Jessie

My blogging follows a very predictable pattern:

I'm OK - I blog maybe once a day, maybe more if I am hyper and have things to say.
I'm not feeling well - I still blog, maybe miss a day while I am in bed and generally rant and whine a lot.
I'm in deep shit (depressed, unstable, sick and have crawled into a cave) - I don't blog.

Gary has figured this out and told me I had to blog today. Even gave me a subject. I am sure that is going to make every thing all better ...

Actually - not doing too bad today. Thought it was funny / cute / anecdotal when my brain was stuck on Australia time ... until I couldn't fix it. Then it just became weird / scary / not a good thing. Wasn't getting much sleep since I was up for my day and for Gary's day - and me sleep deprived, sick and alone - well it is not a very pretty recipe for good mental health.

So - today I went to Jessie's 1 year placement review. It was nice. Gary and I had discussed whether Richmond State School was the best place for Jessie which sent me into a horrifying spiral of Jessie panic attacks that I seriously couldn't get under control - but today helped. And I got my answer - Jessie is, completely, without a doubt in the best place for Jessie right now.

She has as they called it 'thrived' (very clinical term and I am using it in a broader sense) there and everyone has fallen in love with her. I have had some concerns because her program we set up last year was not being followed, but that has been worked out.

Currently what is in place is that she will live at the San Jacinto Residence while on a waiting list for a cottage on the grounds. She will continue to spend her days at 'workshop' where she learns skills for work and gets paid. As for the rest of the time.

Three times a week she will get money and go shopping.
Every Wednesday at 6:00 pm she will call me at home or in Australia (depending where I am - will be 9:00am the next day in Australia so the time works well).
One time a week she will go swimming.
One time a week she will work with / ride the horses at the stable.
One time a week she will work in animal therapy - with the puppies and dogs.
One time a week she will go to choir practice.
Once a month she will go out to eat.
Once a month she will go out to get her hair cut.
There were other things but I forget - these were the main ones.

We will continue to get her every Sunday that we are in town and I know Linda will get her on the Sundays that I cannot and she is able to.

I was curious a couple of weeks ago and when I went to get Jessie I asked if she was happy. Both the staff I was asking immediately said yes. She seems to be very comfortable there, thrilled to interact with the staff and the other residents. She likes her room and her photos that she can carry around and show people. She likes to color. But mostly she likes to interact with others. Which is great ... and the reason I can't - as much as I yearn to sometimes - bring her home. She has no one to interact with here. Charlie and I just don't cut it as enough interaction. So even though I am scared to death because I don't know how my daughters day goes, and I so badly wish I knew - she is happier where she is - and that is the ONLY thing that is important. Not how I feel, not how anyone feels - just how Jessie feels. And to her - she is happy living and working with her peers. She has moved beyond home and family and branched out - grown this year in every way possible - except for her weight (which she has lost 50 lbs).

So I will worry, and now that Ryan is gone I realize that his day is pretty much a black hole to me too - so this is not as unusual as I thought.

I am truly an empty nester and need to find myself now that I am in this new phase of my life.