Note To Self:

Before bringing your daughter to visit you at the Hospital ... have your sanity checked.

It was that time of the week again: Sunday - so bringing Jessie home for a visit.

This becomes problematic when you are STILL in the hospital ...

What?

Um ... yeah I am in the hospital - been here since Monday one week ago today.  

Sorry about that - I have been a very bad blogger as of late and have not been posting.  And this latest stint in the hospital - just too complicated  and mentally exhausting to explain (when they start talking about swollen brain thingies, no progress on dissolving that clot in my brain, mini strokes and the likes - I just zone out and wish I were in Tahiti) ...

So ... Gary and Jessie arrive and Jessie could not have been more angelic if she sprouted wings and flew gently out of the room.  Well - she 'could not have been more angelic' until she wasn't.  They had finished their visit and were waiting for the elevator when Jessie decided to ask Gary: were they going back?  When he said "Yes." She decided to pull a 'Full Bore Jessie Tantrum'.

You know the one: 

Jessie - knowing she is in public starts in with the screaming, then the weird sounding keening 'cause not everyone was staring with just the inappropriate screaming - gotta make sure you have everyones complete attention.  If you touch her during this 'production' or do something she doesn't like, or breathe on her she immediately falls to the ground ... 

Sort of like the bratty three year old in line at the bank with Mom and throwing a fit. Mom needing to move tries to get Monster Child to move - wherein Monster Child counters with "Limp Noodle Child" to make it as difficult as possible on Mom to move forward.

The difference here?  Monster Child can be picked up and / or dragged to where Mom wants to park the little Tyrant weighing only somewhere  in the double digits.  Add over 100 lbs and a wicked, always-very-well-placed-kick or two (or ten) and you almost have the 'Full Bore Jessie Tantrum Experience'.

Do I sound ... 

Jaded?  

Cynical?  

Bitter?  

If so, it is mainly because I know that she can turn these 'fits' on and off as easily as you can turn on and off a water faucet.  That is the most frustrating part.  That and the fact that she knows she comes out the victor in these battles EVERY DAMN TIME.

We have tried the "She's not going to win this time" approach.  When she lived at home and I tried this approach alone ... 

and I mean, really - what good parent is not going to?  

If your child wins these battles ... well, you've lost the war and they will run  roughshod over you the rest of their lives.  

I've read the parenting books - 

DO NOT LET THEM WIN!  

At all cost!  These 'alone' attempts generally left me rather bloody (generally my nose but once, rather impressively my eye) and locked in my bedroom .... 

the girl packs a mean and well placed kick ...

Locked in my room because I was afraid of her?  HELL, NO!  OK, maybe a little ... Because of being afraid of what I might do to her being as ... displeased ... with her as I was.

The time we made it a 'Family Affair' left me so emotionally scarred I still do not talk about THAT wonderful experience.

Sadly, this has backfired on her somewhat.  I do not take her anywhere we would need to get out of the car when I am going to be alone with her for the simple reason that should things go south - I do not have the strength nor the negotiating skills to get her back in the car.

There were a few places that Gary still took her.  He also does not have the strength for the brute force method, but still possesses the negotiating skills.  Even so - when Gary and Ryan took her to a movie on her birthday this month - she made the entire thing so infuriating, exasperating and miserable, that became one more place she has lost going with him due to her behavior.

Thus you would THINK we would be smarter than we were and not take her to a Hospital ... but she was going to see Mom!  

And not stay long.  

And we are stupid ...

We decided to try me going downstairs with them, Gary getting the truck, and hope she finished her production and left without bloodshed.  My nurse said he couldn't let me wander off, went and got a wheelchair and declared he was coming with.

Jessie seemed down with this plan and while my nurse and I were alone getting me situated I said:  "The less she knows the better - please don't mention getting in the truck, going home, or anything else she can scream "No" to - we sort of have a technique and things like that just give her ammo."  He said "Of course" and we were rolling.

Other than that ten terrifying seconds when the elevator doors were closing with: Jessie still in the elevator, Gary sprinting ahead to go get the truck, me in a wheelchair, and my nurse just standing there watching the doors shut on my daughter things went great getting to the first floor.  

Just to note: at the eleventh second I screamed "NO!", Jessie took a step forward and stuck her arm out having the doors close on her arm and re-open, my nurse still just standing there ...

We walked outside and either Gary got the truck and was back, or this was before he left to get it, but Jessie, after my nurse told her everything was going to be fine - her Daddy was going to go get the truck and she could go home, wouldn't that be fun? Jessie screamed "NO" walked over to a corner consisting of an entrance door on one side and a wall catty corner to that and plopped down on her butt.

Note: at this point I DID NOT slug my nurse in the stomach.

After Gary got back with the truck, and after my nurse had repeated everything I had asked him not to at least three times each, Gary suggested that I go back up to my room and he would 'make-do' without our help.

So we did.

I was talking to the security lady who had intercepted us downstairs - she had come up to see if I was OK.  I had said 'yes' and was stating that Jess is truly all lightness and joy ... until she isn't when Gary, Jessie and two hospital Security Guards showed up at my door.

Jessie had said she would go with Gary if she could say good-bye to me ... or something like that.  Gary's theory is that they wanted proof that what Gary was saying was true (came to see Mom, Jess being nasty, blah, blah, blah) and not a kidnapping in progress.

I remember picking up my cell phone saying something about what parent doesn't want to immortalize such a special "Kodak Moment" and snapped a shot:

Ignore Jessie's hair (PLEASE!).  Jessie's Group Home Coordinator has ensured us that the hairdresser has been fired, yelled at and is in trouble for what you see above.  I personally think he needs to be hanged, drawn and quartered, but that is just my opinion ...

So that was last nights excitement ...

Never EVER to be repeated ...