It's a Start ....

After realizing that Christmas was just NEXT WEEK, I decided that I really must get to a decorating ....

Santa's Workshop is still in full production, and Santa himself is as jolly as ever ... is it so wrong to want to punch him in the face? Really?

I had approximately 10 big trunks to unpack and with my brain sort of coming down off a week of migraines it is a bit .... swirly. Decision making is not a thing that is done with a swirly brain - but I really didn't have much of a choice.

I sat all the 'Usual Suspects' on the couch and made them audition for a position in the house ...

Since half of my angels were already congregated on my desk - I took the rest in and what do you know?! They are in a VERY SERIOUS ANGEL CONFERENCE about who is going to go where. It's starting to get sort of heated ... well ... for angels.

Whoa! It's getting bitter up there! One of the angels just jumped - I am assuming trying to commit Angelcide - but only managed to scare the crap out of me.

COMMAND DECISION ANGEL BUNCH: Y'all are staying right there! And THE NEXT ONE OF YOU THAT JUMPS - better make it GOOD!

At least my ... um ... actually I have absolutely NO IDEA what these dudes are or what they are even called - it was a kit I bought in Norway and only managed to make them (ME! ME! I MADE THEM! OK, from a kit - but WHOA you are talking about ME!) made them a few years ago.

Let me start that over: At least my weird little thingies are behaving themselves - being very quiet and standing all in a strait line - I just might move them to a better spot if they keep behaving ...

The ONLY nativity I knew where it was going was this one. Gary had brought down a table for me to put it on since it was so big. Bet y'all can guess what the VERY FIRST THING I did. Yes, I set this up - I was so proud of myself.  Then promptly gave myself a half hour break ... in bed.

I then recalled I had a 'Nativity Wall' last year and decided I could manage that:

It has a Special Visitor this year. My nativity I bought at the Vatican in Rome, Italy stays up all year and I am usually too lazy to move it - especially since I like where it lives and I can see it from my desk - but I decided it could go and make friends ...

Note to self: PLEASE, PLEASE dust your beautiful little wooden nativity from Bavaria, Germany:

Then I got REALLY CLEVER - swirlies and laziness will do that to a person. If I could have a 'Nativity Wall' - why not a 'Nativity Desk'? And pretty much dumped all the nativities I didn't know what to do with here.

That is except for the one from Angola that Gary risked life and limb to acquire (Literally - He was an idiot to leave the hotel - very much against the rules. He always left from the roof in a helicopter full of big guys with guns guarding him. The hotel was guarded by gunmen but he snuck out anyway and wandered to an alley where they were selling hand carved nativities and flashed MONEY! He said it got a bit hairy ... But I have known he was an idiot for quite some time and it was a good wake up call for a 6'3" man that is usually not in fear for his life ... And I LOVE the nativity so all is well that ends well I guess ... Idiot ...) That nativity looks lovely in a line on the top of the desk - it is its home forever probably ....

I dumped a bunch of stuff on the fireplace mantle and called it good ... (I know, I know - there are 4 stockings. My sister in law made a Noah's Ark for Rachael before we knew she would not be around to use it - but since I love Noah's Ark - I say it is mine ... but don't tell anybody - *whispering* I really put it up for Rachael to be a part of our Christmas ...)

Made another command decision that all Santa's would guard a nativity. They were complaining they were bored anyway.

Swedish Santa is guarding the very large Willow Tree nativity because he is my favorite (don't tell the others). His name? We bought him in Sweden and we are very, very clever at naming things ....

Eagle Scout Santa (look at his gear - you will figure it out - he is very, very prepared) is guarding my very first nativity:

If you recall from last year, and you don't so I will repeat myself - I accidentally killed one of the three wise men putting this nativity set away the year before. Pathetically I still have all 157 pieces in a Ziploc bag - like maybe during the year he will just spontaneously put himself back together.  This was the very first nativity I bought and had it for our Second Christmas as a married couple (give me a break - we were married on Dec 19 - I was NOT  thinking of nativities that first year ...) so I was heartbroken that it was no longer 'perfect', no longer 'complete'.

But take a peek down there! Count the wise men ... Three? You say? Why YES THERE ARE. We had inherited a very small white nativity from Gary's mother and I had sort of misplaced it after we got back from her funeral, but found it last year and stuck it in with another small set.

I got it out today to put up and everything was there but Baby Jesus. Even his manger - but Baby Jesus was no where to be found. I really don't know what that says about me but I was feeling awful low that maybe I had actually lost Baby Jesus - I think that might even be a straight ticket to hell in some religions. As I was contemplating if I had just ensured myself to a very hot afterlife - the rest of my brain had actually been working feverishly on something actually rational and was trying to point it out to me ...

LORI!

What?

YOU IDIOT - LOOK AT THE OTHER PIECES - THE COLOR - THE SIZE!!!

Um, OK?

MAN, YOU ARE DUMB - THE WISE MEN - GO SEE IF ONE WILL MATCH YOUR NATIVITY.

Oh! Why what an excellent idea! You/I are/am so clever!  Went over to my very special very first nativity and compared the Wise Men to the ones in my nativity - picked out the one that I thought would work the best and called it - once again - 'perfect' - once again 'complete'.

Thank you Lee - I'll just bet you are smiling in Heaven right now - you ALWAYS, ALWAYS were so helpful when I was in need of something ....

By the way - can you tell which one is the 'imposter'?

I didn't think so!

I caught this guy trying to sneak out the back door with his skis. Dude! If I can't call this a vacation - and WHAT mother can call Christmas a vacation? I mean really? You ain't leaving this house - and promptly plopped him up on a plant stand (he is afraid of heights - don't ask me how I know ... I JUST DO ...) and he is not on guard duty ... In his defense - he IS from Norway and they just LOOOOVE to ski ... but still ... no, just NO ...

Now here is a mystery. I pulled this lovely Santa out of his wrapping and went "Hmmm, where did you come from?" I am assuming that he did not walk all they way to our house, pull down the ladder in the garage, climb into the attic, open a Christmas trunk and hide himself inside - but I guess HE COULD HAVE. I asked Gary and we both agree that I bought him when I was in Norway last year - and since I was on a ginormous shopping spree I just don't quite remember him.

Dang ... getting old sucks.

Or is it that I am crazy?

Either way - we are sticking with the story of getting him in Norway. I know where EACH AND EVERY piece of my Christmas decorations came from - I even went so far one year - worried I would forget - and labelled the individual boxes with the year and country it was purchased in - I'm thinking that was some real good thinking ahead ...

So - other than about 50 jazillion other things I have plopped about the house and have not included in this ever-so-lengthy post, and the losers that I deemed were not 'worthy' to be put out and are all sobbing in trunks strewn about the house and a few items that I just stare at and go "I KNOW I know where you would fit JUST PERFECTLY - hell if I know where that actually is AT THIS MOMENT, but be patient - I will eventually figure it out." They aren't happy - but there is always THE TRUNKS! They can hear the sobbing from the rejects I suspect since they are all behaving for now.

This leaves


JUST


ONE



THING ....


The FREAKING MONSTER OF A CHRISTMAS TREE!

I really, really thought that I would enjoy the larger tree - but that was actually BEFORE I FELL OFF A LADDER this week. Gary has banned me from getting on a ladder so as I stand in front of the tree - I estimate I can decorate the bottom third.

GO ME!

A rather perplexing dilemma is all my ornaments. I buy at least one Angel ornament each year. They are my Rachael ornaments. I started it when I was pregnant with her and knew she was going to die. I was in a mall and looked though a window in a Hallmark shop and saw a beautiful baby gold cherub ornament and right there and then I knew it needed to be on my tree ... for Rachael.

This has morphed into angels every year - and I cannot resist purchasing the Swarovoski Angel ornament for the year - but after a few years I decided it was cheating to call it that years 'Rachael Ornament' - it was just too easy. I realized that this year I have hardly been out of the house and had not run across an angel ornament for Rachael.

OF COURSE I had ordered the Swarovski Angel and even a set of Swarovski snowflakes, but nothing that I had put any thought into. Thus Saturday I got on the Internet - bought a beautiful Lennox porcelain Angel tree topper - Gary said I could count it - but NO! So I kept scouring ...

Hours later and with my credit card weeping from all the abuse I had purchased a few more crystal angels, an EXQUISITE solid sterling silver angel, and two absolutely breathless nativities - blog post to follow I am sure.

That being said - most everything you can see down there is either crystal or glass or silver. Now - dropping the silver does not do much damage - but I am TERRIFIED I am going to drop one of her 'Limited Edition - Can Never Be Purchase Again' Rachael Angel. I have had multiple nightmares about this very thing over and over this month ...


So here I sit - justifying that it would be stupid to try to decorate a third of the tree anyway - I will just have to make my boys help ...

That being said, it just very well might look EXACTLY like this come Christmas morning if things don't work out. And since I really am not as stupid as I tend to act sometimes - I really, really am not getting on a ladder anytime soon - so there the beautiful monstrosity sits is all its ... TALL ... splendor ...

Oh! Except for one little thing ...

Can you see in the tree up there that there is a very ugly, very 'will not match my glass and crystal and silver ornaments' thingy? Nah - I can't see it from this angle at my desk .... THANK HEAVENS. 

Yeah - that is that stupid Maestro Mouse that came with invisible tree we didn't get. Gary hooked it up - and WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

It is VOICE ACTIVATED AND MORE ANNOYING THAN ... WELL - LETS JUST STICK WITH ANNOYING ...

Thing is? You have to say ... HAVE TO SAY: "Hello Mr Christmas!" and then he talks to you in a cheesy British accented non-mouse sounding voice and tells you that you can tell him to turn on the lights, request a song, turn the lights off.

Gary, to my EXTREME DISPLEASURE thinks it is hilarious and talks to it all the time.  Last night he had merrily said "Hello Mr Christmas!" and "Play Joy to the World" and then left and went outside to throw the Frisbee for Charlie.

While playing songs - the idiot thing strobes the lights  which was doing ugly things to my headache. When Gary wandered back in I was screaming at the thing - I am pretty sure ... NOW ... that is does not know any swear words AT ALL ... Hmmmm. 

Gary, again, told me that I had to start with a merry "Hello Mr Christmas!" and then tell it to stop. I told him I would do that WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER, walked over and hit the power switch - told Gary I was pretty sure the freaky mouse thingy had caused me to have a seizure and we were NOT ON FRIENDLY TERMS. AT ALL.

And yet still .... Gary finds him hilarious and talks him into doing all sorts of things when he wanders through.

Try this on Gary - Imma gonna give you two more chances with that damn mouse and then -  me and "Mr Christmas!" are going to have a VERY, VERY LONG ... ALTERCATION - JUST ME, HIM AND A BALL-PEEN HAMMER ....


Yeah - have a freaking Merry Christmas y'all ...