Waiting for Daddy

It is Day 6 of Gary being gone and I have done pretty well. Ryan has not run away from home, I have not had a full blown panic attack, and on a scale of 1 - 10 of crazy, I'm just a 4. That's pretty good for me.

I had a dream about Jessie last night. Although I don't think Gary being in town has anything to do with my dreams. It is a recurring dream, with my memory taking an old family photo of me with my siblings and substituting in Jess for my little sister Jill. She is in the photo in a brown pony jumper and she has one hand covering an eye and the other hand held out to the photographer and she is crying. I have always thought it looked very sad. Before I had children I would dream of the picture and it would just be Jill. Don't know what it means. So now my brain stores the image and replaces Jill with Jessie. I know she wants something, I just don't know what.

Last night I seemed to know. She missed Daddy. She always misses Daddy because he is fun. She asked me when he is coming and I tell her soon. And then she is crying again. I remember being incredibly sad because I can't seem to help her or calm her down.

And then she was little again, happy and waiting for Daddy. Every day about when Gary was to drive in the driveway in his little grey truck, she would ask me to help her get on a stool so she could see over the bushes and then stand there at the window and wait for Daddy to come home. She would stand there for quite some time, with her braces on her legs, patiently waiting for that truck to drive past the window.

We pick her up every Sunday after church and bring her home. Every time I walk in and see her sitting there in a chair holding her travel slip in her hand so excited to go - it reminds me of her waiting for Daddy:

She will always be waiting for Daddy.