Gary called today and told me that I needed to blog. At 6:00 I go up and yelled 'I'm up!!' to no one except Charlie in this big empty house - using that voice you use when you have fallen and get up and say "I'm OK" - Charlie was not amused.
Told myself that I was going to stay up until I dropped.
Why?
This is why:
I know - it looks nice and all, but in reality it has become my prison and memories of pain, illness, and trying not to barf are all I can come up with when I lay in my beautiful hand made bed. I am assuming this will change - I like the bed too much to not make a concerted effort to fix this problem ... one day.Soon.
The end is in sight. Not so near I can blog about it, but I can see it! I can feel it! And I can say, no matter how much longer this goes on, this next trip to Australia will be my last. I have mixed feelings about that, but I don't think I can keep up this schedule much longer without, what? I don't know - getting sicker I suppose ... so - my last trip to a place I have come to love.
When Gary talked to me yesterday - and it does not take Gary, my mother, my close friends more then my 'hello' to discern whether I feel good or not - how pathetic is that? I cannot fake it enough to get a phone conversation out of the way without them knowing how I feel. I'm not very happy about that - but I have tried to fake it and apparently sound much worse than if I just say 'hello'. So the first thing he says is 'you are not feeling well, are you?'- which I told him yes. He then said that I just needed to rest up until my flight week from Sunday. I told him I was desperately resting up for Jessie's birthday party on Monday. It is now Friday night and I have yet to get out to purchase her birthday presents - so tomorrow will most definitely be a "Y" day - in and out of bed ...
After that - yes, then I get to relax until I am in Australia.
I don't know if we are going to do much. But I know I will spend a lot of time staring out the windows. One of my favourite views - and I will miss it terribly.
But - based on the math - it is time for me to stop being the 'great world traveller' for a bit. I might go stir crazy - but I think with my schedule being a bit less hectic, I will start to slowly get feeling better.
Until then - it will be prison, hopefully with a good book, and lots and lots of time.
Patience, my dear ...
Patience ....
4 comments:
oh, I hope you feel better soon...an that you can soak in as much of that view as is possible on your last trip. not to jest at your bad feelings toward your gorgeous bed but when i look at it i have to smile and remember when you marched me and sarah right into your bedroom, switched on the lights, and proceeded to tell us all about the bed WITH GARY SLEEPING IN IT! only time in my life i've seen that guy pissed. good times.
Liz - I SO DON'T REMEMBER THAT!!! It seems a bit out of character for me now, but right when it was new, I was super excited about it. I guess I have blocked it from my mind! A rare sighting for you ... seeing Gary pissed - it rarely happens!
I hear a sense of resignation in your words, it's sad. I hope with some time doing typical 'Lori' things; posing mummified cane toads, and taking that long country side ride, looking for the perfect of an old building shot or patch of wild flowers; I will be able to see that woman that I first read, over a year ago. Chin-up and all that crap! Seriously hope things come together for you, in a timely fashion. AJ
Thanks for the nice thoughts AJ. I was sitting here wondering why I was so down - and I realized that I am in that "no gary" stage. A quick 30 second "hi, how are things", but if my list of things is more than 30 seconds - times up - he's on a borrowed phone - so I think it is missing Garys magical dust ... I hope ...
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