You have been at Richmond State School now for 3 months. That is a quarter of a year. I can’t believe it has been that long. Sometimes it feels like you have been gone forever and sometimes it feels like you have only been gone a few days.
You have adapted well and are learning new things, making friends, and the staff if falling in love with you. All these things that make me happy. This is what we wanted to happen and we are thrilled that it is happening.
You learned how to say “I love you” and I love to hear you say it. I enjoyed our drive home last Sunday when you decided to list those you love. You said: “I love Mom. I love Dad. I love Mrs. Randall.” I think you are starting to understand what love is and that is a big step for you. I am so excited to see the changes in you!
But the emptiness of the house still haunts me. I will get over it – I just don’t know when. I miss you. I miss you so much sometimes I feel like I am not going to make it through this transition. But then I remember that you are doing fine and that is what is important, not my feelings.
When you come home on Sundays, I see the change in you. You have new phrases, new skills, and always ask to go back to your friends. It’s all good. Mommy just needs to figure out how to live her life without you and she is not very good at adapting.
Sometimes you don’t look like you have really showered well, or dressed well and it makes me panic. Are they taking care of you? Should I call and demand more intervention with your toileting? What am I doing? I need to take care of you! But you are fine with it, so why am I so distressed about these things? Silly mommy.
I remember dreaming of the day you would be in a group home and I would be free. Free of the bathing, the dressing, the fighting and thought that life would be wonderful. A whole new life for me. Free to do anything I want. I got that life, but didn’t realize that there would be a hole in it – a yearning for your spirit and laughter and hugs. I miss them and don’t know how to fill up the hole in my heart. There is nothing that can replace those things and I know it. I just need to ‘soldier on’ and know that things will get better.
I am so glad that you are happy. That is the most important thing. So take care, sweetie and know that I am so proud of you.
You have adapted well and are learning new things, making friends, and the staff if falling in love with you. All these things that make me happy. This is what we wanted to happen and we are thrilled that it is happening.
You learned how to say “I love you” and I love to hear you say it. I enjoyed our drive home last Sunday when you decided to list those you love. You said: “I love Mom. I love Dad. I love Mrs. Randall.” I think you are starting to understand what love is and that is a big step for you. I am so excited to see the changes in you!
But the emptiness of the house still haunts me. I will get over it – I just don’t know when. I miss you. I miss you so much sometimes I feel like I am not going to make it through this transition. But then I remember that you are doing fine and that is what is important, not my feelings.
When you come home on Sundays, I see the change in you. You have new phrases, new skills, and always ask to go back to your friends. It’s all good. Mommy just needs to figure out how to live her life without you and she is not very good at adapting.
Sometimes you don’t look like you have really showered well, or dressed well and it makes me panic. Are they taking care of you? Should I call and demand more intervention with your toileting? What am I doing? I need to take care of you! But you are fine with it, so why am I so distressed about these things? Silly mommy.
I remember dreaming of the day you would be in a group home and I would be free. Free of the bathing, the dressing, the fighting and thought that life would be wonderful. A whole new life for me. Free to do anything I want. I got that life, but didn’t realize that there would be a hole in it – a yearning for your spirit and laughter and hugs. I miss them and don’t know how to fill up the hole in my heart. There is nothing that can replace those things and I know it. I just need to ‘soldier on’ and know that things will get better.
I am so glad that you are happy. That is the most important thing. So take care, sweetie and know that I am so proud of you.
Mommy loves you.
4 comments:
Thank you so much for sharing your letters to Jessie with the rest of us. They always touch my heart.
Beautiful. Thank you.
I'm so glad to hear Jessie is happy and enjoying her new friends and adventures. She's so wonderful with her energetic and loving spirit. How blessed we all are to participate in her life, even if it is just through reading your blog, Lori. Thank you for sharing such a personal relationship with us.
What wonderful progress Jessie is making!
Mothering isn't for wimps, is it? As Mom would say, "This too will pass." She just didn't say WHEN!!!
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