Thursday Afternoon ...

You might think that would be yesterday afternoon, but you would be wrong! THAT is how far behind I am ...


But before that - WE ARE HOME!!!

On the drive to the airport:

Gary: "We need to get T-Shirts that say: "I Survived Back to Back Family Reunions" - what do you think?"

Lori: "Well, TECHNICALLY, I think you would have to have ATTENDED most of the functions to be a contender in that competition, so I will have to recuse myself."

Gary: "Oh, well, yeah - there is that."

Lori: "But we could get you one! You kicked butt at surviving the reunion, a very sick wife and all of the other things that popped up!"

Gary: "Hmmmm, we should look into it."

Lori: "For just you ..."

Gary: "For just me ..."

So - as I go through they days - you might notice that I was getting sicker and sicker and having to participate less and less - especially in the evenings.

But - WE ARE HOME!

Arrived Wednesday night, I went to bed and decided to stay there for all of Thursday to see if I would start feeling human again. I also have a newsletter that takes a huge amount of time (and brain function, and creativity - which don't seem to be around right now ...). It is due Sunday and knew I needed to be out of bed on Friday and Saturday if I had any hopes at all of making something halfway decent.

So - what am I doing?


Yes.



Blogging.



I can't come up with a single idea for the header, so I am letting my subconscious work it out while I play with photos ...




IT COULD HAPPEN!




I am also busily charging all my poor little overworked camera batteries:

Which might just make it look like I had my act together. Maybe? Yes?

Also there is this sitting in the entry:

Gary's luggage!

Oh, my goodness! Gary has not unpacked? I have at least rummaged around in my electronics bag to pull out my cameras (let's not get into the other two bags and a backpack that have not been touched ... m'kay?).

Well, it might look that way, but poor, poor guy - he has UNPACKED and PACKED AGAIN and is headed to Istanbul, Turkey even as I type.

I could not do it. I feel very sorry for him. I need a nap just writing about his dilemma - which I am sure I will take as soon as I finish this post - newsletter be damned...

*******************

So ...

Thursday Afternoon - where we left off a few posts ago - you remember, the fields of flowers, the mystery cafe I can't remember ... that Thursday.

We get back in the car and I am doing my usual while Gary is driving - taking random shots of ... whatever out the window:

When all of a sudden, my last photo (actually the one right above here) didn't seem so pretty anymore and I started snapping photos of the majestic Tetons (this is the first photo after the one above):

And kept snapping:
And kept snapping:

FINALLY, Gary decided that we would stop at a pull out and take some photos that weren't up to chance from a moving vehicle.

It was a lovely lookout:

My attempt to shoot the Tetons through the trees, but all I could find was a hole big enough for the highest peak (I am sure it has a name, but I do not know it):

Then we took a detour my dad had suggested we take. We debated just doing it another day, but after going through all we did, we would have NEVER come back - so happy we took the 'Mesa Falls Scenic Byway'.

We hit the 'Lower Falls' first and there were wildflowers EVERYWHERE (as there had been on our drive for quite some time, but it is a wee bit harder to capture wildflowers by the side of the road at 70MPH than it is to capture a mountain in the distance). So I had a lot of photo taking to do, and Gary had to wait on me. I don't recall if we get dandelions in Texas? If we do, it never struck me as beautiful - but this guy did:

TONS of yellow flowers everywhere:

And my favorite little cuties, but when I posted these on facebook, a lady said it was the hated ragweed that so many people are allergic to its pollen. Don't know if it is really the vile ragweed that everyone hates, but THEY ARE SO CUTE:

The Mesa Lower Falls:

Even the grass with the sun hitting it looked lovely that day!

AND the leaves:

Back in the car and headed to the upper falls.

Got there and, sure enough, there were flowers everywhere. And, sure enough, Gary had to wait on me again.

The yellow beauties that were everywhere:

Not much Indian Paintbrush - this one was all by its lonesome ... and come to think about it, I can't remember seeing any more:

This trip, I became enamoured with the ordinary pine tree and its cones:

Pretty lone, pink flower:
And the Mesa Upper Falls:

I was turned right to take a photo of the falls, this is just me rotating to the left:

More (but different) yellow flowers:

BEAUTIFUL walk back up to the lodge that was located at the Upper Falls sight ... not that huffing back up was making me very happy:

The lodge - turned into a visitors center if I remember right:

And lookie, lookie what I found! THE MOST PERFECT FLOWER EVER:

A close contender for the perfect flower title:
Funky white 'exploding' flower:
And, finally - a beautiful field of the yellow flowers:

The byway didn't take all that long and would have been rather short had I not felt the need to photograph every wildflower in the area!

Got to our cabin and checked in. It was lovely ... and, well ... not. A weird place. I will post photos and 'The Creepiest Moment In My Life Since I Can Remember' - something to look forward to!

*************************

Oh! And I am making an exception (for Kristie) to my linear posts of the trip and jumping right to what Gary and I now call 'The Camera Killers' - what I was jumping out of the car to photograph in Yellowstone when I dropped my camera:

Sure, they are cute and all, but .... DANG!

Mourning the Loss ...

Mourning the loss ....



of what?



My youth?


My health?


My time on vacation with my husband?


My having more photos than I know what to do with?


My ... family?



Well, if you guessed any of these, you would be right, but not completely right.

Today, as we rounded a bend and saw what had become a fairly rare, but predictable sight: a bunch of cars and a bunch more people standing out of their cars all with cameras pointed at the exact same spot.

It does not take a genius, even the first time you encounter such a well mannered mob, to know that there was something they were taking a photo of! So as we rounded the bend and saw the group and no where to park, Gary said he would drop me off in the middle of the road, find a turn around spot and come back. I was hurrying and hadn't made sure that I was 'put together' right, grabbed my big camera, with my little camera in my pants pocket and dashed out the door ...

... to hear a sad, sad sounding 'THUNK'. I looked down, saw my little camera was not quite in my pocket as I had thought it was and had jumped to freedom. And if he was going for suicide, he botched the job something good! Still works, but every now and again it looses it's focus and jumps to a 'panicky page with the information of doom' on it (but, I mean, WHO DOESN'T? Every now and then?), I now have a little 3-step routine to actually get it to start moving when I want to zoom in or zoom out, but the kicker - the one that will make me pull the plug on my best-buddy-that-is-not-all-that-injured is that some pieces of crap were dislodged and seem to be congregating in the lower left hand corner of my lens. Looks GREAT in all my photos.

With the cleaning of a camera (this is inside the lens and not something I can get at - it needs to be sent back to the manufacturer) being expensive and the price of the camera being relatively cheap, it makes more sense to go with a new one since this one is now, apparently lazy and depressed along with learning the giant-smudge-on-every-photo trick.

I took the time to Google "Canon Powershot" and see what is out there now - assuming that my camera would have by now been usurped by the latest and greatest. Then things started going downhill ... fast. I went to the Canon site and they did, indeed, have a new Powershot with a larger number than mine - mine being an SX210 and it being an SX230 - thus I am assuming newer. But mine had 14.1 megapixels and this one has 11.something. Dudes! YOU NEVER GO DOWN ON THE SIZE OF MEMORY WHEN MAKING A LATEST-AND-GREATEST-...ANYTHING!

Was not impressed. AND I did not see my camera, thus assuming that they no longer make it. This set me all a flutter and with chills running up and down my spine, I quickly got on to Amazon and searched for it. This model comes in 3 colors. Black, Purple (like the color of a car that is flashy) and ...


wait for it ...



wait for it ....



GOLD!


Yes, you can bling up your camera - maybe I could even bedazzle it!

So - black it is and it is $130.00 more. Which made me THINK ABOUT owning a shiny GOLD camera, a very low spot in the day, indeed. I mean, WHO would take a person seriously as a photographer out there doing their business with a GOLD camera? We then realized that everything we were looking at was refurbished. Nah! If I wanted refurbished, I would refurbish my little buddy ... it feels as if I am loosing a family member. I told Gary that the new one would only feel like a step child.

When we looked again, at new, the price difference wasn't that pronounced, so with a sigh of relief, I ordered it in black and it will be here on Friday.

Why? You ask?

Why go for the same exact camera? If it was my DSLR, I would argue that I know where every button and dial are and can operate it in the dark and didn't want a new ginormous learning curve. But since this is a point-and-shoot which they 'dumb down' enormously to having, at most, four or five buttons or dials - with the rest still there, just as a menu option that you will NEVER learn, thus never use the more complicated and powerful features of a point-and-shoot. Hmmmm - I have gone off course somehow ...


Oh, yeah - the WHY!

Especially since I was so ANGRY with it when I got it since they TOOK AWAY MY SUNSET option and added stupid stuff like 'Fisheye' and 'Miniature' - idiots ... But! It kept a function that I have learned to LOVE since I now, I don't always have it set on Sunset. It is now (most) always set on 'Foliage' which you are supposed to use around ... well ... foliage! It is supposed to bring out the greens and make them more vivid, but I have noticed that it brings out the blues also.

For example:


Here is a shot of a deer in a lovely meadow of flowers as shot - NO TOUCH UPS AT ALL with my Canon DSLR giant, very, very expensive camera:

And here is the shot of the same deer and same meadow (yes, yes, I do actually take photos of the same spot with two different cameras since they turn out so different). Again NO TOUCH UPS - JUST STRAIGHT OUT OF THE CAMERA:

Now, THAT, is why I don't go out and shop for another camera. I LIKE this! I LOVE this! I is such a nice feature that Canon got 'right'. So, someday, I will probably drop my new one and have to go find another and might jump ship - but for now, I just can't wean myself off the Canon Powershot's!


And just because I looked down while walking into a grocery store today and fell in LOVE with these little guys and their shadows ... I am sharing it tonight also:

Well, off to the airport WAAAAAY early tomorrow morning.

Us: In Idaho - near Yellowstone, which is in Wyoming ... the top of Wyoming.

Our Airline Tickets: Leaving out of Salt Lake City, Utah - below (OK, and to the side) of Wyoming - therefore we need to drive Wyoming from top to bottom, but we just so happen to be doing it in Idaho and Utah.


Some day, when I want to live again ... I will get my photos put together and post some gigantic posts. Or just dribble it out a day at a time - EITHER WAY the 'when I want to live again' is the important part of that sentence.


Night all ...

No, I am NOT Dead ...

Contrary to the facts that I ate a bug, then Gary cursed me by singing the: "Their was an old lady who swallowed a fly - I guess she'll die ..." song a million times, then you NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN ... I am, indeed still among the living ...

It's, um, complicated, so I will go into details in another post.

LOTS, and LOTS of photos have been taken. I sorted some out that I really wanted to share in my "Thursday Post" but, among other things, I was apparently delusional since there were 45 freaking photos! And I was going to get the time to upload them, when?

So I broke this post down and it SHOULD be titled:

"Thursday Until Noon"

A half day of photos, and a very SLOW half day for photo taking ... and it becomes something I felt that I could handle.

Got up, left the hotel at a reasonable time and headed straight for a Wal-Mart for a GPS device. While there, we bought a cooler, drinks and all sorts of munchies which we are still snacking on!

Hit Brigham City and I was doing what I do while being a passenger in a car and bored - I roll down the window and snap photos, of course! Some turn out, some don't, but hey - it gives me something to do! While reviewing my photos that evening which is a bizarre ritual I have - I download all my photos for the day to a folder marked that day, delete the photos off of the camera(s) cards so they are fresh and clean to start a new day in the morning, go through all my photos - deleting the blurry, bad and just plain ugly ones and turn the photos that need to be rotated. The last step before I can go to sleep is to back the folder up to my external hard drive.

So ... anyway as I was reviewing my photos (very late that night) I came across this one and noticed the big, bright, white building on the right'ish side of the photo and was confused - Brigham City being a city we once lived in.

Lori: "Gary, does Brigham City have a temple now?"

Gary: "No, I don't think so ..."

Lori: "Well, then, they have upgraded the tabernacle in a VERY BIG way ... come look at this photo."

Gary: "Oh, I think Brigham City has a temple now!"

Slipped on by us without us even noticing. I had no idea - or I am wrong ... but I am not - I blew the photo up very large - there is nothing as distinctive as an LDS Temple ...

Stopped at the PRETTIEST rest stop in Idaho that you will ever see!

Flowers abound:

And walking back to the car I turned my head and spotted this quaint little scene (don't know where the bridges take you ...):

I have to admit, this next series of photos COULD be from after we had lunch, thus violating the fake post title, but I liked them and have PLENTY for a "Thursday After Noon" post so I threw them in.

We were toodling along, turned the corner after admiring field, and field, of the prettiest green you ever did see, when suddenly it wasn't all green anymore! Got out of the car and took a ton of photos. Don't know what the yellow is in the background - never walked out to see.

Here is my attempt at 'artsy' (sad, isn't it?):

And here is a series with my camera taking in the whole scene:
Twist the lens and move the shot in closer:
And a little closer:

And, finally, the pretty little guys that make up the first stripe in this beautiful scene! It just so happens to be photo number IMG_9998, which means that I took one more photo (probably of the EXACT same thing) which was photo number IMG_9999 and then one after that (probably STILL of little blue flowers) which was photo number IMG_0001 which means ... my blinking photos are out of order - not chronological for the day and it is AMAZING how much that annoys me!

As we were leaving we spied a little shack hiding down the hill a bit:

We stopped in the CUTEST little town called St. Anthony for lunch. We had gone there previously with Gary's sister and our brother in law (of the javelin throwing fame) who live in Rexburg and decided to go with a sure thing, so got the name from Cherri and off we headed.

This is the cutest little drug store, sitting on main street ... ADORABLE:

And here is the interior of this quaint little cafe. Scary thing? I don't remember going there before. Everyone INSISTS I went with, and I thought when I got there it would jog my memory, but ... nope! I have somehow wiped the memory completely off the hard drive in my head ... and the food it good! WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER BEING HERE BEFORE?

Right next to the cafe is a lot that has the beautiful and the ugly all jutted up against one another. This shack has seen better days, and while I LOVE to photograph old buildings, I am sure it is an eyesore being right next to Chiz's Cafe:

And on that lot, just to the right of the shack is the most beautiful, most green, most perfect leafed bush growing ... very large. I loved the color, how it just reached the bottom of the concrete ... what? ... mini retaining wall? And how it paints the sidewalk with its shadow:

So there you have it! Our day Thursday up until we ate, which if we are getting nit-picky, wasn't right at noon - it was one-something.

I have SO MANY PHOTOS! It will literally take days to go through them all, process them and get them on my blog - but by golly, I am GOING TO MAKE YOU LOOK AT THEM!




Later ...

I Swallowed a Bug ...

Sort of a rocky start here in Utah.

Got on the plane SO PROUD OF MYSELF for remembering that-thing-that-I-knew-I-was-forgetting-but-couldn't-remember-what-it-was before I left the house!

MY MEDICINE!!!


Dudes! You DO NOT want to see me without my morphine-ER (extended release), my morphine-IR (immediate release) and my muscle relaxants.

IT IS NOT A PRETTY SIGHT ...

Why, why, why do I forget the WEIRDEST things when I go on trips ... like my underwear on this very trip last year (Peterson Family Reunion in Oregon)?


Simple.



I blame Gary.



No, not just for fun, but he has cursed my packing skills. Seriously! Every time we go somewhere and I am worried that I forgot something, Gary says, AND I QUOTE:

"You're OK, you can always buy what ever you forgot when we get there."


That's when some evil troll that lives in my subconscious goes to work. Maniacally rubbing his hands together (yeah, it's a guy - I DON'T KNOW WHY ... his name is Harry) and chuckling to himself and goes about proving to Gary that this is NOT TRUE!


If there is something that I need on a trip THAT I CANNOT BUY WHEN WE GET THERE - it is a guarantee - THAT'S the thing I left home.


I really ought to make up generic packing list on my computer and put on it all the things that I can't 'just buy when we get there' and use that as a starting list every time I travel.


But - NO WORRIES!!! My meds are safely ensconced in my backpack even as I type, so I am good. Dodged that one!

Things were going smoothly - got on the plane and started playing with some photo editing / altering apps that I had, plus a few (OK a dozen) that I downloaded last night at two in the morning knowing that I would want to play with my iPad on the flight. I had previously downloaded all 1500'ish photos from Adobe Lightroom that I had marked 'favorite' so that my iPad now has every favorite photo that I own. That and a grundle of apps was just heaven for three hours!

All of a sudden we hit the ground ... a bit hard ... and when you don't know that you are actually that close to landing because you are in an aisle seat, it is rather jolting! Got out and I waited for the bags while Gary went to get the rental car.

And as I waited, and waited and waited ... I started wondering ... did we bring the GPS system? It was in Gary's truck and he didn't get it out after we parked in long term parking. Hmmmm - I was hoping that he had packed it the night before when he had packed his bags, but it was not looking good.

And who wants to think, plan and have to read maps when that lovely British lady will just tell you what to do?

Gary finally got through his line (weird - we are talking after 11:00 pm - but still so busy) and rented the car and things were not looking good on my end, when all of a sudden, there was an announcement that there was a baggage carousel change for the passengers arriving from Houston. Instead of being on carousel 3 as was posted, they said it had been changed to carousel 1.

I headed over there and, well - lets just say it was not a CHANGE per se, it was a mistake! There were bags EVERYWHERE! Piled on the sides, three deep on the carousel itself and that is where they sat, with the carousel stopped because the suitcases coming off had no where to go (because we were all looking for them somewhere else ...) so it jammed. So someone put them on the wrong carousel and it took them quite some time to figure it out and let us know ... change indeed!

I finally located both our bags in a pile of piled up bags, unburied them, and headed outside to link up with Gary.

It was going to be easier for me to go to him with the rental car, than for him to circle the airport to get me, so I headed off ... in the wrong direction. I figured it out after a bit, turned around and told Gary I was coming, but that it would take a bit longer. (He could not come get me without leaving the airport first since they were one way roads) He said he thought he could cross the road and be right at the very end of 'Passenger Pickup' without circling, so there he was.

I was huffing and puffing my way down to him when, suddenly he was right by me grabbing one of my bags! We headed off. I was breathing heavily through my mouth when suddenly, a huge bug got sucked in and smashed against the back of my throat! Seriously NOT A GOOD FEELING. Not at all.

I was freaking out, gagging, coughing and spitting on the sidewalk trying to dislodge it as Gary looked on thinking I was possessed. I even tried to dig it out with my finger, but no go - and so I swallowed it!


Ugh!



We continue to trudge along ... come to think of it, I believe Gary was a bit ahead of me. I think it had something to do with trying to not be associated with the lady spitting on the sidewalk somehow ...

When he noticed that security was at his rental car! Ooops! He sped up and met them there a little after some stern announcement about the owners of the xxx yyy zzz car (I am so beat, I don't know what make of car, what model of car or even what color of car we rented) please come move your car or it will be towed. Lovely. We were now in trouble with airport security.

Security was gone by the time I made it to the car, and we headed off with Gary HATING, LOATHING and downright DESPISING the car. He didn't fit, our seat belts, for some reason are twisted. Do you know how freaking annoying it is to have your seat belt twisted? OK, do you know how freaking annoying it is to have your seat belt twisted at 11:30 at night after a trip to the airport, a flight, a wait for bags and a security close call? Seriously was bugging us.

Got the car fitting Gary a little better as we drove the 20 minutes to our hotel, checked in, with Gary purchasing unlimited Internet access for an additional $3.00, so the first thing I did was set up my little station:

Gary was on his iPhone looking for GPS devices (mine is old, and I loathe it since it does not have a QWERTY keyboard so I cannot ever find the blinking letter I want - thus the PERFECT opportunity for a new one). His screen was too small to see properly while shopping, so I shared:

Now here it is ... 2:30am Houston time ... THANK HEAVENS! That only makes it 1:30am in my time zone! Not too bad for me and my bed time ...

Tomorrow we are getting up bright and early? Not sure, but I better wrap up my rambling and get to bed ... We head straight up I15 for some time. With the traditional stop at Smith & Edwards and a not-so-traditional stop at either Best Buy or Wal-Mart for the GPS device Gary wants to get. So, NEXT time I blog I will be at our cabin in Island Park, I lied in my last post ...


So ... other than:


- SWALLOWING A BUG


- Having to listen to my husband sing the song:

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly
I don't know why she swallowed a fly -
I think she'll die!

(with a few verses he made up on his own ...)

Over, and over, and OVER!

and

- forgetting our GPS device

Things aren't so bad!


And contrary to Gary's song,


I'm pretty sure I am going to live through the night ...

When Did It Get So Complicated?

Gary and I are headed to Island Park today for family reunions on both sides of our families. First my family is all getting together, we pick somewhere each year and everyone tries to make it. As my sister is moving to Hawaii in a few weeks, she might not make it - but ... no worries: 1) I have four sisters - what's one? And 2) this sort of helps us decide where to go next year!

Gary was wise enough to give his siblings the dates that we were going to be up in their neck of the woods and mentioned that we would be there - feel free to stop by -which they are going to do!

Island Park, in my 'Big City Lingo' is a 'suburb' of Yellowstone so we will mostly be playing there, well, mostly we will be taking pictures everywhere we can find that is pretty - which is pretty much everywhere up there.

Yes.


Me.


Family Reunions.


TWO OF THEM.


I haven't wigged out yet, but I am assuming that is just waiting until I have an audience. But does explain why, when we are flying out today and Gary is all packed that I have just barely made it through what cameras, electronics and their attachments I am taking. I now need a nap.

If I had the time, I would, but I probably have to take clothes and shampoo and crap like that so I really should get my act together, or at least CONVINCE MY BRAIN THAT I AM GOING ON A TRIP. I am in denial. Probably Family Reunion Denial.

Why? Well, for one I have to try to be on my best behavior which is easier around some than others, but mostly because I am coming off of / still in a sick phase and I am LIVID that I feel so crappy. So it will be the same old, same old: 'Oh, Lori doesn't feel good, she will be laying down while we go ... where ever'. I'm tired of it, the families have GOT to be convinced that I am the biggest hypochondriac in the universe, and most of all I am mad that I feel so crappy - because being mad about it HELP SO MUCH ...

So - my electronics - since my brain feels like it is made out of papier-mâché paste, I had to lay everything out and make sure I had cases, charger, syncing cords, etc. And, oh my, when did I get to the point where I absolutely could not travel with less than this:

I know, it is a small photo to try to fit everything in, but there are about 5 cameras, cases and chargers. A kindle and its case, charger. An iPad, it's case and charger plus a car charger ... you know, just in case. An iTouch, it's case and luckily it shares a charger with the iPad. My phone and it's charger. My laptop, mouse, cords, external hard drive, universal card reader and headphones thrown in just in case I need them.

I am exhausted! I know I need to get clothes and toiletries and whatnot (call me and tell me what big thing I am missing, please - there is something ... like underwear - but that is in the category of clothes and will probably remember to take them. I just have a feeling that there is to pack: electronics, clothes, toiletries and WHAT?!? I feel there is something big - please let me know, oh, say in the next three hours if you know what it is ... thanks).

Packing be damned, I am off to bed for a minute and see if I can get my brain screwed on straight. And maybe make a list of stuff to pack to justify it.

Unless there is some big burning post that is burning a hole in my brain (LIKE I AM GOING TO HAVE THE TIME TO BLOG ...) you will hear from me next from Idaho. We have wireless in the room, but the lady at reception says its not so great - so don't know what I will be able to do ...

Later ...

FAIL!!!

Haircut Fail:

Thank heavens ... it's just the dog.

We waited too long and her hair got matted so they had to shave her. I think she is a wee bit embarassed about it.

But that didn't stop me from making her pose and take photos:

Thing is, I promised her a treat if she would be good ... AS IF she really understood any of that sentence except for 'TREAT'. She got a bit antsy and then a bit barkie:

Which to leads us to our second part of tonights 'Fail' theme:

Photography Fail!

I decided that since she was being a pill, I would get a few photos of her jumping her head off - and so I would yell "Jump!" and she would, but would run towards me first trying to sort of jump and smack into me at the same time.

I tried, and tried and tried, but .... nope:

When Gary came home, I decided I wanted one of her jumping so I asked her as they were going out to play 'Frisbee' and they were not going to be patient with me. We told her to jump and ...

Total failure shooting the dog today ...

Round and Round and Round We Go ...

Jessie's Chauffeur Service, one of the perks with Jessie living where she does, is great. For anyone that is not familiar with this - Jessie would pitch the most horrendous fits when it was time to take her back to 'her place' and we couldn't get her in the car. With them coming and picking her up - not a complaint to be heard! When it works, it works great!


'When it works' being the operative word(s) here.


Today, well ... not working so well.


They were going to come and pick her up at 4:30 and a bit before that I got a call from the aid currently on staff at Jessie' house. She said that her car had a flat tire. I told her 'no problem' and that I would take her home.

I didn't know how ugly it was going to get, especially since she had been asking me when the aid was coming, so I TOTALLY LIED to my daughter and said:

"Jessie, come on, your aid got a flat tire and we need to go find her!"

Jessie was excited for the adventure and after the normal 10 minutes of what-in-the-world-takes-you-so-freaking-long-to-just-walk-out-the-door - we were off! No screaming, no tears, just a happy camper (finally) getting in the car.

OK, I lied - but HOW CLEVER WAS I? Keeping up on the farce, I told Jessie to keep a look out for her. She diligently checked the cars out as we headed for her place. It takes about 15 - 20 minutes to get to her house.

Feeling a tad guilty, but not so much, as we neared her place I told her that she probably got herself home by now so we would just go to 'Jessie's House'. She could stop looking for her. She was cool with that.

See how that worked out? I lied, but I got her in the car painlessly and that is saying A LOT.

Pulled into her driveway and NOW Jessie starts to pitch a fit with some fake crying and these ... not 'blood curdling' screams ... I don't know how to describe them.

Hmmmm ....


Let me try:

If you took the annoying sound of fingernails scratching a chalkboard and put a couple of zeros at the end of the decibel number of that sound, threw in the pain if hitting your thumb with a hammer, added the very strong stench of sulfur, plus tossed some sand in your eyes, added Gilbert Gottfried saying pretty much ANYTHING AT ALL ... really loud, tossed some alcohol on an open wound ... and just for giggles - added just a touch of heavy metal music ...


... IT WOULDN'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO HOW FREAKING ANNOYING HER FAKE SCREAMING IS.

This is no lie, but since she only does it for Gary and I y'all will think I'm exaggerating.

I. AM. NOT.

I slam the door shut and it softens the sound of her screaming since she is refusing to get out of the car and walk up to the door and ring the bell to get the aid to help me drag her from my car.

And I wait.

Knock on the door.

And I wait.

Knocked harder on the door.

My phone rings.

It is Gary. He tells me that the aid had called back and was stuck and needed a ride back to their house and had assumed that I would pick her up. Which was FINE with me.

HAD SHE ASKED ME THAT ON THE PHONE AND TOLD ME WHERE SHE WAS ...

Gary proceeds to tell me that she is at the grocery store ... not more than 3 minutes from our house.

OK.

YES.

I KNOW.


I am being punished for lying.


Got back in the car and told Jessie that we were going to go pick up her aid.

Then DROVE ALL THE WAY BACK TO (almost) MY HOUSE. And told Jessie to start looking ... for real this time.

Picked her up, along with Jessie's room mate then turned around and headed back to Jessie's house.

I am tired, I want to lay down and read a book, and I sigh as I picture doing JUST THAT as we get a few minutes away from their house. I mean I audibly sighed ....

Then:

Aid: "Um, Ma'am?"

Lori: "Yes?"

Aid: "I left the keys to the house in my car."

Lori: "Excuse me?"

Aid: "I just realized the keys are not in my pocket, they are in the divider between the front seats of my car."

Lori: "Um, OKaaaaaaay"

And, dejectedly, I TURN AROUND the car and head back.

Twenty minutes later we are back to her car. She gets her keys and we are off!


AGAIN!


Twenty minutes later, we are back to 'Jessie's House', with me, somehow during that 20 minute driving session getting roped into having Jessie AND her roommate over in two weeks (we will be in Idaho next Sunday), promised to call her roommate's mother after she INSISTED I write down her home number ... don't really know the point to that one, and somehow put off answering the question of when our family and her family were going to have a get together AT MY HOUSE? She was rather persistent.

Turned around and headed for my home ... and a mere twenty minutes later - I WAS HOME!

OK, kids, what is the lesson I learned today?

Not to lie to Jessie? (I really don't lie to her all that often)

HECK, NO! When it is time to get Jessie in the car - I switch into some sort of survival mode and will do anything - legal or not - to get her in the car without bloodshed.

No - what did I learn?

I need make a note to call Jessie's weekend aid and tell her that contrary to popular belief,

no,

I am not omniscient ....



Toodles .... my bed and my book are calling ...