Dear Jessie,
It has been 4 weeks since I dropped you off at Richmond State School. All in all, things have been fine - but only because I was 'blessed' with so many distractions, and the people you live with have been so kind to keep me informed. They love you dearly and wish they could clone you. You have adapted well and so I have not had to worry about you at all - just me. I am slower to adapt than you, go figure.
When I dropped you off, daddy was gone, and since his job is to keep me sane ... I thought huge problems would arise. But, I did pretty well for those days, because I was too busy preparing for my Super Craft Saturday - which went pretty well - and that is based on the fact that the church is still standing and not a pile of smoking rubble.
I was pretty worried about what would happen after the Craft Saturday, since I thought I would have nothing to do but think... And before I could get all worked up? I was preparing for a hurricane! You didn't do that did you? Cause, I really could have done without all the fuss, and hysterics and the blowing and crashing and man, I gave all 3 of our air conditioners hugs today (I had said I would ...) - it is hot and humid down here!
I tried to call you last night and you were asleep. It was 6:00pm? They said you didn't want to get on the bus in Brenham, and they had to sedate you. SEDATE YOU!?! I pictured one of those horrible psychiatric movies where two burly men in white lab coats hold you down screaming while some evil doctor sticks a big needle in your neck. It. Was. NOT. A. Good. Night. Let out some of that pent up panic / worrying / crying / screaming ... probably needed to, but only for a few minutes instead of hours like I should have / would have.
So ... daddy is now on an airplane to London. Yes, I told you that on the phone today and you were sad you could not talk to him. Me? I am sad that I will be batshit crazy by the time he gets home - but not to worry, he can always make me feel sane once he gets home. (The secret?: He loves me just the way I am and does not care that I am batshit crazy ... if he can hop on a plane every now and then ... And for some reason, that makes me less crazy, weird huh?) .
I am sorry your 4 weeks have been so exciting for you - a lot of workshop before school started - and I know how much you love school. Just to have to leave after 3 days of school and evacuate to Brenham - somewhere new and unfamiliar. But, you know what? The only thing I could think about while things were getting 'funky' during the storm was I was SO glad you were safe and did not have to weather this - since you would not understand.
I think the school will be good for you - it will help you become an adult and leave your childhood behind, but now I know - it will keep you safe also.
Sweet dreams tonight baby, mommy loves you.
1 comment:
I think you're adjusting better than you give yourself credit for. As I've caught up on reading your blogs, the one thing that really stands out is that THE FUNNELS ARE STILL IN MY CAR BECAUSE I CAN'T EVER MAKE IT TO THE POST OFFICE DURING BUSINESS HOURS AND IT WON'T FIT THRU THE LITTLE SLOT IN THE POSTAGE RECEPTICLES!!!!! But, I figure since you've found them scarce, I'll send them tomorrow anyway and you can have a stash! Remember years ago when I was telling you all my problems living in a small town the the wicked X and all the nightmares...well, I'll never forget when you told me you were so glad you didn't have my life! WOW! What an impact. I've since tried not to let it overcome so much of me. Lots has changed, the daily "boils on my butt" have become rare, but yesterday thru me for a loop when I got a vulgar message from Cort. Guess it'll always be there on the surface, just waiting for the right moment to come out. Hadn't cried about it until just this moment. I guess the realization of everything is just coming to me, it's never over. It does occur to me also, that this moment is just a micro-fraction of what Christ went through. Guess I'll just take it as it comes. Your strength helps me, because I guess through it all, I'm glad I don't have your life. I'm too weak and could never make it.
Jodi
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