... 3 February 2013
It's a
happy, joyful day to FINALLY, FINALLY make it long enough through Church to see
the RS books for this year displayed on a table right outside the RS Room, all
ready and waiting with your name beautifully printed on a label on them for you
to identify yours and to pick up as you go in to class.
Seeing the
table I remember thinking: “Lovely” as I started looking for my name, and as it
WAS the first Sunday in February the pile was rather slim with each and every
name showing. All the books laid out in beautiful straight rows.
Hmmm? As I
peruse them a third time, and being rather dense I finally, finally realize
that my name is not there? My husband was standing near conversing with someone
and I turned to him, rudely interrupting and asked him if he had picked up my
book?
No, he
answered and continued his conversation.
I shrugged
my shoulders and continued to where I was heading … sadly, not to RS, but home
to rest and relax my back from all the sitting ... it had started to spasm –
which means that sitting is no longer an option. And I needed to pick Jessie up
in an hour.
I had been
SO PROUD!
SO PROUD
that I had made through Sunday School – yeah! Something it has been forever
since I had accomplished … that seemingly simple task. And yet – seemed so
MONUMENTAL to me …
I generally
leave Church only after ralphing in the restroom (sometimes with a bevy of
little one giggling each time I heaved, or FUNNER YET, sticking their head
under to watch me "puke in a bag" ... Dudes, it will be a cold day in
Hell when I voluntarily stick my head in a toilet bowl .... just sayin' ...)
then practically crawling to my car.
Then make my
way home, fall into bed for however many minutes I have to rest, get my stomach
back together until Jessie arrives with Daddy and, well – a virtual “Hurricane
Jessie” hits until she is happily off in Daddy’s car again with her bag of
goodies headed back to ‘her house’.
As I drove
home it hit me, and hit me HARD, I was in a whole new world now. The Paradigm
Shift had started, it was taking hold … I was being rather dense and this
should have hit me standing there blankly staring at the table trying to
control the shaking and twitching from the back spasms that generally just
makes me look like some meth addict ‘tweaking’ …
But, well –
controlling those spasms and twitching takes a LOT of mental concentration …
apparently it used up all that I had at the time …
This new
world? … ‘This Shift’? I am afraid I have been relegated, shifted, shoved
over, reclassified, moved, downgraded, side-swiped … forgotten …
I realized
that I must have been placed on the “Inactive” list – thus no book. I mean – she’s NEVER going to be here to get
it … right? I. Am.
On. The. Inactive.
List.
I always
thought that I was on the:
"Being-Too-Ill-To-Make-It-Through-Three-Hours-Of-Church"
list.
“Inactive”
~vs~
~vs~
"Being-Too-Ill-To-Make-It-Through-Three-Hours-Of-Church"
?
“Inactive”
?
“Inactive”
~vs~
"Being-Too-Ill-To-Make-It-Through-Three-Hours-Of-Church"
?
“Inactive”
?
“Inactive”
~vs~
"Being-Too-Ill-To-Make-It-Through-Three-Hours-Of-Church"
?
For the
LONGEST time I thought that I was the latter … and maybe, still, I am –
regardless. I guess my name can be on a hundred ‘Inactive’ lists and I can
still think of myself as really just
"Being-Too-Ill-To-Make-It-Through-Three-Hours-Of-Church" but does
that make it true?
I think,
maybe, just maybe …
For much,
much too long …
I have been
deluding myself …
Paradigm
Shift complete …
*sigh*
Paradigm
Shift: Is a change from one way of thinking to another. It’s a revolution, a
transformation, a sort of metamorphosis. It just does not happen, but rather is
driven by agents of change.
~~ Thomas
Kuhn 1962
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