New Conversations

Christmas was a bit different this year - with Norway right before it, me in and out of bed (mostly in) but the one constant that has not wavered is (since Jessie moved out to a group home) is having Jess here for 3 days. OK, really a half day - Christmas Dinner, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day ... survive, survive, survive, and then on to the day after Christmas when we take her home - sometimes in the morning - sometimes later than that - but it SEEMS like 3 whole days ....

This year was no different. I may go back and fill in the blanks from my beautiful evening on Karl Johan's Gate to sitting here on the day she is leaving the day after Christmas, or maybe not - we will see how the week goes.

But one thing I wanted to write about (enough to get me out of bed a 4:30am after finding my notes on the conversation) was my new conversations with Jessie. She seems a bit more mature in her conversations with me - this is an

INDESCRIBABLE,

IMMEASURABLE

joy to me.

To ACTUALLY have a conversation with my daughter! Not some back and forth .... whatever ... with someone with a three year old mentality.

There are still the "Thank you so much for the clothes, Mom", and "Thank you so much for Aladin, Mom", and "Can I have "x", "y" or "z" food item?" but we reached a new level in conversations and an understanding of sorts on Christmas Day ....

Jessie: "Mom, sometimes you get mad at me. You were mad at me last night."

Lori: "Yes, Jessie - sometimes I get mad at you. But I also get frustrated with you. Last night at 2:00am when you got up and wanted to see Daddy - I was frustrated with you - do you understand that? I was not mad right then."

Jessie: "But you get mad at me."

Lori: "Yes, Jessie, I do sometimes and I am sorry. But last night when I told you that you couldn't go see Daddy and you started with that screaming and fake crying (that you can totally turn off in a second) that woke everyone in the house and probably the neighbors houses? Yeah, I did get mad at you. Mommy does not like it that you just throw a huge ... very loud ... fit to get your way. And it makes me mad. Does it make you sad when I get mad at you?"

Jessie: "Yes"

Lori: "Then why do you throw fits when mommy says no?"

Jessie: "I don't know, I'm sorry Mom."

Lori: "How about this - I will try to not get mad at you if you will try not to do that screaming, head spinning 360 degrees thing where you wake the neighbors .... is it a deal?"

Jessie: "Deal"

Jessie walks away, stops and turns back around to me: "I love you Mom ..."

Lori: "I love you too Miss Jess" (whispering as she watches her beautiful, grown daughter walk away from her "oh, so, so much more than you will ever, ever know sweet baby girl ...")