Jessie is on her way back to Richmond State School even as I type. For all my worries, she was an angel. It was interesting to watch her internal struggle with the problem: "Mom, I don't want to go back." -vs- "Mom, I want to see my friends." She left excited, so "I want to see my friends." won out (I think by a very slim margin though).
I, on the other hand am still conflicted. It was hard to let her go back. Dressed in clothes I don't recognize, taking items I hope won't be missplaced, and wearing the shoes they always have on her (or she always picks): a pair of slip on's that don't really stay on instead of her sensible tennis shoes. I guess it was too easy for just a few days, and tucking her into bed at night my heart hurt - I am not sure why - maybe knowing that she doesn't get moms love at RSS, just care and companionship. Is it enough? Am I doing the right thing? Am I a horrible mother?
Sigh ... I know it is the right thing - it is just hard. She is learning. I could not find her pajamas that Santa had brought her while I was packing for her to go back. Jessie said she knew where they were and I heard her go into her bedroom, open a drawer and get them. She put them away! She NEVER used to put anything away. Even the princess pillows my mom gave her were sitting neatly beside her bed. A good skill for where she lives - items probably won't get lost so much if she can put things where they belong.
I will see her Sunday, but right now that seems like a long time from now. I want to make sure that the staff take care of her ... treat her as a V.I.P. - because she is. Is it going to be this hard every time she comes to stay? Probably, I just need to know that it will happen and be prepared for it.
Being prepared for it means that I will know that I will have all these feelings ... too bad it doesn't mean taking them away. Being numb sound real good about right now.