You Know What? There Are Just Too Many Options Here ...

When starting this Post - just a few of the Title Options that ran quickly through my head:

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"It's Been a "Good News / Bad News" Kind of Week ... - Part Deux"

Upon reading my Post yesterday, my father sent me an e-mail stating that while he had just arrived home from surgery and the anesthetic might be messing with his brain - here is what he got out of my Post:

"I do believe I read that you went for a glass of milk and spilled the entire gallon on yourself and that caused you to pass out for 4 hours and when Gary found you he panicked and got you a granny walker before taking you to the doctor to have assorted tests and they found you had no really bad stuff. Right? Mom and I even though we don’t fully understand your bad experience, hope you are doing OK now. If not, please let us know."

Which was pretty much my father's gentle way of saying: "Were you FREAKING HALLUCINATING while writing this Post!?!?! This is a pile of rubbish and nonsense!"

And all of a sudden, I was all - Well YEAH, now that you TELL ME. Total rubbish and nonsense. Even Gary could not figure out if I had broken something - based on this post - thus NOT something we wanted to duplicate ...

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Next up:

"Apparently Cherri WAS NOT AMUSED Enough ..."

Had anyone noticed the comments? My ever-so-funny Sister-in-Law says of the last post (in part): "You lead a crazy life. But I love your posts and I swear you have half the stuff happen to you so that you can keep us on the edge of our seats reading your blog!"

I told Gary while being Chauffeured to the Doc this morning - to remind me next time I was with his sister to punch her in the head. He was a bit alarmed at that, but knows it holds as much threat as my threat of stabbing him with a fork either a) in the chest or b) in the eye.

 I mentioned the comment and by the time we pulled into the Doctors office drive we were laughing out loud with the words

"Why yes, Cherri - I DID totally break my foot JUST FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT! How ever did you figure it out?" ringing throughout the truck.

Remember me stating in "Buckets and Buckets of AWESOME" that I had just given Fate "The Finger"? Yeah - well - since things rolled out a little slower this time, we weren't doing that EXACTLY ...

But apparently Fate just KNEW we were going to piss him off

Thus planned ahead ...

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Next One:

"Because You Couldn't Think Up ANYTHING MORE IMPOSSIBLE Than This?"

 

with an added sentence once you got into the post:

"Oh! Wait! YOU JUST DID ..."

Getting closer ...

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And Finally:

 

"It Began as Something it Wasn't ....

And Then it Became so Much More ..."

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Soooo seven days ago I had a bit of an episode, AND IT HURT! Not all that concerned and not wanting to explain my "Medical History ... The Grand Years", or my stash of pharmaceuticals that looks more like it should service a small Family of Hypochondriacs rather than one Medically Messed Up Mother - I convinced everyone that it would be in every body's best interest to wait for an appointment with my Doctor rather than a stranger at the ER.

Pleased with myself, I flopped into bed and pretty much stayed there until The Doctor Appointment.

She took X-Rays and saw nothing broken. Due to a bunch of other stuff and the 'No Break' mystery I headed down to "Her" Urgent Care Facility. I only apply ownership as those down there referred to her as "The Queen".

Upstairs with my Doctor, having not seen a break, they assumed that I had some ligament damage due to the extreme pain - thus an MRI to take a look. A few other tests and on our way back home, me flopping myself into bed and waiting for a call back with the test results.

The doctor called the next day. All was good news ... as it were, except for the fact that I DID have a break and a recommendation to see a podiatrist. Gary scrambled and did good!

With his Norway trip inching ever closer, he got me in with a podiatrist this morning, less than 24 hours after being recommended to do so. They mentioned that while their Wednesdays were at a building close by, it was the building where they did not have their own imaging equipment and should we need it, would have to check in ... next door ... get our X-Rays or whatever and hand carry them back - thus potentially lengthening our visit considerably.

But Beggars Can't be Choosers and off we went.

Now, in our varied and extensive medical experience ... that 'receiving end' kind ... if you asked me to name, list, what have you the number of times one Doctor has 'trusted' another Doctors test results I could with one hand - golly, why throw in the hand at all? The number is a very large ZERO

From the day we moved to Houston, Texas basically swapping a bed at Primary Children's Hospital in SLC, Utah for Jessie - meandering down through the years and tests and tests and tests to present there has never been a single one. Sad for that wee little one that would now get poked and prodded and irradiated again and again and again ... all in the name of ... what?

So a Doctor could make a few bucks? For fear of lawsuits and reprisals should those tests be wrong? For no reason but to torture a baby?

 It does not really matter ... the WHY. All that matters, from where we are sitting is the sad cruel fact of life that is NEVER going to happen ...


So don't hold your breath ...

And we didn't, nor were we surprised when we headed to the other building for X-Rays. All in all it didn't seem all that long, but I am now just on autopilot - trying to just drift. You would have to ask 'The Impatient Wonder' for a better feel.

Carried the X-Rays back and was seen immediately by Dr. Leisten.

 

The conversation was a bit of a blur ... but I BROUGHT VISUALS!

 

 

Cause I so know you care ...

 

I think I recall it starting off rather mellow. This being the conversation between the Doctor and Us and my running dialog in my head. He shows us on the X-Ray a tiny little piece of one of the tarsals...something that had chipped off - HARDLY worth even mentioning. 

Goin' good girl ...

 

Actually down there in that drawing - I believe it was the last metatarsal - the one above the 'cuboid' bone.

 

 

YAAAAAAAWWWWWNNNNN ...

 

All is calm as he asks us if we know where the Lisfranc Joint is? No, of course we don't because we are NOT PODIATRISTS. He explains it pretty much being right where it is on the drawing down there ...

"Lovely", I think.

He asks us if we are Aggie Fans?

 

 No ....

 

AGAIN ...

 

YAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWNNNNN?

 

With a titch of ... hmmm ... what the?

 

He then begins to explain the Good French Doctor: Jacques Lisfranc de St. Martin who discovers these injuries in his soldiers and describes them for the first time, thus the namesake.

 

Note - from here on out - if I use my name first - it is something I was thinking not saying out loud ... knowing that discretion is the virtue of something or other ...

 

 

Lori: "Ummm - damn!?!

 

He be Mighty Old to be fighting in the Napoleonic Wars and to be an AGGIE FAN!!!

 

Super AWESOME ... 

 

I want cake ..."

 

As I come out of my 'cake fugue' I hear him say that mine is 'broken'.

 

Lori: "Hmmm?"

 

He explains that OUCH! Upon doing what ever I did - Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! I tore off the ligament holding it all together "Eww, Eww, Eww" and then the second metatarsal got shoved on top of the first one and thus I would have to put absolutely no weight on that foot for at least two months.

 

Lori: "WHAAAT?

 

Oh! 

 

Crap!

 

Oh!

 

Damn! 

 

Oh!

 

A few other probably choice words ...

Crap!

Crap!

 

Shit!

 

Dude? Could you have TRIED to come up with something so COMPLETELY AND ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE TO DO IF YOU TRIED?  I can't do that!!!"
 

The doctor finishes his statement about staying off of it by saying - "but that is all after the surgery and the steel plate and the ...."

 

Lori: "And lookie there ... HE JUST DID ..." 

 

I then devolve into a brain rant that we just won't print here ...
 

Note the LOVELY graphics showing the ligaments EVEN AS THEY TEAR - sadly I didn't ask for my own commemorative set to share here ...

Note to self: When going in for surgery on your foot and want to let your readers know EVERY FREAKING LITTLE DETAIL about the damn freak show that discovered your injury -

 

JUST DON'T

 

A) NOBODY CARES!!!

 

 

B) Ugh!  Ick!  I think I threw up a few times looking at the photos ...

There are photos of peoples feet that look like they have a complete shaving kit in their foot. Not to mention all the photos of the surgery itself and the scar and ....

 

Never mind.

 

Gotta go puke now ...

 

The Doctor suggests we get one of these - a MIGHTY FINE idea as the 'no weight at all' and the 'I might have to pee during that two months' are gonna collide at some point ...
 

And, I mean - with that giant cast - who WOULDN'T want to look EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS?

 

just sayin' ...

And then for good measure and upping my 'Itchiness of left ankle' by 200% He did this:

And this:

At this point Gary mentioned that I was a Super Wizard for bathing last night ....

YES ....


I AM ...

Oh!

Did I mention the surgery is FRIDAY!?!?
 

And not to be pessimistic all over myself ... but my healing abilities? Have not been up to par as of late - so I need to mentally prepare for a long haul ...

 

A VERY, VERY long haul ...

 

 

*sigh*