I have to preface this with a little note that I thought that I 'kept my shit together' quite well last time Gary was gone. He was scheduled for 2 weeks but was gone 3. Maybe when I know he is going to be gone for 3 I just decide it is not worth the effort and my brain turns to mush earlier. (Note: that was not 'losing it' swearing - there is really no other way to say 'keeping your shit together' and having the actual mental imagery there - just like 'batshit' crazy - no substitute - yeah and now I am up to three 'shits' - oops four - so y'all aren't going to believe me that I am in perfect mental health - just getting .... weird. Not out on the ledge ... yet).
Last night was the night of: 'The Mother of All Dreams'. Lots of 'em. Family vacations where I am just a little shit to my sister and apparently her third husband since I didn't recognize him - and kept trying to get away from them - but then again they wanted me to swim with alligators into an underwater cave and I just was not really that into drowning while being eaten at that moment.
Fast forward about 5 dreams each one getting weirder and weirder ... and I am now dreaming in Norwegian. I have been home ... what? Almost 3 years and rarely speak it except to Charlie - since I think we should not let her forget her homeland and her native language (listen closely when she grumples - a lot like Mutly - some dog from my childhood cartoon days - except she has a DISTINCT sing songy lilt to it ... I swear ... sort of like the Swedish Chef. This isn't sounding weird at all now is it?).
In the middle of being in Oslo (properly pronounced for those that would like to know ... Courtney ... is 'oooohshlow') and desperate to remember the word for 'cookie'. Go figure - it was a dream. But a cookie is not a cookie in Norway - it is a 'biscuit' since Norwegians speak 'britisk' ('breeteesk') not capitalized: British English not 'engelsk' ('aenglesk') - yes they have a word for British and American .... English. In England a cookie is a biscuit - go figure.
My mind kept going to the word Czech - tsjekker (suprisingly prounounced 'sheker' - since 'tsj' is their 'sh'). In my dream I kept thinking I was getting way off track and jumping forward to 2007 and our trip to The Czech Republic and was frustrated that my brain was jumping all over the place. I knew I was dreaming and distinctly remember telling myself to stick with one country at a time - this was getting confusing.
And this woke me up.
I lay there wondering what in the world was my problem - and why was I so desperate to know the word for 'cookie' - I was not trying to get one - a Norwegian was being very threatening (without a gun - since there are few and even the police don't carry them) but somehow was holding something over my head if I didn't come up with the word.
It occurred to me that I don't even know the Norwegian word for The Czech Republic - laying there, I listed all those I remember: Norway: norge ('nooorhgay'), Sweden:sverige ('svaria'), Germany:tyskland ('tyyeesklan'), England:england ('anglan'), United States:usa ('ooooh essss ahhh'), Spain:spania ('spaahnia'), Denmark:danmark ('daahnmaarrrk' roll the 'r') ok, I will stop - but no Czech Republic - I don't think ... and fell promptly back asleep.
And I was back in mortal danger if I didn't come up with the word for biscuit. Man - exhausting. And all of a sudden, there it was: 'kjeks' ('sheks') and realized I hadn't teleported to the Czech Republic at all - was just getting close with tsjekker. Then felt ripped that I seemed to be in danger still - and needed to find the word for our wood burning stove - which I really don't think I ever even knew the word for it - so I concluded right before I woke up (very relieved) that I was apparently in a Norwegian Language class with some demonic, evil Norwegian tutor (ours was a sweetie) and when I woke up was just happy to be back in my bed in the good old 'ooooh essss ahhhh' ...
with Charlie sitting on the bed staring at me, her face right up close to mine ... and I wondered - maybe she was the evil tutor?
Weirder things have happened.
Last night was the night of: 'The Mother of All Dreams'. Lots of 'em. Family vacations where I am just a little shit to my sister and apparently her third husband since I didn't recognize him - and kept trying to get away from them - but then again they wanted me to swim with alligators into an underwater cave and I just was not really that into drowning while being eaten at that moment.
Fast forward about 5 dreams each one getting weirder and weirder ... and I am now dreaming in Norwegian. I have been home ... what? Almost 3 years and rarely speak it except to Charlie - since I think we should not let her forget her homeland and her native language (listen closely when she grumples - a lot like Mutly - some dog from my childhood cartoon days - except she has a DISTINCT sing songy lilt to it ... I swear ... sort of like the Swedish Chef. This isn't sounding weird at all now is it?).
In the middle of being in Oslo (properly pronounced for those that would like to know ... Courtney ... is 'oooohshlow') and desperate to remember the word for 'cookie'. Go figure - it was a dream. But a cookie is not a cookie in Norway - it is a 'biscuit' since Norwegians speak 'britisk' ('breeteesk') not capitalized: British English not 'engelsk' ('aenglesk') - yes they have a word for British and American .... English. In England a cookie is a biscuit - go figure.
My mind kept going to the word Czech - tsjekker (suprisingly prounounced 'sheker' - since 'tsj' is their 'sh'). In my dream I kept thinking I was getting way off track and jumping forward to 2007 and our trip to The Czech Republic and was frustrated that my brain was jumping all over the place. I knew I was dreaming and distinctly remember telling myself to stick with one country at a time - this was getting confusing.
And this woke me up.
I lay there wondering what in the world was my problem - and why was I so desperate to know the word for 'cookie' - I was not trying to get one - a Norwegian was being very threatening (without a gun - since there are few and even the police don't carry them) but somehow was holding something over my head if I didn't come up with the word.
It occurred to me that I don't even know the Norwegian word for The Czech Republic - laying there, I listed all those I remember: Norway: norge ('nooorhgay'), Sweden:sverige ('svaria'), Germany:tyskland ('tyyeesklan'), England:england ('anglan'), United States:usa ('ooooh essss ahhh'), Spain:spania ('spaahnia'), Denmark:danmark ('daahnmaarrrk' roll the 'r') ok, I will stop - but no Czech Republic - I don't think ... and fell promptly back asleep.
And I was back in mortal danger if I didn't come up with the word for biscuit. Man - exhausting. And all of a sudden, there it was: 'kjeks' ('sheks') and realized I hadn't teleported to the Czech Republic at all - was just getting close with tsjekker. Then felt ripped that I seemed to be in danger still - and needed to find the word for our wood burning stove - which I really don't think I ever even knew the word for it - so I concluded right before I woke up (very relieved) that I was apparently in a Norwegian Language class with some demonic, evil Norwegian tutor (ours was a sweetie) and when I woke up was just happy to be back in my bed in the good old 'ooooh essss ahhhh' ...
with Charlie sitting on the bed staring at me, her face right up close to mine ... and I wondered - maybe she was the evil tutor?
Weirder things have happened.
15 comments:
I really enjoyed that post, and the only thing that would have made it perfect is if someone went to prison and someone got runned over by a damned ole- train!
My dreams have been insane lately! Can't even keep straight al that is reality and all that is my dreams. Man! I need a biscuit!
It's a dream epidemic, I think. But yours takes that cake for continuity (because you woke up), weirdest subject matter, and basically funny! I mean, that's not what scary dreams are typically made of!
Jen - MAYBE not your dreams ... but the weirder I get - the weirder my dreams are - generally I am just too embarassed to blog them - cause I just know someone would be gently suggesting to Gary that I needed some nice rest in a Sanatorium somewhere (do those even still exist - or are they just called looney bins?).
Liz - never fear - now that you have suggested prison and someone getting run over by a train - I have about a 50% chance of dreaming about that tonight ... stay posted.
And, I am just curious - anyone out there - doesn't everyone wake up, fall back asleep and continue where they left off in thier dreams (like some demented movie and you just pressed pause) - that is how all my dreams go - probably because I try to analyze them / obsess about them while I am awake then fall asleep thinking about them. I thought that part of my night was at least normal ...
I hate my dreams too. Loved your ramble about it all. I could almost imagine that I was in your brain for a minute!
What a scary place to be! Especially right now!
I rarely remember my dreams, so I'm always intrigued by people who do. Although after reading about yours, maybe I'm better off not remembering!
Charlie cracks me up. She is a dog with personality!
I think you were really talking in your sleep, and Charlie, bright dog that she is, heard and understood the (several) word(s) for biscuit and hopped right up there, hoping for a treat!
Oh, and by the way (smug look on my face) "keeping your shit together" is keeping your act together!
From Cherri, who got cussed out in class in Rexburg Idaho for referring to a math problem as a "crappy" problem. Yeah, I know, call the bishop, I need to be released from YW!
My dreams rarely pick up at the last episode even though I wake up several times a night. In fact, I am extremely excited when they do. And then there are the dreams that I WISH would continue and try to force myself back to sleep. Like when John Cusack asked me out, but I woke up before the date. Oh, John! We would have been so good together!
Jen - Only my unpleasant ones continue ... but come to think of it - seriously? I don't remember when I actually had a pleasant dream - not my freakishly odd brains style.
Cherri - MAYBE on your planet they are the same thing - but on Planet Lori: 'Having your Act Together' is like ... baby Aspirin whereas 'Having your Shit Together' is like Vicodin - different phrases for what is actually going on in your life ... next time I need baby aspirin I will know what to say ...
Seriously ... "Crappy"? I don't think Idaho will even let me back into the state! I am pretty sure I am banned from Utah except for short visits!
You can definitely come to Idaho as long as you don't teach math at madison high! I laughed and told them that if that was the worst word I ever said, I should be translated, and really, call the bishop and get me released! (I've been in for 2 1/2 years and Ash has been out for 1 1/2 years! I'm ready to play in the nursery or toss around some cub scouts or teach Sunbeams!)
I have crazy dreams too but I don't think I could ever remember them well enough to write them down. This was awesome to read-- I love it.
I SO look forward to two things -
1) that I get so old and senile I don't remember my dreams (as I mentioned - none are particularly pleasant) and
2) I stop smelling so excruciatingly well - I am seriously a hound dog and it has a HUGE amount of drawbacks!
I am cracking up! And thanks for the continuing Norwegian instruction. I'm going to be using all of this on my trip one day.
The dreams that actually make me feel scared and upset are the ones where I am in school or my last job. I seriously get scared. Whereas the ones where I am shot up or killed in some other method are almost enjoyable. I watch them from a disconnected place, I think. And then there are the naked dreams. I just don't care when I have naked dreams. I go on doing whatever I'm doing. But I still like dreaming. It gives me something to think about during the day.
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