"The Prettiest Blanket Chest in Houston" ...

I have been bad lately and not getting any sleep so I am going to make y'all ecstatic and let you know that this post is going to be painfully short.


I know, I know - you don't believe me - you have been lead into my 'I will keep it quick' trap and thirty minutes later realize that you just lost thirty minutes of your life wasting your time in the most horrific way possible: reading my blog ...


You're welcome ...


But Gary has threatened - he is leaving to go out of town - I have spent the day enjoying the COOLEST hallucinations you ever did see! Apparently Gary is not as excited about my cool backwards waterfalls, moving moles (those on your skin - not the ugly brown ... animal thingies), floor boards (what are those dudes called that line the bottom of all the walls?)

Well, let me tell you - they are adorable when they move along like some kind of white, stealth train ...

So I have promised Gary that I will be good and take less than 15 minutes to finish this post. Note: since it is the post about a beautiful object that Gary built - it deserves better - I want to put that in writing here and now.


Last week Gary referred to it in a text to me as "The Prettiest Blanket Chest in Houston" and the man is right!


He has a love / hate relationship with it as it was very difficult to build. Not only is every angle at a 3 degree ... whatever - making everything exponentially more difficult to line up, cut, ensure it will be at a zero degree horizontal when needed.

Gary has decided that the guy who submitted the plans to the 'Fine Woodworking' magazine has some sort of masochistic problem. He says that at every step - if there was a choice in how to do something - this person ALWAYS chose the most difficult option - EVERY TIME. This led to many

'Mini Gary Rants'

on the subjects:

'What was this man thinking?'

or

'Is there an illness - maybe a psychological type that a person is compelled to abuse himself by choosing the most difficult way to perform a task? Is there a name? Is there a cure?'

or

'If I could find this guy - I would hunt him down and kill him with my bare hands ...'

or

'Something is seriously wrong with this person - but he sure does design pretty furniture ...' (I agreed to this one instead of a) ignoring him completely or b) nodding politely and making sure he was not heading for his gun cases ...

or

'THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING I HAVE EVER MADE!!!'

or

'Why would someone choose to design something with extra steps that don't need to be done, make easy steps harder ... I think it is a conspiracy to abuse woodworkers'


I will stop there (I think his movie is over and I told him that I would DEFINITELY be done before his movie ended - so I will end with a big flourish -



A BIG - QUIET - FLOURISH!


I Present you with photos of:

"The Prettiest Blanket Chest in Houston That Has Absolutely Not A Single 90 Degree Angle, Was Dang Hard to Make And Was Designed By A Talented Man Who Enjoyed Kicking Puppies, Drowning Kittens, Spitting On Small Children, Stealing His Neighbors Mail, Harassing The Local Police Chief, Peeing On His Arch Enemy At Work Where He Delivers Mail During The Day, Psychologically Tortures Woodworkers As Often As He Can And Most Likely Is Driving His Wife Insane ... And Enjoying It"


I realize that this title is a little longer than Gary's title, but I believe my title is a bit more descriptive and gives you a sense of the Designer along with a look at his artistic style ...


Why, Yes - I Wiki'ed him - it is all in there - WORD FOR WORD ...



Finally:

'

Isn't it the prettiest thing?


It is going to live at the base of our bed ... as soon as I am coordinated enough to help Gary move it in there ...


Well, I'm off - I think Gary's movie is over but I do believe I stayed just under my fifteen minutes ...


Be VERY PROUD OF ME!


I'm off to insist to Gary that he inscribe MY Blanket Chest Title on the bottom of the blanket chest with his wood burner. I give him a 50% chance of saying 'yes'.


Note: I might have exaggerated some of Gary's Mini Rants ... or totally made them up altogether ...

Note:  And I lied about Wiki'ing the Designer ... sorry y'all



I really called his wife ...

Triple Curse Day ...

Ah, yes - I am cursed. As I wrote in Facebook yesterday (again - for all those non-Facebookers:
Mom and Dad ...):

*** From Facebook Yesterday (minus the photo of a bottle of water): ***

For clarification: my "Blood Doctor" is an Oncologist - thus my appointments with her are at a Cancer Center (I do not have cancer) ...

Conversation with my friend Linda (who was graciously driving me to and from my appointment with my Blood Doctor - 2 months and counting on that 'No Driving' thing due to all of those pesky seizures ...):

Me: I sorta feel guilty that I stole a bottle of water off the "Celebrating Cancer Survival Week" table ... I think I might just have cursed myself ...

Linda: Aren't you happy that people with cancer are surviving?

Me: Of course!

Linda: See - then there is no problem.

Me: Still ...

********

So - today is tomorrow from that statement and I get a phone call that my Blood Doctor REALLY DOES want to see me.

See - I didn't explain that yesterday when I showed up for my appointment with my Blood Doctor (by the way ... she HATES being called Blood Doctor ...) they said that she was not even here and could not figure it out until they found an appointment for me on July 11th ...

Boy ... did I feel stupid ...


For about a minute and then thought - wait a minute - I had 20 vials of blood drawn about 3 weeks ago and this appointment was supposed to be about talking about the results. Was she REALLY going to wait TWO MONTHS to talk to me about it? Apparently no - and someone screwed up and thus the phone call this morning - all apologetic and saying she wanted to see me at 9:45 - would that be OK with me?

I thought about it for a few seconds and then said yes, I would be there.

The few second delay? Well - 9:45 was less than an hour away, my good buddies that I dare call on a moments notice to drive me both work at the Temple on Wednesday's (if you are reading this in the future - today is Wednesday) so I decided to drive myself ...

Thus my #1 curse: Some sort of "People Who Have Had A Seizure And Told Not To Drive But Do So Anyway Hell"

This concerned me for about 5 seconds until I realized that I am going to ACTUAL HELL because I am evil so this will just be a wee bit of piling on ... not to worry ...

Drove to my appointment without incident - no running over anyone, no blackouts, no seizures (probably BECAUSE I AM ON SEIZURE MEDICINE) - just a regular drive to a doctor appointment.

Well, except for two things:

1) Apparently I am no long anesthetized to jerks on the road.

You know how when two lanes turn and you are SUPPOSED TO STAY IN YOUR LANE? Well the car right next to me decided he wanted to be in MY lane instead and if I had not run over into incoming traffic, he would have side swiped me.

I became rather angry and bitter - and was a jerk to him for the entire rest of the drive - not letting him in when he needed to get over, etc, etc, etc - at one point I did wonder when I became such an asshole on the road, but shrugged it off and kept being a jerk to blue-SUV.

He followed me all the way to the turn to the cancer center and for a moment I had hopes we were going the same place, because pretty much other than me - everyone in the waiting room has cancer - the no-hair thing pretty much clinches that I am not exaggerating about this.

So basically I was hoping that blue-SUV driver had cancer - seriously HOW EVIL IS THAT?

Alas, he went straight as I turned and my dreams were shot down ...

2) I became VERY DEPRESSED as I drove by literally fields and fields of beautiful sunflowers.

Knowing that I could not walk out there on uneven ground since I was supposed to be wearing my boot and was not - basically because I NEVER wear it but I am supposed to be wearing it outside of the house.

But even if I had the boot on - that would have made it WORSE to get to the sunflowers.

So I was very sad that I could not take photos of the pretty little things.

It was sort of a momentary thing - since I was abusing a blue-SUV at the time and had ABSOLUTELY NO TIME to be depressed that I could not be taking photos.

It takes a lot of concentration to be a jerk to another car while driving 60 miles an hour y'all ...


So - I arrived and went in and was - of course greeted by this:

So - since I was already curse with getting cancer by stealing a bottle yesterday - today I took a bottle of water AND A COOKIE! Doubly cursed!!!

But since the water was a yesterday curse:

Curse #2) Stealing a cookie of the Cancer Survivor Week table - not having cancer ...

Was called back and waited, and waited, and waited, so I did what I normally do and started taking photos ...

OK - we interrupt this rambling blog to show y'all just how much of an idiot I am. Two incidents in the past two days have proven to me that maybe that blood clot in my brain is making me stupid ...

1) I was taking photos in the room I was in and wanted to zoom in on the picture hanging on the wall:

I seriously had to google "How do I zoom in with my iPhone Camera?" And got back the answer "You use the two finger pinch you stupid idiot" or something close to that. I COULD NOT BELIEVE I had not tried this - since it works for EVERYTHING ELSE why oh why did I not think JUST TO SIMPLY TRY IT?

And - why, yes - it does work:

2) Yesterday, after my appointment I needed to deposit a check and pick up a prescription and since I am not supposed to drive - I further abused my buddy and asked her if we could do it before she dropped me off at home. As we were pulling out of the bank she asked me - as nicely as possible - since she is seriously the NICEST PERSON ON THE PLANET

Linda: "Lori, with all your electronic knowledge, why don't you just take a photo of the check and electrically ship it to the bank via your computer?"

Me: stunned "You can seriously do that?"

Linda: "Yes, I have been doing it for years - I have not visited a bank for years."

Me: silent feeling too stupid for words ...

Did y'all know this was possible? And WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? And if you know how to do this for Chase bank - feel free to e-mail me the instructions since I just might be too stupid to find them on my own ...




Back to my appointment ...



OH! I have an ENTIRE SERIES of photos on my purse camera (the above were taken with my iPhone if you didn't catch that whole 'zoom' thing) an entire series of things I could steal from the room I was waiting in. I mean - they stick you in a room for a half an hour - are you NOT going to go through the cupboards and drawers? Even the stuff sitting on the counter was PRIME STUFF ...

And here I sit with a backpack purse ...

I decided since there are approximately a bazillion more photos to follow - I would leave that series out ...

Sorry y'all

Note: I did not steal anything ...


As I left after talking to the doctor about everything I needed to talk to her about I went out to the office area for them to finalize all the stuff we talked about and all of the appointments she was making me come to. As the secretary finished and handed me all my paperwork - she also handed me a beautiful carnation - with a note attached to it "Hope Grows" and I am positive this was all part of the "Cancer Survivor Week" BUT I TOOK IT ANYWAY ...

Thus my final curse:

Curse #3: Taking a carnation meant for a person with cancer


As I walked out and through the waiting area I noticed quite a few people smiling at me - all there walking out holding my carnation like a flag screaming "HEY Y'ALL I HAVE CANCER!!!" and I smiled back. Some had a sort of confused look on their face and I am POSITIVE they were thinking:

"Either her hair has not fallen out yet or that is THE UGLIEST WIG ON PLANET EARTH" no lie - I am sure this was there very thought as I left the building.

I say - let them wonder ....

And of all the indignities - it fell off the chair and I let it sit just like this for the ride home - so probably doubly cursed by the carnation for abusing it ...

Got home with all my 'Cancer Booty':

And I JUST KNEW there would be people yelling at me for driving - SO I TOOK PHOTOS THE ENTIRE DRIVE HOME!!! Just so y'all would see how well I did!!

OK, ignore this photo ... you did not see the photo below ...

And lookie here - using my new found zoom knowledge all over the freaking place!

If you look REAL CLOSE you can spot the 'Prettiest Blanket Chest in Houston' in the photo (please ignore all the bug splats, Gary drove my car somewhere with he youth and it came back COVERED). I have yet to write a post about the chest - but I am going to get to it. I am quite sure that Gary thinks I don't love him anymore because I have not blogged about it - but nothing could be further from the truth ...

A few weeks ago while we were lying in bed as Gary was drifting off to sleep he whispered "I'm glad you didn't die"

Now who could NOT JUST LOVE A GUY WHO TELLS YOU THAT?

Ah ... home again and SO MANY things to avoid! Here is about a months worth of mail that I have yet to take care of:

The dishes in the sink are getting scary but I decided not to take a photo - I am pretty sure you can envision an sink full of dirty dishes.

But! I have been in 'Delivery Heaven' lately (OK, OK - I am ALWAYS in 'Delivery Heaven') but this week it is WAY, WAY more ...

I got my final two Nambé Nativity pieces:

This is the Creche if you are confused - the nativity is put away or I would set it all up - just a sec I will go find a photo of it ...

Here is a photo with just the three pieces. I also got the three Wise Men and the Shepherd and animals but that is in another post - just go find it ...

This morning as Gary was leaving for work and (of course) I was in bed - he said Goodbye and I heard the door shut. About five seconds later my phone rang and since it was like six in the morning I decided that either someone was dead or Gary wanted to bug me. I answered and it was Gary telling me that there were about 10 boxes on the porch.

I remember realizing that a huge order I had placed that partially came on Saturday said that the rest was out for delivery on Tuesday. Apparently they didn't ring the doorbell and since Gary and I are still not feeling very well I was in bed all day and Gary came home and went straight to bed. Thankfully no nefarious criminals were lurking about last night or my boxes just might have been gone, but no - I got up and hauled them all in and then - too tired to even play with my new bounty - I limped off to bed ...

See - some came Saturday - but since I had not mentioned to Gary yet that I had placed a HUGE order for plants - which we need desperately - when they came - I hauled them all up to my sewing room so he would not see all the boxes. After he went to bed or left or something I went upstairs and ripped into the boxes with carefree abandon:

I brought my favorite down and placed it in a very prominent place and told myself that when Gary asked where it came from I would 'fess up ... Isn't it the pretties fake bonsai tree you ever did see?

The rest are still sitting up in the sewing / craft / junk room waiting for me to figure out what to do with them:

I ought to mention that THE VERY NEXT day after I had hidden them from Gary, Gary yelled in to me "Lori why is there an xxx (xxx = HUGE) dollar purchase on PayPal?!?"

It was time to fess up - he hadn't even noticed the Bonsai tree - I had to point it out to him then drag him upstairs to see that it was plants that we have needed for some time - not something silly and frivolous ...

These two are particularly beautiful because of a wee little secret that you cannot see:

They are both in pretty little chests!

This is the back of the left one:

This is the back of the one on the right:

Here are the rest that arrived Saturday:

I am unsure why the ones labeled "Shelf Plants" and do not have a 'pot' or what ever you would call a Shelf Plant Holder Thingy got relegated to the bathroom but here they sit:

I KNEW they were all going to be pretty because I had placed a huge order somewhere a little bit after we moved into the house. I searched Silk Plant Arrangements until I found what I thought was the website and tried to log in. When it let me log on and my old 2007 order was there - I knew I had the right place!

Here is one I had purchased in 2007:

I also purchased these DARLING miniatures:

Some of the miniatures I have put in this stunning dollhouse I purchased in Bergen, Norway:

See the wee bitty bonsai tree on this side:

And multiple flowers on this side. Just a note - do you see the MOST ADORABLE WEE BITTY RUSSIAN NESTING DOLL?

Here, I will show it to you with the real copper cookware that came with the dollhouse:

I had to move a couple of things out of the dollhouse to take photos and COMPLETELY FORGOT about these beauties! I bought this in Germany and the detail is stunning. My finger is there for reference to the size:

OK - HUGE digression - sorry about that ...


So - in the spirit of avoiding anything productive:

I opened the rest of all my pretty flowers! I know they don't look like anything NOW - but I have to arrange them and I am avoiding stuff - but I am not that bad - I really have to go unload and load the dishwasher before the dishes attack me ...

Here is my most favorite (OK - next to the bonsai - but apples and oranges ...) I know it does not look like much ...

But after I work with it - hopefully it will look like this:

I LOVE these lilies - but they came so squashed I had to work with them a wee bit ...

But it will take a bit of work for these to look good (if ever) but hopefully they will look like this:

And the rest:

Tell me these six bitty pots of ... something ... I knew the name when I ordered them ... aren't the cutest thing:

I know this one looks hideous - it needs A LOT of work ...

And finally - MY LAST PHOTO - my spider plant:

OK - I am off to unload and load the dishwasher ...

Then probably blog about the "Prettiest Blanket Chest in Houston" ...