I am sure Gary and I are doing enough of that for everyone - and we are all doing fine here. And, yes, Gary calls each day and we discuss the day - he always apologizes for not being here, and since he has been pretty emotional, maybe Spain is a good place for him right now - I only had to worry about Jessie, Ryan and my own emotions this week - maybe that was enough.
So - I thought that I would share some positives and 'funnies' from the past 3 days.
Monday - yes, I wanted to kill Jessie's lawyer, but when I spoke with Vicki Vacek on Tuesday morning and asked her if that was a bit weird - she said it was totally bizarre and she had never seen anything like it.... but the other couples lawyer didn't show - so they had to come back another day. Dudes - I would have rather been grilled for hours than not have him show - I am so grateful I did not have to re-schedule anything.
Wednesday - I called Jessies social worker - thought that maybe I should give her a name: Angie. She told me to rethink growing Jessie's hair out. On Tuesday at intake she had asked me if we wanted their beauty parlor people to take care of her hair. I told her yes, since I just cut it off with a blunt knife (kidding - but that is what it looks like). I told her she does not like elastics or clips in her hair so it needs to stay short. S0 - she was asking me to rethink her hair. She said the beauty parlor could braid it. She then went on to say she had seen LDS womens hair and thought it looked so beautiful braided. I thought this odd, but said, well if she wanted to try ... go ahead. As I hung up I realized: OH. MY. GOSH - SHE THINKS WE ARE FUNDAMENTALST LDS! EEEEEEEEW! You know I have been called a bunch of not so flattering things - but this one grossed me out the worst. I guess Gary showed up to the original intake with just one of his wives....
So - today I get the special opportunity of setting Angie straight and to try not to become a spitting, freaked out lunatic when I try to explain that no, I am generally not dressed in a lovely pastel, handmade dress. NO ONE has ever made the mistake of thinking I was FLDS - go figure - I wonder why?
So - any ideas on what to say to her rather than me just blurting out - YOU THINK WE ARE TOTAL FREAKS - WE ARE ONLY MORMON FREAKS (just a little freaky) ... let me know. Linda says there is a news release on the LDS website discussing the differences so I will try to get her e-mail address and (man I would love to write this rather than do it by phone) send her the link.
That is the sum total of what I need to do today - SET ANGIE STRAIGHT.
I called this morning and said that I really did not think that me speaking with Jessie was helping her (or me) and that I needed to give it some time, but really needed updates on her. They said she asks about going home, and they tell her she lives there now, and she is all "Ok, when do we eat?". They said she says she does not want to go to work, but then goes and the people at the 'work' place say she is enjoying herself and doing a great job. She showers both morning and evening - so my worries she won't stay clean are pretty much put to rest. And all in all they said each day she has become more social with the others and is smiling and acting pretty good. It was all good news, and good to hear. They also said she has been having a bunch of testing and dr / dentist appointments and that the nurse keeps telling them that her mother had taken such good care of her - flattering, yes, but hopefully they will get the message that said mother will kick there asses if she is in anyway neglected, not taken care of, etc - just sayin'...
So - we are all doing fine her. The house is so quiet I want to burst into tears every other second - but that is just normal - I am pretty sure. I have not had to get up early, break my back bathing Jess, or any other of the no-so-fun stuff I have had to deal with lately - so I dwell on those.
I think I am going to give her a month before phone calls from everyone - I hope that is OK, with y'all. I think she needs some time to process where she is. I would love to be able to tell Gary we are not going to see her for a month - but I am pretty sure short of sedating him for a month will keep him away. I don't know if it will be good or bad for her - but it will be good for Gary - so we will go as a family (maybe I will ask if I can bring Charlie) and just stay on site and go that way. I think that would cause her the least amount of regression - but that is some mother just rambling - I have no idea what I am talking about - just flying by the seat of my pants here.
Thank you for the comments - they have meant a lot to me. I will get the address of where you can send Jessie something - I think that won't be as confusing for her - it might be - but she will have something tangible she can look at that is new and that will brighten her day and I think confuse her less. I appreciate the prayers, that our names are in multiple temples and I know that I am dealing far better with this than I would have been 'alone' - so thanks again for your kind words, prayers and thoughts.
Lori
So - I thought that I would share some positives and 'funnies' from the past 3 days.
Monday - yes, I wanted to kill Jessie's lawyer, but when I spoke with Vicki Vacek on Tuesday morning and asked her if that was a bit weird - she said it was totally bizarre and she had never seen anything like it.... but the other couples lawyer didn't show - so they had to come back another day. Dudes - I would have rather been grilled for hours than not have him show - I am so grateful I did not have to re-schedule anything.
Wednesday - I called Jessies social worker - thought that maybe I should give her a name: Angie. She told me to rethink growing Jessie's hair out. On Tuesday at intake she had asked me if we wanted their beauty parlor people to take care of her hair. I told her yes, since I just cut it off with a blunt knife (kidding - but that is what it looks like). I told her she does not like elastics or clips in her hair so it needs to stay short. S0 - she was asking me to rethink her hair. She said the beauty parlor could braid it. She then went on to say she had seen LDS womens hair and thought it looked so beautiful braided. I thought this odd, but said, well if she wanted to try ... go ahead. As I hung up I realized: OH. MY. GOSH - SHE THINKS WE ARE FUNDAMENTALST LDS! EEEEEEEEW! You know I have been called a bunch of not so flattering things - but this one grossed me out the worst. I guess Gary showed up to the original intake with just one of his wives....
So - today I get the special opportunity of setting Angie straight and to try not to become a spitting, freaked out lunatic when I try to explain that no, I am generally not dressed in a lovely pastel, handmade dress. NO ONE has ever made the mistake of thinking I was FLDS - go figure - I wonder why?
So - any ideas on what to say to her rather than me just blurting out - YOU THINK WE ARE TOTAL FREAKS - WE ARE ONLY MORMON FREAKS (just a little freaky) ... let me know. Linda says there is a news release on the LDS website discussing the differences so I will try to get her e-mail address and (man I would love to write this rather than do it by phone) send her the link.
That is the sum total of what I need to do today - SET ANGIE STRAIGHT.
I called this morning and said that I really did not think that me speaking with Jessie was helping her (or me) and that I needed to give it some time, but really needed updates on her. They said she asks about going home, and they tell her she lives there now, and she is all "Ok, when do we eat?". They said she says she does not want to go to work, but then goes and the people at the 'work' place say she is enjoying herself and doing a great job. She showers both morning and evening - so my worries she won't stay clean are pretty much put to rest. And all in all they said each day she has become more social with the others and is smiling and acting pretty good. It was all good news, and good to hear. They also said she has been having a bunch of testing and dr / dentist appointments and that the nurse keeps telling them that her mother had taken such good care of her - flattering, yes, but hopefully they will get the message that said mother will kick there asses if she is in anyway neglected, not taken care of, etc - just sayin'...
So - we are all doing fine her. The house is so quiet I want to burst into tears every other second - but that is just normal - I am pretty sure. I have not had to get up early, break my back bathing Jess, or any other of the no-so-fun stuff I have had to deal with lately - so I dwell on those.
I think I am going to give her a month before phone calls from everyone - I hope that is OK, with y'all. I think she needs some time to process where she is. I would love to be able to tell Gary we are not going to see her for a month - but I am pretty sure short of sedating him for a month will keep him away. I don't know if it will be good or bad for her - but it will be good for Gary - so we will go as a family (maybe I will ask if I can bring Charlie) and just stay on site and go that way. I think that would cause her the least amount of regression - but that is some mother just rambling - I have no idea what I am talking about - just flying by the seat of my pants here.
Thank you for the comments - they have meant a lot to me. I will get the address of where you can send Jessie something - I think that won't be as confusing for her - it might be - but she will have something tangible she can look at that is new and that will brighten her day and I think confuse her less. I appreciate the prayers, that our names are in multiple temples and I know that I am dealing far better with this than I would have been 'alone' - so thanks again for your kind words, prayers and thoughts.
Lori
5 comments:
Thanks for the update. You truly are amazing! Marci is trying to explain this fundamentalist thing to me. Send me the link and I can call Angie. We are thinking of you. P and M
Way to hang in there. When does Gary get back? I would love to send a package to Jessie also. Any suggestions (besides princesses) that she would like? What is the least destructible?
Love,
cherri
I just got on the blog and I can't find the comment I wrote last night. I don't know what I did wrong but I'll try again. I just thanked you for keeping us informed. I said I would call you Sat. I think you and Gary have enough to talk about so I'll wait a day. I tried to help Jill get into the blog so she could read your articles. She found some of them but didn't know how to comment and I had told her not to call you. Anyway just know that she is thinking (and crying) and she will be calling you some time. I hope Gary is home. I'll talk to you later.
Love Mom
WOW! I'm actually impressed at the transition! Less than a week and she does seem to enjoy things and grasps the new life. She may keep asking about going home - but - she is Jessie and that is what she does - ASKS, ASKS, ASKS! She may do that for quite sometime. As long as the response is good, it may just be a habit she gets into.
Jodi
Parenting is so tough!!! I think it is tougher being the parent than the child.
As Mom would say, "This too shall pass." It's a "white knuckle" ride now, but it will get better.
Much love.
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