If Santa looks a little glum in this photo, it is because he is. Last year, Charlie killed the love of his life...
Mrs Santa Clause. She was running spastically through the house (Charlie, not Mrs. Clause) and knocked her over and smashed her face in. We blamed her for killing Christmas all week, and she looked very sorry and groveled for our forgiveness - we didn't explain to her that Christmas would go on since Santa does the delivering, but thought that we would blame her for a while anyway, since maybe Santa's heart would not be in it anymore.
So, I have decided to have guest Mrs. Clause's audition for the spot. Mr. Clause doesn't get a vote - I thought that I would leave it up to all of you in blog land.The Contenders:
Mrs. Katie Clause
Her qualifications: She seems nice, could tell me the news I missed while not watching TV, would suggest sensible toys for all those girls and boys out there, seems to not be crazy, and willing to try new things.***
Mrs. Hillary Clause
I know, she looks a little crazed (and that just might be true) but I am sure it is the excitement of dumping her current loving husband (too bad that 'loving' doesn't include her, but I digress ...) and getting a new one. She seems powerful, has Obama's ear and during these hard times, might be able to get Santa a raise or at least more elves (ship up some of the unemployed to the North Pole) so more presents for all.***
Mrs Martha Clause
Now HERE is a Mrs. Santa if ever there was a need to replace the current one. She cooks, she gardens, she makes decorations, she probably even knows how to take care of reindeer, in fact - I am not sure if there is anything that she cannot do. Mind you, this is all hearsay - I have never seen her show, but her reputation is out there. I do subscribe to the 'Living' magazine - if not just to terrify myself that there are actual people who do the things discussed in the magazine. Looking at the December issue - looks like she could decorate the North Pole with one hand tied behind her back, and make it look scary nice. Very festive.I am pretty sure that after I am asleep, she will clean up my house, organize my cabinets, do my laundry and fold those pesky fitted sheets to perfection, fix my decorations - or buy some new really cool ones (probably from her own line - but they better not be from Kmart), will bake cookies, pies, Christmas dinner, purchase all the gifts I still need to get (which would be ... well - all of them) and wrap them beautifully. She would turn my house into one of the pages in her magazine and I would be all full of Christmas cheer.
I am not sure what she would do the other nights, since I am convinced that she could pull all this off in one evening - I think she has magical powers just like Santa in that 'time warp' way when they are doing their thing ... maybe she could pass that along to me.
So ... who's it going to be - the news woman? The lady who really needs a new husband? Or the magical lady who will bring elves to my house and probably make it snow on Christmas eve?
Not that I am biased or anything ... just asking.
ADDENDUM:
Based on the votes so far I need to include a couple more (but this is it - the polls (actually my camera and my scissors) are closed for the day):
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Barbara Clause
She looks the part, Laura said she would probably even clean my house, so there is a plus. And she is sweet and in Santa's age range.It was also suggested that Santa should have a say in this, so I let him pick and he (Gary) picked:
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Sarah Clause
Her qualifications: she is used to the cold, she can see the North Pole from her house, and she can threaten the reindeer with a shotgun if they get out of line. And Santa thinks she's hot - so ... basically she made the list.
Neither, I believe have magical elves - which I am thinking would still come in mighty handy, but ... there you go.
I'm seriously sticking this Mrs. Clause out in my living room with a piece of paper taped over her face, so think long and hard about this ... it just might be a smiley face!
6 comments:
Couldn't we glom two together? (Not Hilary - she's on the road that will eventually cancel Christmas altogether). But, if we combine Katie Claus for her cheerfulness and Martha Claus for her industry, that would be a perfect Mrs. Claus! Martha alone would suck all the Christmas spirit out of Santa himself, and Katie couldn't get all the North Pole together (but she could sure do the commentary for Martha).
I'm not sure Santa would be happy with any of them (and his feelings should be taken into account). I guess I would pick Martha.
But what's wrong with Barbara Bush Clause? I think she fits the looks - and she'd probably clean your house for you.
although i love barbara bush and she seems like the most fitting one for the part im going to pick sarah palin. santa deserves a new and improved model and that woman can do it all!!! she can run rings around santa in fact he can probably take a break!!! im sure she can handle supervising the elves and all the ins and outs of the north pole. she could even probably handle the deliveries and santa could just stay at home with the old broken mrs. claus and give her comfort in her affliction! then the marriage wouldnt have to break up cause that wouldnt be a good thing for santas reputation! after all hes not a politian!!!
I think Charlie the Dog ought to be a candidate for Mrs. Santa. Excepting for her bad breath, scratching in public, and occasional drooling around food, she would make a fantastic companion for Santa. And these faults are fewer than some of the candidiates proposed. Budweiser has their spotted pooch to ride beside the driver, but Santa can have a fun and lovable companion to accompany him on that long ride through the skies. And I'll bet she knows how to snuggle better than the former Mrs. Claus. Perhaps Charlie could even make the reindeer go a bit faster with a her irritatingly loud sharp bark and a nip or two at their heels, hocks or whatever. Have you ever seen a dog that doesn't like to ride along with the air blowing through their hair, ears, open mouth and lolling tongue? Given the right flatulence-inducing diet she could also provide a ready source of warm air for the open sleigh. And she even has this year's "in" color. What more could be asked for a replacement for Mrs. Claus?
Dad
Wow - I'm totally torn between Martha and Sarah. Martha might be a bit intimidating for the whole operation up there, but Sarah might order up a pipeline right on through the territory.
I think Sarah wins for looks, and Martha for industry.
It's too hard to decide!
Martha all the way, especially if she decorates and shops for me and cleans my house - I'm all for it!
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