I'm In Trouble ...

See those tables down there? Cute huh? Almost finished, right? All they need are two adorable little drawers to hold remotes, pencils, papers and the list of TV channels should I need to quickly turn to CNN for some breaking news, oh, say like Michael Jackson died and I am assuming whomever is telling me is pulling my leg (unfortunately that one was at the cabin and we had not discovered that it had satellite TV at that point, in fact, we hadn't discovered the family room with the satellite TV in the basement ...). I have no clue where any stations are since I don't watch so it comes in handy since the thing I hate about TV other than just TV itself and reality shows? Surfing, changing the channels one by one by one just watching 5 seconds ... flitting - so I want to know what channel I am going for. Am I rambling? Yes, I am rambling, but so would you - I am avoiding the subject of this blog ....

Back to the 'adorable-ness', the 'almost-finished-ness' of these two lovely ladies. I just have one teensy weensy question:

WHAT IS GARY GOING TO DO THE REST OF THE WEEK?!?

SERIOUSLY, WHAT?

No kidding folks, the man will be rabid .... RABID - spitting, drooling, pacing like a caged animal .... oh, about 20 minutes after he finishes these. I think he was a shark in a previous life - 'cause, seriously - he acts like he is GOING TO DIE if he stops ... EVER.

So, now I need to put on my 'let's keep Gary busy so he doesn't jump off an overpass' hat and I am stumped. He did go buy fertilizer for the lawn, some pipes to raise some of the sprinkler heads that are too low - and JOY! I hear this requires that he dig deep holes around the sprinkler head to get it adjusted - that should take some time, right? RIGHT? I am desperate here ... not an idea in my head .... oh! Jessie's birthday is Sunday - so that, never mind - I don't need to babysit him on Sunday - he can't 'do anything' on Sunday anyway.

I. Cant. Breathe! Panic. Is. Setting. In!

HELP!!!! ME!!!!

(Apparently I should never blog after 9:00pm)

It's Just Going to be One of Those Days ...

I come home from vacation, there is stuff to unpack, stuff I left undone before I went, stuff to wash, regular stuff that needs to be done and I just want to sit at the computer, play with my photos and pretend that I don't have a care in the world. I'm tired, computer starved, and, well just tired.

When sitting at the computer, I tend to post - this would be my third today and the day is young - I can't even promise that I will stop.

Problem is I wanted to post this and forgot.

Last time Gary was in town he started working on end tables for our downstairs family room. They have a formica inlay that matches our leather couches perfectly. The photo below is his 'test' piece - it will either become a coffee table or a table for my garden in the family room (the garden I never take photos of - cause I can't see it sitting in my office chair!).

Right now it is showing 97 degrees outside, and he is at a balmy 79 since it is still early in the day and I accidentally started opening the garage door when I got home from taking Ryan to order glasses and grocery shop. I didn't actually see it, but I am sure his head exploded just a tiny bit as the garage door started opening letting out all his cold air!

His shop is massive - being a 3 car garage up to the lip in the concrete - after that is just gravy - extra space in the garage. Gary built all the shelves, reinforced the ceiling, put down particle board, installed a drop down stairway and a hole with a pully above it - and we now have a massive attic. He sheet rocked the entire thing, put up the 'infamous' chair rails (and now that I am looking at the photos - moulding on the floor - stained also), painted, put in the 'tanning lights', put in the windows, installed the air conditioner. And now he is making me furniture! What a hobby! You have no idea how fun it is to have a general all round handy man around the house (well, some of the time now).

I AM A LUCKY GIRL!

Again ... with the avoidance ...

But now, I am avoiding taking Ryan to buy glasses (cleaned my closet ... PIN A STAR ON MY FOREHEAD!).

I saw a 'meme' on Kimberly's blog or what ever 'blogs' are called at her site and liked it. I am quoting Kimberly here:

"And now, a meme lovingly purloined from Michelle.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

RULES:

Post ten of any pictures currently on your hard drive that you think are self-expressive.

NO CAPTIONS!!!

It must be like we're speaking with images and we have to interpret your visual language just like we have to interpret your words.

They must ALREADY be on your hard drive - no googling or flickr! They have to have been saved to your folders sometime in the past.

They must be something you've saved there because it resonated with you for some reason.

You do NOT have to answer any questions about any of your pictures if you don't want to.

You can make them as mysterious as you like. Or you can explain them away as much as you like."

*************

End of Kimberly's explanation. And, one - I am already confused and two - I already cheated.

One - at the end it says that you can explain them as much as you want - since there are no captions I believe she means in comments. I think.

Two - since I have lived a bazillion years longer than Kimberly - I couldn't reduce my photos to 10 and did 20.

Also - a side note - I am liking 'meme's - I am going to decide that memes are not 'tagable'. Last tag I played - no one played along AND I REALLY WANTED TO KNOW WHO HAD BEEN IN HANDCUFFS! Thus - no playing along - just me wasting time.

Existing photos that best represent my life:

And if you are really curious - since most are deeply personal and I won't be answering questions about them, if you know how to get the name of the photo off the blog, I have named the photos something superficial to the deeper meaning.....

Flower Dissapointment

You pretty much know you messed up, are a crappy photographer, didn't think, etc when you look back at your flower photos and your best 'flower' photo is an arrangement in my sisters new cabin that was a housewarming gift .... and not even flowers, just ... plants!

I have to admit, the light was hitting it just right and it was a beautiful arrangement, but still ....

Gary and my Dad got fields of flowers with the nephews sitting in them - huge fields. I didn't go on that hike and when I went to go - we went to get fishing permits instead ... not a very photogenic outing. If I find Gary's photos - I will post one - just so you can see how stupid I am.

Everywhere you looked, there were yellow flowers growing ...

... so I guess I picked out the purple so they wouldn't feel left out:

Purple flowers and driftwood

Tiny blossoms

Wild Iris

And, yes, a bunch of yellow flowers

This and That ...

But really:

Desperately Avoiding Cleaning My Closet.

And ...

Apparently Being Incredibly Stupid...

Sitting in the plane yesterday - in first class I might add, I had a thought (this a bit later). First Class: Gary had been upgraded and I had actually to my surprise been downgraded: I had a window seat instead of an aisle - which I prefer so I can walk around and visit the ladies room without bothering anyone. We literally fought like cats and dogs over who was taking First Class. I was pissed that he had been upgraded, but didn't want to take it since I have seen his 6'3" frame try to squeeze into economy class seats .... and trapped by a window. Gary won out and I was in First Class.

As I was sitting there, I started thinking about something I had written about flying in a plane ... a very long time ago. I write, and I don't share. About a year ago I read something that I had written and was appalled - it seemed so self centered, senseless drivel. I deleted all my writings - to the shock and horror of my mother - who had read some of the things I had written. I can count on 3 fingers those that have read anything I have written.

So, sitting there I got a feeling that I really needed to share some of these things. Odd, they are gone, I thought. So today I started looking and found a folder I don't remember making that has carried over from computer to computer, never realizing that my 'senseless drivel' was stalking me!

As I tried to open the files, most will not open, now that I am on Windows Vista and Microsoft Office 2007. Maybe that was why the thought came, maybe not. Now I am in the process of trying to see if I can salvage anything - whether or not it is worth salvaging is I guess really not the point. The thought I had was this was my thoughts at the time (most are dated by at least the year I wrote them) and that it was a journal of sorts and needed to be preserved. Why I feel I need to post some I don't know - it's crap and I know it - so apologies in advance. I guess it is that I know that if I get my act together, I can preserve my blog and then my writings will be in here and preserved also - but maybe it is because someone needs to read it and realize that they are not alone in a struggle of some sort - since most of what I wrote about were things that were not pleasant, but therapeutic to get out and down on paper and out of my head. I could mentally fold the piece of paper up and lock it in a box and shove it on a shelf in my brain.

Why I need to unlock that vault is truly unknown to me, maybe it is the plane rides I have been on lately, or the dates that are coming up in the next few months which I will probably put my writing for that particular time (years ago) during that particular month, day whatever ...

This feels unpleasant, icky, I have no idea why I am doing this, so I apologize again. I will start with the easy one and maybe another I just read that I liked (because it was unusually upbeat) and see if I can survive 'sharing'.

Here goes nothing (and yes, for some very strong reason, I feel there is someone out there that needs this ... wh0? Don't know, so y'all have to suffer) ....

Note: All photos are just added for effect (and are my own photography) and will probably have nothing to do with the actual writing, just something I feel 'adds'.

The Plane (April 1998)

The plane takes off from Houston to Boston. I don’t like to fly - it makes me nervous from trips way back in another life. I don’t have my natural ‘valium’: my kids, to keep me occupied and not nervous. You know, the times when they are so bad and there is turbulence and the flight gets to be a really scary ride; for me it is pretty much a toss up in my mind on which would be more preferable – one more minute with the kids, or going down in flames (the flames have won more times than I care to admit).

A little rush of adrenaline hits me hard as we begin to lift off and I begin my ritualistic countdown: “one one-thousand, two one-thousand”. (Ever since the SLC crash of August 31, 1988 due to improperly set flaps and slats that went down at, I can’t remember now – about 30 seconds, I just make sure I get to 35 one-thousand – just something I do).

We bank sharply to the left and out my window all I can see are clouds. They are puffy, and gray on the bottom, not very impressive. If I lean forward, I can see land - looks a little foggy and hazy - depressing.

But the clouds - they are gray but puffy and prettier than the fog below. We get closer and closer to them and then we are in them - lots of bumps and jerks, ups and downs, disorientation and darkness. Then suddenly we are above them. Looking down - it looks like Jessie has been into the cotton balls again.

They are beautiful as the evening sun hits them, and I wonder: How could something that looks so depressing and gray from the ground and so frightening, disorienting and dark to get through be so beautiful up above and bring me such calmness and peace?

I think heaven is like this. I just somehow need to find my way through the cotton balls.

***********************************

Wednesday, February 2, 2000

Message to my Rachael:

You would almost be three soon. I don’t think I ever knew what fear, pain or sorrow were until I had you.

But now:
The joys are that much greater, the peace is that much sweeter and the happiness is beyond description. Too bad it takes knowing what it is like at the bottom to recognize how really good life can be on any given Wednesday.

Mom

*****************************

Photos:

1) Haleakala Sunrise, Maui

2) Rose Bush, La Grange, Texas

Playing With Wildlife ...

I was very disappointed pulling out of our cabin that I had not taken a single shot of any sort of wildlife - not having seen any with my camera at the ready. While we were driving down the mountain, this lovely doe was kind enough to pose for me - as if she did not want me to leave her beautiful habitat disappointed.

I took many shots of her (this is using a 4x lens - I am not this close), but especially liked the ones where she just stared at me, like, "OK, get on with it, I'm busy eating" ....

And for anyone who cares to know how I made the 'photo' up there which, to me looks a wee bit like a painting, I took the original photo, lightened it a bit and upped the contrast:

Made a sketch out of it and layered the sketch on top of the original photo. Then I took the opacity of the sketch down to about 20% so that the main original photo was showing through.

That to me looked a bit like a painting. I then took a mask and 'clipped' it to the photo thus making the background show through.

The background is the same background that I used to make my blog design, thus when I use this background on my photos, it sometimes looks like the photos are not really square, but they are, the background just matches the background of my blog.

YEAH, I SO KNOW YOU CARE.... (but sometimes people ask, so ... there it is)

Home!!!

With Gary!



Met him in the Denver airport and off we went to our family vacation. Dudes, this is the ugliest airport I have EVER seen. I had to pull off in traffic after renting the car (before picking Gary up from his flight) in the middle of rush hour traffic just to snap some shots because I couldn't get over the sheer 'oddness' of it:

It's good to be home .... it was sort of 'hurry up and wait' sort of trip the entire time! We went to a beautiful little place called Red Feather, Colorado, in an area called Crystal Lakes. I will post more photos through out the week, but I am tired, and just thought I would hit a few.

First off, I am proud to announce that I DID NOT act like the bitch that I am and not share, nor disclose the location of our cabin. We held the family barbecue at our cabin since we realized it was much bigger than the one my sister and brothers families were staying in. Gary did the honors of 'grillmaster'. Ours was the only one with a view of the lake and thus, had a very large deck, two living areas, 4 bedrooms a couple with sitting areas where the kids could play with their electronic games, 3 bathrooms, 3 tables to eat at ... much too big for the two of us so sharing seemed the smartest thing to do ... just for dinner, of course! For having 22 people there, it didn't seem crowded at all!

I woke up about 4:45am this morning and realized that the sun rose off the deck of our cabin! We wound around so much to get to any of the cabins that I had no idea what direction anything was facing and hadn't noticed where the sun set.

It is a good thing I noticed this just this morning, or I would have been setting alarms and getting even less sleep than I did get - trying to get the 'perfect shot'.

These are not perfect shots, but it is my series of the sunrise this morning:

Another shot: playing with some 'sketching' software:

All in all it was a nice trip. I didn't get as many photo's as I would have like to. Every time I was ready to go on a hike (ie feeling well) my family would take me on some wild ride to get fishing permits or something and an hour and half later - I would be sick to my stomach from being lurched around in a car. My family was not exactly organized when it came to activities, but we were together - laughing, fighting (for fun), joking around, and just enjoying each others company ... and that is really all that matters, isn't it?

I just might steal some of Gary and my Dad's photos though ...

First Class

So Gary calls me from the airport more excited than I have heard him in a long time. When he went to check in, they asked him if he had a Business Class seat. He said, "Noooo, but I wouldn't mind one" and for some reason known only to the 'Gary is lucky' gods, she said OK! Now, I don't really think that his charm talked him into a first class seat.

He got into the First Class lounge after getting through security and called me back. His theory is the flight was booked and since he usually flies Business Class, give it to someone used to it (get back to that later). I promise it was not a mistake. I just got on the Quantas web site and 'booked' a ticket for Economy, Business Class and First Class. Here is the breakdown:

Economy: $947.00
Business: $18,364.00
FirstClass: $24,689.00

Thus the reason we are travelling on Economy in the first place. Exxon gives us a bundle of money for travel and we can use it any way we would like. Four tickets first class, or all the tickets we need to go back and forth then extra to travel to New Zealand, China etc. Go figure.

So ... not a mistake.

Back to Gary in the lounge. He sighed and said he forgot how wonderful it was to travel Business / First class. Take note: he has traveled ONE TIME since all his Business Class flights ... man. But as for getting used to it ...

I have travelled Business / First class quite a few times and it bothers me. I like to think (in a perfect world) that everyone is the same - no one deserves special treatment. I really, really believe that - no one is better than me and no one is worse either. But step on a plane and jump back and forth from the First Class cabin to Economy and you will come to believe with enough money ... on a plane you can be special. There is most definitely a Caste System on an airplane. When we travel in economy we call it either 'travelling in steerage' or 'travelling with the goats and chickens' and that is truly how they treat you.

In First Class I can't get over the waste, and the opulence - teeny tiny crystal salt and pepper shakers for each person with dinner, they won't leave you alone, want to make you comfortable, feed you non stop. It doesn't make me feel special, it makes me feel sad for that mother with a screaming baby back in economy that is so tired she can barely stay upright except for the screaming of her baby - if she could only lay back and put the baby on her shoulder in that empty First Class seat over there, she could get some sleep. Or that old man that is not feeling well, cramped between two large people. Or any of those back there - I feel sorry for them - that just because (in our case a company paid) we had more money than they did, we get treated like Kings and Queens, but they barely register as human beings.

And yes, I am now travelling with the goats and the chickens. It does seem like some deserve to be there - you know them, the obnoxious, the loud, the rude and I have sat by them. But still - I feel uncomfortable when I fly in a First Class seat. It is not fair. And I know ... my mother, at a very early age told me that 'life is not fair' when I was troubled by something - but it does not stop me from being bothered by it.



And it will be a sad day if I ever become comfortable with it ....



'See you' on Sunday

Crystal View

Well, I'm off in the morning. Off to Denver then to a tiny town in the Rockies (better be in the Rockies - I haven't really checked) ... final destination Crystal View cabin. I am hoping for beautiful weather, breath taking scenery and great photo ops everywhere. I am assuming they don't have Internet. If they do, up there amongst the spectacular mountains, beautiful lakes, wild life, trees ... shame on them. Of course I will use it! But most likely - blog silence until Sunday.

This is a family vacation. And when I say family, I mean FAMILY Vacation. My family. Celebrating my moms 70th birthday. There are reasons that there is at least one state between me and any of my sibs. They think I'm weird, and, well ... I am - and I don't care. We all get along better than when we were growing up - 5 girls and 1 boy all within 10 years of each other - so there is that, but after say 10 minutes ... well, I will try to behave myself.

The plan for this shindig was to stay in my sister Marci and her partner Patti's cabin they were building. The problem with that? It sleeps eight and there are 23 of us going. So another cabin was rented and I believe something was mentioned about an RV park or something - I really don't know. What I do know is that I had volunteered Gary and Ryan for tents way back last year when this was in the planning stages. Me, being the invalid that I am was given a bed or a couch or the floor (I never really got that straight) in Marci and Patti's cabin.

This seemed fine - Gary likes to camp and had even bought the cutest one man sleeping bag / tent combo for scouting. Enter Australia, me not living with my husband, meeting up with him in the Denver Airport ... and splitting up to sleep in the cabin ... alone? And in a tent ... alone?

Nah! E-mailed my sister and told her that I needed to re-think this and thus - we rented our very own cabin: Crystal View:

View of the lake from the deck

View of the deck

View of the Living Room

View of the Kitchen



View of my sisters cabin? NO WHERE TO BE FOUND! Isn't that perfect? The perfect family vacation. We know where they are and will have a blast with them, but at the end of the day? Yeah - Crystal View. Sleeps 8 - in 4 bedrooms. Now that Ryan's not coming because of his job - am I volunteering the rooms? Hell, no! I'm not even going to tell them where it is! I don't even feel selfish or bad about it - evil of me, huh?

OK, not true, I told Marci (being my favoritest sister and all) and Patti they could come and 'detox', veg, cry - what ever they will be feeling the need to do. Brand spanking new cabin, Marci with her OCD and my family of 23 traipsing in and out. It isn't going to be pretty - so I have taken pity on her (and, she rented us the cabin ... she knows where we are!).

Kidding - I am sure everyone will be milling about, but I am hoping to get two separate vacations out of this - a big family vacation and a wonderful vacation with my hubbie! Is that too much to ask?

Wish me luck!



Note: pretty much kidding about my family ...


pretty much