Bass-akwards

Today was the day!

I was going to get a cast! Something to protect my foot from, well ... myself, marauding invaders and dogs named Charlie.

I was simply thrilled.

This morning before leaving for the appointment, I unwrapped my footie-fake-cast-thingy entirely thinking that I would do a wee bit of 'cleaning up' so that when the cast was applied it would not seem so gross.

You know when you are moving furniture around your house and the guys move a huge shelf set and underneath it is like a TON of dust, dead bugs, small dead animals (kidding), cereal and other foodstuffs and you yell - "Just give me a sec to vacuum this crap up!" before they set the couch down ON TOP OF ALL OF IT?

 Generally I get a chance, because, seriously - placing a couch over that crap would keep me up nights and I would not be able to sit on the couch until I shoved it out of the way and vacuumed underneath it.

It is like after seeing it - it is VITAL it must be gone - before that it was not bothering me a bit. Just a little housekeeping sense y'all - that's all I ask.



My pre-prep plans for my foot and lower part of my calf?


EXACTLY THE SAME THING ...


Gary had mentioned when I discovered that I did not have 'sutures' as my Doctor referred to them, but rather - staples - that it was no biggie. He said they were sort of like those paper clamps ...

OK - I cannot describe them - I have some cute ones - just a sec and I will take a photo ...


Dang ... where are they? They are in the CUTEST tin?


Hmmm


Oh!


Found em ...

See:

What?

The "Fancy Schmancy Picture"  ... of CLAMPS?


The pillow embossing, the texturing, the fancy framing?

Yeah, I'm THAT bored ...


Photoshop is my friend ...



Anyhoooo ... Gary said they were EXACTLY like these ... except not as pretty, and not as big, and pretty much LOOK like regular staples - but work like these to just clamp the skin shut.

Thus when they take them off they just have a little doohickey that bends the little ends out and they 'fall right off'  I SWEAR that is what he said ...

He mentioned last night that we should have taken them out ourselves over the weekend since the only reason the doctor did not do it last Wednesday was because he was on Spring Break - so we are a week later than usual.

And why always Wednesdays? I know you are all dying to know ... he is only at the office near us on Wednesdays - thus everything occurs on a Wednesday ...



So - back to this morning - I decided after unwrapping my foot that I would, you know, just take the clampie thingies off and jump in the tub and scrub the crap out of my foot and leg before the cast was applied.


Grabbed one and gave it a good tug.


Hmmm ...


Ick ...


Ouch!


 It didn't move.


Tried a few more just in case that particular one was just being stubborn and NONE of them did anything but hurt like the dickens as I tugged on them - so I decided in my infinite wisdom that maybe I should not be doing this procedure by me own self ...

I sort of gave up on that whole 'jumping' and 'scrubbing' also since I seemed spent from just trying to pull staples out of my own foot - so I got a few washcloths and tried to clean up the best I could.

He tells me at the appointment that alcohol would clean up the orange stain right up ...


Yeah, NOW I know ...


So I got ready and waited for my very good friend Bonne to come pick me up (thank you again love ...)


And off to the Doctors ...



Got there and the nurse un-mummified me and then I waited for the doc - just me and my swollen foot and sausage like toes in all their jaundiced splendor:

And just for fun - took this disgusting photo of my staples and posted it on Facebook. And - no - it really does not look like the top of my foot does it?

I have no idea why, but as you can see from the photo above - it is my foot - a horribly deformed foot - but yet - still a foot ...

And, again to all who were totally mortified and disgusted with the photo ... You're Welcome!

So, the doc starts to take out the staples with something that looked suspiciously like a set of wire snips.


Hmmmm - that seemed not to bode well ....



He started in and was rather fast, but DANG!!!

IT HURT!!!




And let me tell you - when he snips one and jiggles it and it does not come out, so he JIGGLES IT SOME MORE and it still won't come out ...

Apparently the only option then is to YANK IT OUT WITH A PAIR OF NEEDLE NOSE PLIERS.

When Gary gets home I am going to beat the crap out of him ...

I felt an EXTREME CLOSEUP was in order here ... and again - You're Welcome:

All Done!!!

Can you guess which ones he had problems with? Does the blood that oozed after he cleaned up most of the bloody mess help at all? Hmmm?

And then he broke the news:

"Your foot is too swollen to put a cast on."

I was not really pleased with this pronouncement. He said he would put a soft cast on.


He told me: "That was what I put you in when you first came here."

Oh, yea - you wrapped some cotton around it, a couple of Ace Bandages - AND NOTHING ELSE.


Oh!


Except that Boot - a stainless steel METAL brace thingie that let me walk around on my foot until the surgery.

Apparently that sturdy Boot / Stainless steel METAL brace thingie  is going to be a problem with me wheeling around - impossible to kneel on - thus at the moment my foot is protected by about 2 yards of cotton batting and two ace bandages.

I guess even he thought this might not be enough protection thus started looking around and asked me if he had given me a 'shoe'.

I told him 'No'.

And then he stuck a tubie of cloth of what ever that crap this stuff is - and called it 'good'.

It does not look like any 'shoe' I have ever seen ...


Maybe a sock if you squint ...

He said he would put the cast on next Wednesday and made his exit.

If you note in the photo above - he was not very tidy while making me my newfangled "Soft Cast", but my two ace bandages with Velcro on them were over on a chair in the corner:

I WAS NOT leaving without them, so after foisting myself onto my 'scooter' I drove through the debris to grab them ... and sort of got hopelessly stuck.

TOTALLY WORTH IT.

These things are wunderbar!!

I finally got myself backed out of the debris field and out to the nurses station. I have no idea why she didn't come in like last time and help me out ...

I could have been in there stealing all sorts of bandages, happy feet papers, orthopedic stockinettes, cotton balls ...


Back out to my wonderful friend Bonne and we left.

Since I had a prescription to fill - we decided to go play in Walgreen's so that I could get my prescription then - since I cannot get in a car an navigate myself anywhere.

Toodled around Walgreen's filling my basket with all sorts of goodies while Bonne was off doing her own shopping. We would pass each other every now and then ...

Bought my prescription plus my 'loot' which looked suspiciously like a whole bunch of Disney Princess crap ...

And back to the car.

 I had beat Bonne out of the store - and didn't realize that she had exited when I took this photo - which I hope she won't be mad at me for posting - it was rather LOVELY weather and a pretty blue sky - but, well - she had been so nice to take me to the doctor and all ...

So - I am home now - in nothing but a couple of Ace Bandages ...

This just does not feel right. It has been three weeks since the surgery and still I am not in a cast - at the whim of Charlie jumping on me, or accidentally stepping down on it when trying to sit down and losing my balance on the way - happens ALL the time ...


This is going backwards from what I had this morning.  At least then I had that hard backed thing that came around my leg about 65% and completely covered the bottom of my foot.


Sitting here at my desk I have my foot resting on the floor and in addition to hurting ... it just feels weird.


Getting a cast on next week just feels totally backwards ...


But that does not seem all that odd for me, now does it?