I've been thinking about eccentric behavior lately ...
Me?
No - but there IS that ...
My theory with human beings is that as we grow older we just don't give a damn what other people think of us, thus we tend to do whatever we want - which may be construed by others as being 'eccentric'.
Makes sense.
How about dogs?
EVEN IF I thought that my Sweet Kjærlighet was developing the 'I just don't give a shit' attitude - which, based on her behavior at MOST times being the exact opposite of this - it makes no sense for a dog - a cat, maybe ...
Charlie lives or dies based on how we are feeling towards her. Take, for example, today.
I arrived home from some very unpleasant unpleasantries and as I unlocked the back door and came in - Charlie was her usual jumpy, and leapy, and barky and waggy and demanding her treat (a pigs ear for keeping the house free of pirates, marauding invaders, burglars and any other riff raff that is skulking about) - thus her usual self - but I have the nose of a hound dog and it immediately hits me that doggie poo was about. And she prefers to 'toilet' on my white rug - which - is excatly where I found it later.
"Ahhhgggghhhh! Charlie!" I exclaimed with more than a little bit of frustration and disappointment in my voice.
IN AN INSTANT she stopped all her jumping, and leaping, and barking and wagging and demanding and became Remorseful Lugubrious Dog, put her tail between her legs and skulked off - and I had yet to spy her offending 'gift'.
This does not sound like a Dog who has suddenly decided to not 'give a shit' ... er ... so to speak.
But if there was one word that could describe our dog as of late ... that word would be Eccentric - but that is only because "Hands Down The Weirdest Oddest Smartest Sneakiest And Just Plain Freaking Oddest Dog on the Planet" does not fit that 'One Word' rule ...
First - a year or so back - she decided to start eating my pants.
EATING.
MY.
PANTS.
PANTS - you know - as in denim? Wear them on the lower half of your body? Yeah - I would pick up a pair from off the floor (what? Don't judge me ...) to put them on the next day and what do you know - HALF THE DAMN PAIR IS MISSING.
Seriously - what impels a dog to wake up one day and decide, "Hmmm, you know what? I think that I am going to start EATING PANTS TODAY."
It MIGHT be semi-normal had she done it from the day we brought her cute furry puppy black butt home - but since we got her in January of 2005 - that is a very big NO.
So - I got on Amazon and ordered 4 ginormous laundry baskets with lids - thus thwarting her efforts - and if your pants were eaten, well, then it was your own stupid fault for leaving them out for the "Pants Eater", now wasn't it?
We have sort of relaxed our vigilance of everything being in the hampers lately and we have not found mauled and mutilated clothing items strewn about the house - so she might have worked that one out of her system ...
Hah! ...
again ...
so to speak ...
Probably a wee bit before she started eating pants, she started 'Dumpster Diving'. I guess she had decided that the garbage cans were her own personal shopping space and anything in them was fair game.
That sounds fairly OK ... in theory.
The day I caught her eating a BOAT LOAD of DRYER LINT ... after running in the bathroom to throw up ... because ... ugh - just ugh - I decided that the habit really was not as innocuous as I had earlier assumed.
Plus - she is a slob - she pulls everything out, takes what she wants to some secret lair where she apparently stashes her treasures - if she does not immediately EAT IT - and then just leaves everything else strewn about the room. She is a slob to the 100th degree ...
She also has a 'Thing' for Wet Wipes.
I DO TOO - I like them - they come in handy in all sorts of situations - but throw one in the garbage? You be in for an EXTRA SPECIAL treat with that one!
Her digestive tract apparently can take the PANTS, toilet tissue, cardboard boxes, Q-Tips, elastics, and *shudder* dryer lint - but it apparently draws the line at Wet Wipes.
They are forcefully ejected from her body in one of two ways ...
I am pretty sure that you can figure out for your own selves the two types of expulsions we are talking about.
And ODDLY ENOUGH when in the house and her urge to ... expel becomes her number one priority - does she come and get me and politely tell me she needs to go outside?
And, let me be clear - yes, she has a certain growl / mutter / talky / barky thingie that she does that is reserved for: "Let me outside now ... B***ch" sentence that she is clearly saying - be it during the day or the middle of the night. It always sounds EXACTLY THE SAME - thus it is rather easy to know when she needs / wants to go outside.
Does she do this?
No ... she wanders over to the nearest piece of carpet - off of the miles and miles of tile and wood flooring and then just ... expels ...
ON THE CARPET / RUG. And there in the middle of ... whatever ... in all its disgusting glory is a single, intact wet wipe sheet.
Seriously ...
HOW DOES SHE EVEN GET IT INTO HER STOMACH WHOLE?
Thus the necessity for these types of garbage cans where ever a wipe might be used:
She is looking guilty here because she is still feeling rather guilty for the 'mess' on the carpet today. She refuses to make eye contact with me, but sits near enough that I can hear her chanting "I'm Not Worthy" over and over.
WHY OH WHY does she not feel guilty about expelling Wet Wipes?
Does she think we think it is cool? Since it was ours to begin with - she is just - basically giving it back?
WHAT?
This dog really is starting to drive me nuts ...
And then I wrote the post:
"Hands Down The Weirdest Thing My Dog Has Ever Done"
About her chewing up a Frisbee and then trying to hide it before Gary discovered her naughtiness by burying it -
There are no words to the depth of weirdness my Kjærlighet can get into ...
Which brings us back to this week.
Well, it started last week ...
I remember because it was the day the Cleaning Ladies came and cleaned the house.
I had 'Scootered' out to the kitchen after they were gone and noticed a pile of dirt on the floor by our one sorry, sad, barely alive tree in my 'Indoor Garden'. I thought it odd that they would clean up the entire house and then, for some reason do something to dump some dirt on the floor and not clean it up.
I gave it approximately 1 second of thought and then put it out of my mind.
Then, yesterday, I arrived home after my wonderful friend dropped me off from taking me to the Doctor and noticed a rather large pile of dirt on the floor:
In addition, in the pot holding the tree - there was a big hole, like something had been digging. You cannot see it really well with this photo, but the front portion of the dirt is about nine inches lower than the back portion of dirt.
It's too tall for Charlie - thus I said out loud:
"Charlie, I do believe we have been invaded by opossums!"
Never mind that they are nocturnal, don't dig at all and just - why opossums?
Well ... I guess ... why not?
Gary got home and the dirt was all still sitting there (like other things I will not mention) because it is almost impossible for me to clean up something on the floor with this scooter thingie. I have to get off and crawl around - not one of my best sports.
When he saw it and mentioned it I told him my theory.
He was less enthusiastic that random, odd animals had invaded our home.
And then we had a conversation that went roughly like this while he was in by the tree and I was at my computer:
Gary: "I gave Charlie a piece of licorice last night."
Lori: "OK, that is just lovely ... and you are telling me this why?"
Gary: "Because I think that maybe she buried it in the tree pot."
Lori: "Are you FREAKING SERIOUS? Opossums are MORE LIKELY. There is NO WAY Charlie could bury something in there - it is like three feet high!"
Gary: "And ... here it is!"
Lori: "What?!?"
Gary: "There was a piece of licorice buried in the dirt."
Lori: "THERE WAS NOT. You just totally made that up!"
Gary: "No, it's here - I'm going to toss it ... idiot dog. This is the LAST piece of licorice I give her ..."
Lori: "WAIT! PUT IT BACK! I need to take some photos of it!"
Gary: *sigh*
I still half thought he was pulling my leg until I got over there with my camera:
A close up - and no - it is not sprinkled liberally with flour - that is sunlight streaming through the blinds - but looks ... well, like I sprinkled it liberally with flour:
So ... apparently treats for the dog are out unless we see her actually eat them since who knows what she has done with the treats we have given her over the years.
Like Gary mused last night - it is not like there is another dog or a small child or ... something that might steal her precious licorice - did she really need to get up on her hind legs - dig a hole - put the licorice in it - and then cover it up? Seriously?
That seems to be a lot of work for nothing ...
Or is she trying to grow a Licorice Tree?
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