Does she look afraid? 'Cause she should. I have been home for exactly 3 hours and 8 minutes and I feel 'raving lunatic' coming on ... (she seems to have a more pleading 'HELP ME!!!' look, now doesn't she?)
I've been alone before - even warned you that it makes me a bit crazy (or maybe a bit more than a bit ...) - but this time it feels so .......FINAL ...
Maybe it is Gary's empty sink:
(OK, I did that because I can't stand his electric toothbrush and soap out - but still ...)
Or maybe it's this:
Or this:
I can finally see Ryan's floor and the jubilation lasted about 15 seconds ... then I started missing him.
It could be Charlie is freaked because, yet again, I am trying to drown out the silence by blasting my speakers ... I'm sure any minute now it is going to work. Any. Minute. Now ....
ALONE ...
Really alone - for the first time in my life and I'm wondering how this is going to go? As Cherri suggested - I could teach - except I want to visit my husband - so there goes anything that includes limited vacation days - and the last time I worked I got so sick I had to 'retire' and I do need to keep my health in mind.
I have projects lined up, and new software to learn, and new books to read and the every day things that just need to be done - so I should be fine.
But I am thinkin' that for some reason, learning Adobe Photoshop CS 4 would be a whole lot easier/funner/comforting if I could hear Gary laughing at something on the TV, or Ryan doing the same on his laptop while I was doing it. I could accomplish all this and then at the end of the day - show Gary (who loves me enough to act interested and say he likes my edited photos and graphics when I know, and he knows that he couldn't give a rats ass ...).
So, just Charlie - and right now she is TOTALLY not appreciating the September Newsletter header I have been creating in Photoshop
AT ALL ...
6 comments:
I love reading your blog, because you're so good at articulating so many of the same things that I feel inside right now but don't know how to say. It's strangely therapeutic for me to read your posts, because many times it's like I'm reading my own thoughts.
Sorry things are so lonely and empty at your place. I can empathize.
Dang, I hope my last comment didn't seem self-serving. I wasn't trying to make it about me. Just wanted to tell you how much I admire you for always writing from the heart. My posts sometimes feel superficial - I guess because I'm not talking about the deep, wretched things that are ripping me up inside. You're blog is just so much more pure and real. Thanks for being that way.
You didn't come across as self-serving - it was a very kind post and it makes me feel good to know that maybe my babbling is helpful to someone.
I couldn't write about what you are going through - ever, and to be honest - I have boundaries and don't write about the things that are ripping me up inside - the things that really hurt - this is just the 'semi ripping me up inside' stuff.
Thanks for commenting (and when I sneak over to your blog - I don't think that you are writing just superficial stuff).
Dang, Charlie, get onboard and admire Lori's work! Seriously, I always enjoy everything you do in photo shop, so if you need someone to show it to I am totally willing.
I'm sure it must feel like you are rattling around in that house of your. I'm sorry Gary's not here to enjoy being an empty nester with you.
I am impressed with how clean Ryan's room is. Jeffrey's room still looks like a tornado hit it! So now I get to clean it up for Brian. Fun for me.
And remember, those of us who love your blog are always ready for more of your PhotoShop creations. Or your rants. Whichever you feel like sharing.
I remember last year how I felt after the kids started school. It felt soooo great to clean their rooms and have it last longer than two minutes, but then I realized how empty it felt with out them there. I choose messiness over emptiness. (Most days.) You're fortunate that you have lots of interests, but nothing can take the place of someone you love just being there. Hope the pang doesn't take too long to soften.
ps I'm dying to get into PS. What's your opinion, should I save $ for PS (could be a long wait) or settle for Elements?
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