Confessions of a recovering Addict

Living in Norway changed some of my habits. We had two TV's connected to a satellite dish - although I never got one working and the TV repairman was so vicious about Americans, I was sort of relieved that he just put me off for an entire year and a half. One was enough. I quickly discovered that if it did not have some bizarre show about naked people covered in snails - all in Swedish, it was a European news channel which always made me cringe. Never very complimentary to those 'across the puddle'.

When Jessie was about 1 year old I realized I was achingly lonely, scared and had absolutely no one. Did I reach out to people for support, try to find friends, join a support group for handicapped children? No. I turned on the TV. PBS, I realized was good enough. Or the Today show in the morning - people were talking and the house was not so quiet. It stayed on until it was turned off to be packed up and shipped to Norway approximately 15 years later. And when I say 'it' we had 5 TV's which sometimes all were playing on the same channel so I could move from room to room and I could have my comforting background noise.

So, being a Today show junkie, I was going through news withdrawals when I was in Norway and very dissatisfied with what was on TV, started in on the Internet with gusto. I would search all the news web sites and large newspaper sites just to feel connected to the US. I found all sorts of web sites that I enjoyed reading and soon, my whole day could be consumed in Wikipedia reading about the Romanov's, or Queen Victoria, or Norwegian history. I loved that most every other word was colored - labeling it a link to itself. If the subject of the 100 Years' War came up in some article I was reading, I would click on it and read about it, and then click on something else I was interested in until I was nested so deep I couldn't remember the subject I had decided to 'research' that day. Wiki is my friend and will always be my friend. True it is written by people like you and me, but monitored closely for content and a study showed it as accurate as the Enclycopedia Britannica - but I really don't know how that would be verified.

Another web site I would visit daily - with Ryan is Cuteoverload.com. A blog about a collection of video snippets and photos of disgustingly cute and adorable animals. After he came home we would browse the new entries and say 'awwwww' a lot. I still visit it today.

I found a woman I really love to read (except for now because she has written some political stuff and I don't like talking politics - whether I agree with her or not - it is just not as fun to read). She is an inactive Mormon living in SLC with her husband and daughter. She suffers from depression and has been very open about it. Dooce.com is irreverent, foul mouthed (sometimes) but I would kill to be able to write like she does and I enjoy the letters she writes her daughter, the conversations she has with her daughter and husband, and I am in love with her photography - especially the 'daily Chuck' photo which more often than not - has him (her dog) balancing something on his head.

When I read somewhere that she was up for a 'webby award' for best blog - I went over to read it. In her 'about me' she discusses her lapse in faith and I felt I needed to read her entire blog just to give her a chance. It is years, and years long - but I read it all and became addicted to her beautiful writing (minus the really bad potty mouth parts) and photos. I was especially impressed after the birth of her daughter, she had to be committed for a while for post-partum depression and she would hand write her blog and her husband would type them in for her. I still visit her blog daily - if not only to see what Chuck is balancing on his head today.

Funny - many people have told me that my blog is very personal - I don't feel it is. I have never mentioned what I am (really) struggling with in my day to day life. What my family is going through, any personal information on Gary or Ryan - so I felt like I had my 'blogging boundaries' well defined. But telling you what I read daily - makes me feel exposed! I guess it is the Jessie part which seems personal, but so much of that is in the public and I wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to Jessie - I feel all that emotion is already out there and does not count. What I surf on my computer ... well - that is another story!

My son comes down from his room every now and again to show me funnies on Failblog.org which is a collection of incredibly stupid signs, headlines, video snippets - again some crude - but after you have surfed Norwegian TV and found the snail people - nothing seems to faze me.

So there it is - you addicts (you know who you are) ... you are not alone! I have kicked my TV habit - it is never on, but the internet is another story. I am not proud of the fact that I visit sites that might have a bad word or two - but I am a very liberal person (if you don't know that about me - I hope we can still be friends) and have had friends and acquaintances from all walks of life and I have decided that the joy I get from reading a letter from a mother to her daughter at dooce - is worth the few nasty bits. Same for the other sites that I just tend to find funny - bad, bad, me. I am just telling you this since you might have noticed that everything I just referred to has a link to it. You have been warned.

To end my sermon on 'The Wickedness of Me' I will point out that you cannot go wrong with Cuteoverload.com it is relatively safe - if you don't mind that October is 'Toctober' and shows adorable bunny butts and puppy rear ends. The funniest thing that has happened to me this week - involving my crazy dog Charlie - occurred because of Cute Overload.

We got Charlie in Norway - as a puppy. She is 3/4 'mellom' (medium) Schnauzer and 1/4 Gordon Setter, and as nutty as a fruitcake. She has the personality of 10 dogs and makes me laugh often. While in Norway, Jessie was attending a Norwegian school (wait, I will get there, just go with me) since the English speaking school did not have a special education department - yeah, disgusting, I know. So ... I learned Norwegian. I was not very good at it, but I tried and to this day still speak to Charlie in Norwegian - 'cause you want your little ones to remember there roots, right? So .... I was on cute overload and there was a cat on a pony snorgling (their word - snuggling plus ... I have no clue) - normal stuff for their website. It was a video and had a song playing. I realized quickly that it was Swedish since it is similar to Norwegian and I could understand about a third the words. All of a sudden, Charlie comes over to the desk and just sits for a second looking at my speakers with her head cocked and then starts going nuts - running in circles, jumping straight in the air - I think a dogs version of dancing. I don't know, but she seemed to really groove to the song - it made me laugh. I tell you this because, although you won't understand the song - I bet it will make you laugh too: MiniSwedishChef. And right now - I need all the laughs I can get.