A Non-Post Post

I use this blog as a journal of sorts and wanted to record a momentous occasion on the off chance that I will ever take this blog and (horror) put it in book form.

That being said .... DON'T READ IT!!! I know I come off as a spoiled, obnoxious, whiny world traveller - because, well, lets face it, I am a spoiled, obnoxious, whiny world traveller.

So STOP READING NOW!!!!


*** WORST FLIGHT EVER ***

As in my life.


And that is saying a lot - I have been on a lot of flights.

Funny thing .... you would THINK it would be that grueling 14 hour flight from Australia to LA - just the time alone makes it grueling - a few misplaced horrors would make the flight unbearable - which it would. But no misplaced (or perfectly placed) horrors - just got my 'airplane zen' on and watched crappy movies and soon enough LA was looming in the early morning horizon.

It was the relatively dinky flight from LA to Houston - 3 hours ... how bad could it be?

Stupid People:

I should have realized this was not going to go well when, as I boarded for row 29 of a 34 row plane, watched as an elderly gentleman proceeded to fill up TWO ENTIRE OVERHEAD BINS with suitcases. How he and his wife got them all on is totally beyond me. After stowing all their stuff, they proceeded back to ROW 34 and sat down. What? As I was watching, I started counting rows since I had nothing else to do since he was blocking the aisle and none of us could do anything until he was done decimating the space for everyone aboard - and he was stowing everything smack dab above row 29. Dang - I was going to have to stow my stuff in the compartments well in front of my seats - so I did - and so did everyone else.

And so it began - everyone would enter with a bag, walk to their designated row, open the closed bin (a CLEAR sign it was full) see that it was full, turn around and make their way forward to stow their own luggage - thus shuffling EVERYONES luggage forward and causing a record loading time - over an hour to get everyone on board.

Dumbest Invention .... EVER:

Continentals new planes have a entertainment system like the Qantas planes: movies, TV shows, music, games, flight path. The difference: Qantas has a remote that is embedded in your armrest that pulls out. Continental decided - by someone apparently smoking weed and drunk at the same time that it would be a good idea to MAKE IT A TOUCH SCREEN. On. The. Back. Of. Someones. Chair.

So I sit down and notice that you are able to use the entertainment system even while sitting at the gate. Apparently the neanderthal behind me discovered this also. It only takes a light tap to make the thing work ... except when it doesn't, but being over zealous he decided to put some zeal into his game playing and so about every three or four seconds my head would get a 'THUMP' and bump forward. Thump. Head bounce. Thump. Head bounce. Thump. Head bounce.

Think having a kid behind you kicking your seat and your are there.

I was almost in tears before we left the gate - and too chicken shit to ask him to stop it. Granted I was in to my flight adventures by about 24 hours and this might have had something to do with being bothered that someone seemingly was slugging my headrest about every three seconds ... FOR THE ENTIRE 3 HOUR FLIGHT.

Inconsiderate People:

A woman and her daughter sat down beside me. Totally fine with a hyperactive, screaming-at-the-top-of-her-lungs 2 year old - since she was by the window - me - on the aisle. Until the seat belt sign came off and the mom got this really, really cool idea that she would a) move to the window seat b) move her daughter to the middle c) flip up BOTH armrests - one being mine - a thin protection from shrieking girl and d) promptly fall asleep on the window - leaving her TWO YEAR OLD SHRIEKING DAUGHTER TO FEND FOR HERSELF. Fending for herself involved a complicated laying down position that included her feet CONSTANTLY KICKING MY LEGS, POKING ME, PUSHING ME. But you know me - didn't want to start reprimanding, touching someone elses child - so I just took it.

Thump. Head bounce. Kick. Thump. Head bounce. Kick. Thump. Head bounce. Kick, kick, kick, scream, scream, scream.

And the Totally Bizarre.

During this lovely three hours - I decided to escape to the restroom for a refreshing change of pace. Get in and 3 seconds in to this - the door almost bashes in and SOMEONE STARTS POUNDING ON THE DOOR.

WHO DOES THAT ON AN AIRPLANE? It says 'Occupied'! WHO DOES THAT ANYWHERE?

Totally freaked out my frazzled nerves. Got out and some lady barged her way past me.

I was convinced at this point I had slipped into some bizarre alternate reality ... and not a good one. I was exhausted, frustrated and getting enraged ...

We land, and of course set a record for getting off the plane since no one was by their bags and each person had to approach their bag, get it down, put the stuff in their hands in the bag and then continue on down the aisle. Amazing how long that takes.

So cruising the Bush Intercontinental Airport I was ... well, not in the best of moods. I wanted to kick puppies. Hell - I wanted to kill puppies - cute ones. Lots and lots of puppies ....

But got home to these:

Gary made Ryan go out and buy me flowers - a belated birthday present from my boys. It went a long way to fixing things.


But I really, really don't want to head back to the airport in less than two weeks for our family vacation in California and Oregon ...








Go Figure ....