turn. It is fun to watch you with your new found friends - something that you have not experienced until now. You are a natural with people and it is fun to watch you interact.
I think you like that I was in Australia for two weeks. Why? You got to go to Sister Randall's house! That means a good dinner, phone conversations with her children and fun with both the Randall's! I know you liked that and missed her on Sunday when I picked you up. I am glad that my good friend is such a good friend to you.
Sometimes I miss you more than I can say, and I realize that you, the Jessie that lived here is gone forever and I can't have you back even if I decided to bring you home. You like living among your peers and I would be taking that away from you. But also gone are the tirades, the hitting and kicking me, the 'I hate you moms', all good things. So I realize that we are both in a new season in our lives and we can't turn back now ... and I wouldn't want you to.
Mommy loves you,
Mom
I remember you seemed so resigned to the situation and I didn't know what to do with that. I thought you would cry, or be excited, but you were something all together different - you just seemed ... sad. That was the worst part, I had not planned for quiet resignation I was not prepared for you to be sad, and you were never sad - this was an emotion that was rare for you. I don't think I have been that nervous about you since you had open-heart surgery - and you were just a baby then! It is a good thing that the sadness was just fleeting.
Nine months, and nine months of changes. Mom has learned a ton of new things she can do with her computer and to photos - having nothing but time now that you are gone. She is tentatively stretching her wings, still not sure if she can fly or not, but getting there. Ryan is graduating and heading to College - we are busy looking for apartments. And Dad? Well, Dad does not live here anymore! He lives in Australia - the land of kangaroos and koalas. I go visit him often so I won't miss him so much, and he will also be home soon - so you won't miss him so much. Not the best way to live, but Daddy gets to build a city - a whole city in a place called Papau New Guinea. A city with roads, and bridges, and water treatment plants - a new fun experience for him - so we are happy he gets to do it. And he probably would not have been able to do it if you lived here - it would have been very hard for me and he probably would have turned down the job. So you becoming independent and living on your own is helping us expand and grow ourselves - thank you for that.
Nine months, and you? You are a different person! You have lost weight, become more independent and everyone in your dorm loves you! Mommy is so very proud of you - you have exceeded my expectations at every turn. It is fun to watch you with your new found friends - something that you have not experienced until now. You are a natural with people and it is fun to watch you interact.
I think you like that I was in Australia for two weeks. Why? You got to go to Sister Randall's house! That means a good dinner, phone conversations with her children and fun with both the Randall's! I know you liked that and missed her on Sunday when I picked you up. I am glad that my good friend is such a good friend to you.
Sometimes I miss you more than I can say, and I realize that you, the Jessie that lived here is gone forever and I can't have you back even if I decided to bring you home. You like living among your peers and I would be taking that away from you. But also gone are the tirades, the hitting and kicking me, the 'I hate you moms', all good things. So I realize that we are both in a new season in our lives and we can't turn back now ... and I wouldn't want you to.
Mommy loves you,
Mom
4 comments:
Thanks for sharing another of your beautiful letters to Jessie. I love to read them.
I second that.
This letter is so peaceful. The tormenting words of previous "Dear Jessie"s are absent, and that makes me happy for my friend.
It sounds like Jessie is taking her school by storm! I love reading about her successes and triumphs. Congratulations, Lori, on both of you spreading your wings.
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