"Five Years Ago Today" - Ryan Hurst
While not sleeping last night, I ran across a few items of Ryan's in Facebook. He, since getting an account about 6 months ago, let me be his 'friend' so I can see what he's up to.
I stumbled upon this one and it had me stumped. Five years ago today? How on earth could he remember what he was doing 2 days before Jessie's birthday, five years ago ... OH! Yeah, we stepped on an airplane for New York and on to Oslo, Norway ... Five years ago today.
He didn't say it because he had a good time.
He was not reminiscing fond memories.
It sounded sad even as I read those four simple words.
I think he thinks of it as the day his 'life' ended.
But I don't talk about Ryan, now do I? Was just reminiscing ... how could I have such a wonderful, peace filled, healing time, and he have such a horrible experience? It happens, and I have felt awfully guilty about it.
But ...
There is not a damn thing I can do about Ryan and Norway. I can't turn back the clock ... and would I? What a horrible question, but we did vote 'yes' to go, and I had SUCH a GOOD time. It would be hard to say - lets just erase that and stay put in our old house and continue on as we were ...
Can't do it anyway.
Refuse to think about it.
Can't change the past,
can't turn back the clock,
can't fix it for him ...
as much as I ache to do so.
So today, I'm going to smile, and remember the beautiful times that I experienced, the healing I experienced, the joy I experienced ... out of stepping on that plane ...
Five years ago today.
While not sleeping last night, I ran across a few items of Ryan's in Facebook. He, since getting an account about 6 months ago, let me be his 'friend' so I can see what he's up to.
I stumbled upon this one and it had me stumped. Five years ago today? How on earth could he remember what he was doing 2 days before Jessie's birthday, five years ago ... OH! Yeah, we stepped on an airplane for New York and on to Oslo, Norway ... Five years ago today.
He didn't say it because he had a good time.
He was not reminiscing fond memories.
It sounded sad even as I read those four simple words.
I think he thinks of it as the day his 'life' ended.
But I don't talk about Ryan, now do I? Was just reminiscing ... how could I have such a wonderful, peace filled, healing time, and he have such a horrible experience? It happens, and I have felt awfully guilty about it.
But ...
There is not a damn thing I can do about Ryan and Norway. I can't turn back the clock ... and would I? What a horrible question, but we did vote 'yes' to go, and I had SUCH a GOOD time. It would be hard to say - lets just erase that and stay put in our old house and continue on as we were ...
Can't do it anyway.
Refuse to think about it.
Can't change the past,
can't turn back the clock,
can't fix it for him ...
as much as I ache to do so.
So today, I'm going to smile, and remember the beautiful times that I experienced, the healing I experienced, the joy I experienced ... out of stepping on that plane ...
Five years ago today.
5 comments:
Good for you--you're not being selfish. All of our experiences combine to make us who we are today. That sum is what it is--life.
My motto? No regrets--just love.
I agree with court good for you. Enjoy what you loved and remember the great times you had. I loved norway and wished you still lived there for my sake.
Those pictures are beautiful, as usual. I agree - remember the good times. Maybe one day Ryan will look back and realize that it was a good experience for all of you.
Ditto everyone else. Ditto, ditto ditto.
You all grew so much from that experience, and you healed - even insensitive me could see that. What a blessing, and even Ryan grew up a lot - despite his perception of it all.
Post a Comment