Note to self ...

NEVER piss off your phlebotomist!

I DO have a very strict "DO NOT PISS OF THE NURSE TAKING CARE OF YOU IN THE HOSPITAL" policy - and it has done me well- and often, but the phleb's? Hadn't really thought it all through before ....

This Morning:

Me: (counting a basket of vials the Phlebotomist was filling. She seemed to be done, then stopped, looked over at some equipment on a shelf, walked over there, grabbed 5 more different looking type of vials and tossed them in the basket) "Um, you have TWENTY vials in there! I am only having 15 tests done today, are those all for me?"

Phlebe: (in a VERY grumpy mood) "Some of these tests take two vials".

Me: "NO, they DON'T".

Phlebe: (with a look of total shock and awe that I had spoken back to her) "WHAT?!?"

Me: "Look, I have been having my blood drawn almost every month for over 20 years now. I know EVERY test you are running today and I KNOW FOR A FACT that THAT TEST (pointing to my lab request form) and THAT TEST (stabbing at the paper again) can be combined and tested from the same vial - in addition - why don't you throw in the xyz test there also - I have had all three done at once and they took ONE VIAL. ONE."

Phlebe: (looking a wee bit surprised probably because:

a) I was smart mouthing her

and

b) I might have been more knowledgeable about the tests I was getting today than she was

replies - with sort of an indescribable evil glint in her eye) "Well, TODAY, just for YOU, some of these tests are gonna take TWO VIALS!"

Me: *sigh*

As she then begins one of the most painful, what I call "blind jab and hunt" explorations of one of my many very bad veins I start my relaxation and visualization exercises since I have had mucho experience with bad blood draws (going in to have my daughter Rachael, when they tried to start an IV they yelled at me and said that I had gone into Hypovolemic Shock and my veins had all collapsed (due to a rushing of the blood to the internal organs to protect them) and I was all 'so sorry about that, this is sort of a really bad day for me ...' and it was probably actually Psychogenic Shock - which is something I try to avoid - thus the relaxation and visualization exercises to keep the veins from collapsing and 'getting yelled at') So ... as I said, while she was doing her 'playing with the human pin-cushion' act I sorta muttered ... accidentally ... but not really ...

"shit"

I am controlling my breathing, heavy into my visualization and relaxation when I realize that that last itty bitty outburst was not just in my head I hear a very mad Phleb say:

"Keep talkin' and imma gonna need to probably poke you AGAIN just to fill up these twenty vials here ..."

Oddly enough - for the next 10 minutes, while the Evil Phlebotomist drained my veins, I kept my eyes and my mouth SHUT. Wont go into the raging rant going on in my head, though ... mostly unprintable stuff anyway ...

Still not sure why she needed the extra blood, still pretty sure it was NOT for my tests, still so tired of medical personnel that when given a little power - tend to enjoy abusing it ...

Whatever - at least she didn't poke me again ...



I so proud of myself ...