"The Prettiest Blanket Chest in Houston" ...

I have been bad lately and not getting any sleep so I am going to make y'all ecstatic and let you know that this post is going to be painfully short.


I know, I know - you don't believe me - you have been lead into my 'I will keep it quick' trap and thirty minutes later realize that you just lost thirty minutes of your life wasting your time in the most horrific way possible: reading my blog ...


You're welcome ...


But Gary has threatened - he is leaving to go out of town - I have spent the day enjoying the COOLEST hallucinations you ever did see! Apparently Gary is not as excited about my cool backwards waterfalls, moving moles (those on your skin - not the ugly brown ... animal thingies), floor boards (what are those dudes called that line the bottom of all the walls?)

Well, let me tell you - they are adorable when they move along like some kind of white, stealth train ...

So I have promised Gary that I will be good and take less than 15 minutes to finish this post. Note: since it is the post about a beautiful object that Gary built - it deserves better - I want to put that in writing here and now.


Last week Gary referred to it in a text to me as "The Prettiest Blanket Chest in Houston" and the man is right!


He has a love / hate relationship with it as it was very difficult to build. Not only is every angle at a 3 degree ... whatever - making everything exponentially more difficult to line up, cut, ensure it will be at a zero degree horizontal when needed.

Gary has decided that the guy who submitted the plans to the 'Fine Woodworking' magazine has some sort of masochistic problem. He says that at every step - if there was a choice in how to do something - this person ALWAYS chose the most difficult option - EVERY TIME. This led to many

'Mini Gary Rants'

on the subjects:

'What was this man thinking?'

or

'Is there an illness - maybe a psychological type that a person is compelled to abuse himself by choosing the most difficult way to perform a task? Is there a name? Is there a cure?'

or

'If I could find this guy - I would hunt him down and kill him with my bare hands ...'

or

'Something is seriously wrong with this person - but he sure does design pretty furniture ...' (I agreed to this one instead of a) ignoring him completely or b) nodding politely and making sure he was not heading for his gun cases ...

or

'THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING I HAVE EVER MADE!!!'

or

'Why would someone choose to design something with extra steps that don't need to be done, make easy steps harder ... I think it is a conspiracy to abuse woodworkers'


I will stop there (I think his movie is over and I told him that I would DEFINITELY be done before his movie ended - so I will end with a big flourish -



A BIG - QUIET - FLOURISH!


I Present you with photos of:

"The Prettiest Blanket Chest in Houston That Has Absolutely Not A Single 90 Degree Angle, Was Dang Hard to Make And Was Designed By A Talented Man Who Enjoyed Kicking Puppies, Drowning Kittens, Spitting On Small Children, Stealing His Neighbors Mail, Harassing The Local Police Chief, Peeing On His Arch Enemy At Work Where He Delivers Mail During The Day, Psychologically Tortures Woodworkers As Often As He Can And Most Likely Is Driving His Wife Insane ... And Enjoying It"


I realize that this title is a little longer than Gary's title, but I believe my title is a bit more descriptive and gives you a sense of the Designer along with a look at his artistic style ...


Why, Yes - I Wiki'ed him - it is all in there - WORD FOR WORD ...



Finally:

'

Isn't it the prettiest thing?


It is going to live at the base of our bed ... as soon as I am coordinated enough to help Gary move it in there ...


Well, I'm off - I think Gary's movie is over but I do believe I stayed just under my fifteen minutes ...


Be VERY PROUD OF ME!


I'm off to insist to Gary that he inscribe MY Blanket Chest Title on the bottom of the blanket chest with his wood burner. I give him a 50% chance of saying 'yes'.


Note: I might have exaggerated some of Gary's Mini Rants ... or totally made them up altogether ...

Note:  And I lied about Wiki'ing the Designer ... sorry y'all



I really called his wife ...